'AITA for telling my mom her husband isn't my dad and his family didn't replace mine just because my dad died?'
"AITA for telling my mom her husband isn't my dad and his family didn't replace mine just because my dad died?"
Straight_Raspberry18
I (17M) have a pretty blended family. Mom had me with my dad. They broke up when I was a baby. My mom had my half sister Macey (15F) with a guy named Aaron. They weren't really together from what I know but they shared custody of Macey her whole life just like my parents shared custody of me before dad died when I was 5.
When I was 4 my mom started dating her first husband (husband #1) and had my three other half siblings Daniel (10M), Lila (9F) and Kenna (7F). My mom and her first husband got divorced and two years ago she remarried. Her husband (husband #2) has three kids with his ex, Holden (13M), Lacey (11F) and Kyrie (9F).
My half siblings go to their dads every other week. My stepsiblings go to their mom every other week. I'm the only kid who hasn't got my dad to go to. Because of this, my mom expected me and her husband to be super close and that I'd accept him as my new dad.
Even after I didn't accept husband #1 as my dad she believed husband #2 would be different. Not to me. Dad is still my only dad and I don't see husbands #1 or #2 as my parent.
I have a close relationship with my extended family on dad's side. I have grandparents who live 10 minutes from me. I have three aunts who live within 30 minutes of me.
Two uncles who live less than an hour away. 24 cousins who live within those distances of me lol. I have cousins of my dad who are close to us as well. There are times when my half siblings are with their dads that I'll ask to be with someone in dad's family.
Mom doesn't like that I do it but she does let me sometimes. But she really tries to push me to spend time with her husband or his family when my half siblings are gone or if I'm the only kid in the house.
Two weeks ago my half siblings were all gone to their dads houses. My stepsiblings wanted to spend time with husband #2's family. Which makes sense since it's their family too.
I asked mom to let me spend the day with my grandpa since he was doing something cool. Mom looked surprised and told me there was a whole party going on at her ILs and I should be there with my family.
I told her I wanted to be which is why I was asking to be with grandpa. Mom told me I was being intentionally ignorant and that I knew she was talking about her ILs. We got into a fight and she said I never willingly spend time with her husband or his family and I never prioritize my family.
I told her she never expects my half siblings to and I shouldn't be treated differently because my dad died. I said her husband didn't become my dad and his family didn't become my family just because my dad died.
I told her they don't mean more to me than they do to my half siblings. Mom told me it's different. She said I shouldn't feel this way. I told her if it was up to me I'd never spend time with them. I'd spend time with my real family. She got angry with me for everything I said. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
No-Diamond9363
Nta: first off, if I’m reading this correctly your mom has had 4 men in significant enough relationships to either marry and or have kids with in 17 years. This man is your “family” by marriage only at this point and chances are better than average your mom will leave him too.
That’s just logical based on her history. Parents can’t force family, she chose this man, not you. She made her choice to be with him. If your grandfather is a good, honest man, that is the man you should be spending time with.
Straight_Raspberry18 (OP)
3 technically. Macey's dad and mom didn't really have a relationship. The only reason I ever met him is because mom got pregnant. But they weren't together or anything. My dad's family are all good people. I love spending time with them. Especially my grandparents. I love being at their house.
LouisV25
On your 18th birthday, move.
MassiveTitsPrincessx
NTA. You're allowed to feel how you feel and maintain your connection with your dad's family. It’s unfair for your mom to expect you to replace those relationships just because she remarried. Families are complicated, but your feelings are valid.
fungi1245
NTA. Nobody gets to decide who you consider family. Some people have great step parents and siblings they want to consider their true parents, while not wanting to call their blood relatives their family. Others never developed that, neither is wrong. You are the one that decides what you want to call your family. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
UusiSisu
NTA enjoy spending time with your family. I don’t know why your mom’s trying to force a relationship with her current husband when, given what you told us, may be an ex as well.
Signal_Wall_8445
NTA. Every word you told her was valid, and you were mature enough to NOT tell her (based on her history) that you don’t want to get too attached to any of these families because she might be bringing in a new one next week.
mindymadmadmad
It's funny how your mother likes to play the field, has had multiple husbands and baby daddies, but expects you to be able to fully commit your heart and trust to someone you didn't even choose to be in your life. NTA.