'AITA for ending a 7-year friendship after she didn't invite me to her wedding and lied about it?'

"AITA for ending a 7-year friendship because I wasn’t invited to her wedding?"

I ,25F, got mad on my 27F friend for not inviting me to the her wedding. A little context here: We’ve known each other for 7 year, we have met through university, and since we are both dentists, we have been colleagues for 6 years. She is with her husband since 2012. She never had another relationship besides him.

She was always curious about other guys, and asking me about my dates. One time her now-husband came to her drunk and told her that she is nothing to him out of the blue and threw her in the streets. I took her in my home and talked to her, and told her that his behavior is not to be forgiven and she needs to reconsider her relationship.

After that incident they got together and he started to be really toxic, he wouldn’t let her going out for coffee or going out to shopping with her friends and manipulated her up to the point where she asked him to marry her and she bought her own engagement ring even though he told her multiple times he does not want to marry.

They didn’t have much money, but they lived decent. She was really worried that she reached 24 years and she will never find anybody else, and really wanted a family. We have been through ups and downs, always been there for each other, whenever she had a fight with her now husband I have tried to be that friend you could call anytime you have a problem and come get you.

I have met her mom talked with her regulary and even had coffee sometimes. We had each other backs, non-stop. She had always talked about how I am her best friend and she can’t wait to attend each others weddings and being godmothers to each others children.

Right before finishing our degree she was always worried that we wouldn’t stay in touch and she was upset. After we ended our degree I have reached out multiple times and talked to her, but she reach too little or at all.

She was stressed with having an important exam to become a specialist in a certain field. I let her concentrate so I wouldn’t stress her, but I made sure to let her know if she needs anything to reach me I will be there for her.

After she took the exam we still talked rarely and I thought she was upset with something I had done (didn’t know what though) and I asked her and she told me that she had a miscarriage and was really upset. I comforted her a lot and after a few months we were finally able to see each other in person.

We were in different parts of the country. I asked her if she decided on a wedding date since I knew she was engaged for 3 years and wanted a May wedding. She told me she doesn’t have the money and it’s not a priority for her right now. I told her then whenever she will have it, i will be there for her, as we have told each other multiple time.

This was 2 months ago. About a month ago she posted like a save the day post, that she later deleted it and when I asked about it she left me on seen. Last night I was scrolling on instagram and saw a photo with her in a wedding dress with her husband and their first dance. I felt really broken and upset since she lied to me about not having her wedding.

I send her a message of congratulations to her and his now-husband and she only replied with “😊” not even a thank you. I was absolutely shocked… i had no words, and got really mad and unfollowed her on instagram. I don’t want to be friends with someone who can only receive and not give back . AITA for wanting to unfriend her?

P.S. We are not Americans, we are from a country in Europe, and Dentistry and medical school lasts 6 years.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

talibob said:

NTA. This friendship is already over. You've been putting more into this relationship than you've been getting for years and it's time to let it go. It's very likely that she distanced herself from you at her husband's urging. You might want to leave a line of communication open, just in case she wakes up to the reality of her relationship but of course you aren't under any obligation to do so.

Battleaxe1959 said:

Why do you refer to this woman as a friend? She has clearly shown you that she isn’t.

ladyofthelogicallake said:

Her husband is abusive and knows you’re telling her so. He’s going to do everything he can to keep you away from her. Keep the lines of communication open, but be prepared for the friendship to be permanently over. Even if she does reach out, the friendship will never be the same. I know from experience, and it sucks. But take solace in the fact that you tried.

Pristine-Mastodon-37 said:

NTA. This girl is clearly not able or willing to be a friend and you don’t have to be the only one giving in the relationship. I am glad to hear you didn’t block her because he sounds abusive and she may reach out in a crisis and I’m glad that line of communication is still open.

OP responded:

I only blocked ex-bfs but I will let her contact me whenever she needs

quast_64 said:

I would not be surprised that the groom did not want you there. from your words you were already pretty much her only friend, and one of the tactics for abusers is to isolate their victim and gaslight them. I am afraid that is what is going on.

OP:

We were a group of 4 friends during dentistry school, we were all girls, but later we were only the two of us. I still keep in touch with the other girls, and they told me they weren’t even greeted by the “friend” when walked by them on the street..

[deleted] said:

NTA. But, this is reading like her now-Husband is probably controlling her contact. She may have told him about some of the things you said to her. Or he was jealous of your friendship. Do reach out to here every now and then to make sure she is okay. Not for how she has treated you currently, but for the friend you used to know.

OP:

Unfortunately I can’t write her messages because her husband has full control of her phone, messenger, facebook, instagram, he has all her passwords and checks her constantly. I cannot manage to speak to her in person because she is unable to answer my phone calls in order to set up a meeting.

Her hospital schedule is extremely chaotic and usually he drops her off and picks her up from work, so it’s really difficult to catch her and talk to her. We have talked about her relationship for multiple years, and she only agreed with me, only to found out later that she disregarded me completely…

i don’t think I have it in me to keep going, I will be there for here if she tries to contact me, she has my phone number, knows my home address and she is welcomed anytime, but I can’t keep trying… if she doesn’t want my help