Employee refuses to party with staff if they keeping inviting one coworker, 'I’m the one being rude.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my coworkers I (23F) won't go out with them anymore if they keep inviting one coworker (30F) because of how she acted last time?"

I’m not a big drinker and I don’t know the “etiquette” so I don’t know if I’m overreacting to her behavior or not. Important background: Like I said I’m not a big drinker but I’m not sober or anything.

I’m just more of a smoking on the couch kind of person. I’ll drink socially on special occasions but that’s pretty much it. I’m also really small/petite so that makes me even more of a lightweight.

About a month ago I and 6 of my coworkers went out to dinner to celebrate one of us getting promoted. These people are not just my coworkers though, we’ve become good friends, we hang out outside of work often, some of us carpool daily etc.

Since we were talking about the outing at work, another woman who works with us “Jane” sort of invited herself to tag along, which was totally fine by us because she’s fun and we all get along with her even though she’s not really in the “group." So all 8 of us went to the restaurant.

I ordered a fruity cocktail and once we all had our drinks, “Eric” made a toast and we all did cheers. Except instead of taking a sip I put my drink down to take off my jacket. Jane noticed and pointed out that you’re supposed to sip your drink right away after you do cheers.

I got a little embarrassed and explained I don’t drink a lot so I didn’t know that was a thing. I took a small sip and Jane told me to take a bigger sip. I reiterated I don’t drink a lot and also pointed out I hadn’t eaten much that day so I was holding off until the food arrived.

It seemed like after that Jane was really bothered by how little I was drinking. I swear every 10 minutes she would find a way to loudly remind everyone I wasn’t touching my drink. I laughed it off the first few times but then I started to get irritated because it wasn’t even true.

I wasn’t downing several glasses like her, but I was drinking. I explained multiple times that I don’t drink a lot so I have zero tolerance, and that means it takes way less alcohol for me to feel drunk than her, but she didn’t seem to understand that concept. She just kept encouraging me to drink more and saying it would be weird if everyone was drunk except me.

I even finished my drink and got a refill. She pointed out again that my glass was almost full, I told her that’s because I finished my first drink and this was my second. She then accused me of sneakily pouring my first drink into my friend’s glass to look like I drank it because they ordered the same thing as me???

I stopped a few sips into my second drink because I was starting to feel sick (tbh I drank more than I should have out of spite which was immature) and she still refused to believe I was drunk. Like she was making it sound like I was pretending to be drunk so I could be the only sober one in the group for some nefarious reason.

But it didn’t end there. As it got into the evening we decided we wanted to keep hanging out so we started walking to another place nearby which is like an arcade/karaoke lounge type thing. On the way there we pass a liquor store and Jane insists we stop so she can buy a drink to sneak into the lounge.

Everyone is like okay I guess and we all plan to wait outside, but Jane locks arms with me and kind of drags me into the store? I didn’t really know what to do so I just followed her as she picked up a few different drinks. I guess I was making a face because it smelled strongly of booze in there, because she made a comment about me turning my nose up or something.

As we’re leaving and she’s hiding the drinks in her purse, she opens one and shoves it in my face, trying to get me to drink it. I pushed her hand away and said sternly “This isn’t funny, I don’t want to drink anymore, STOP.” She didn’t bother me after that but the topic of alcohol didn’t come up after that in general.

Anyway, Eric texted me asking if I wanted to go out for drinks/dinner again this weekend for “Christmas” since people are going out of town later in the month. I replied:

Me: Hey I would love to! (separate message) Is Jane going to be there?

Eric: I haven’t asked anyone else yet but she’ll probably want to come

Me: I hate to do this, but if Jane is invited I don’t think I’m going to come. And that probably goes for anything in the future too. She was honestly making me really uncomfortable with all the comments about my drinking last time and it ruined my fun.

Eric: Yeah no I thought that was weird of her too. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I won’t invite her anymore. Then is that a yes?

So Eric is cool with not inviting her but I guess someone asked why she wasn’t coming, or he told her as much and she told everyone else, because now the group is 50/50 split.

Half of them think Jane was being rude and are glad she’s not coming anymore, half of them think I’m overreacting and I’m the one being rude by excluding her and forcing them to choose between her or me. So am I?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

OkPsychology2376 said:

NTA. Jane is one of those that pushes people to drink as much as her so she doesnt look like the only bad drunk. It's kind of a misery loves company thing. My ex in-laws were that way. For some reason they'de get offended if I chose to stop drinking before they did. It was uncomfortable, and I don't like drinking that much.

So, I do understand where you're coming from. Someone needs to straight up tell her to mind her own business and leave you alone, or they jusy won't invite her anymore...you also deserve an apology from her for ruining your evening."

BadMom2Trans said:

NTA and not rude. You have a boundary with someone forcing alcohol on you. She singled you out. That’s not cool. Those that have an issue can mind their business. You didn’t ask them to weigh in, they chose to.

metallee98 said:

Nta. You didn't say she couldn't come you just said you would stay home if she went. They chose you over her. If she wanted to be invited she should be more pleasant.

imdagame92 said:

NTA. you’re not forcing them to do anything. If she’s coming, I’m not. If she’s not coming, I’m probably in. That’s just being a direct adult human.

No_Word2958 said:

Absolutely NTA! That was some really weird behavior on her part and you have every right to be as uncomfortable as you are with her. Those who choose to ignore/support such strange behavior aren't people you should seek the company of anyways. You aren't forcing anyone to do anything. Those who care for you and have a good head on their shoulders will willingly not put up with her behavior.

TrueJ3di said:

NTA she sounds like an attention seeker bully tbh, maybe you could of pulled her to one side and just said look your annoying me and I want a good night and I don’t need to drink much, so back off and let’s keep it a good night. She may of just been little drunk and not realized.

Fine-for-now said:

NTA. Some people who drink have a huge issue with those who aren't big drinkers. I've yet to work out if they're more offended by a person being completely off alcohol, or by someone who will drink alcohol but limits themselves to one or two for an evening. Regardless, Jane's behavior was d-ish and you shouldn't have to put up with that on an otherwise fun night out.