'AITA for saying 'enough' to my wife's accusations that my sister stole from her?' UPDATED

"AITA for saying 'enough' to my wife's 'baseless accusations'?"

I (M31) have been married to my wife (Sara, F29) for almost 2 years now. Things have been pretty smooth so far, and we haven't had any real arguments until recently.

Earlier this week, my younger sister (Amber, F27) came to visit. During her visit, Sara discovered that one of her necklaces was missing. Sara and I searched most of the house, but we couldn't find it anywhere. It was at this stage that Sara loosely suggested Amber might have taken it. I told her that Amber would never do anything like that, and the conversation ended there.

Yesterday morning, the day Amber was leaving, Sara told me she wanted to search Amber's room before she left. I asked her not to and assured her that there was no way Amber would have taken it. Sara didn't sound convinced but didn't say too much, and I had to run to work.

Later that day, when I was driving Amber to the train station, I noticed she seemed upset and was much less chatty than usual, so I asked her what was wrong. She was hesitant to answer, but I persisted.

She eventually revealed that while I was at work, Sara had requested to search her room for the necklace. Amber reluctantly agreed. After the search yielded no results, Sara proceeded to ask Amber to search her bags. Not wanting to argue, Amber complied, but nothing was found.

I was livid by this and apologized to Amber multiple times. I assured her that I would address the situation with Sara. Amber asked me not to, as she didn't want future interactions with Sara to be awkward. I reassured her that Sara's behavior was unacceptable and that she needn't worry.

After dropping off Amber and returning home, I confronted Sara about the incident. She claimed she "needed to be sure" and that Amber had been "acting suspiciously" and "was being superficially nice." I told her that her actions were completely unwarranted and a major breach of Amber's privacy.

Sara insisted that she was only trying to protect her belongings and said that she didn't believe her actions were disrespectful. She continued to argue that Amber's behavior had been suspicious, but I interrupted her, stating "enough." I firmly expressed that her accusations were baseless and that she had made my own sister uncomfortable in my house.

We argued some more before I finally told her that I didn't want to hear anything more about the necklace unless it's an apology towards Amber. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Alarming_Reply_6286 said:

Did she demand to search everything in Amber’s room or just ask her? Like “hey I lost my necklace do you mind if I check in here? Did you happen to see it anywhere?” Searching her bag was absolutely ridiculous.

The fact that your wife continued to defend her actions after not finding anything is actually the problem here. A sincere apology would have gone a long way or maybe even claiming temporary insanity. But to continue to accuse Amber of acting suspicious?!? What does that even mean?? NTA

OP responded:

"Did she demand to search everything in Amber’s room or just ask her?" She asked to search the room after nothing turned up. She told Amber that she needed to check her bags "just to be sure"

[deleted] said:

NTA- Your wife has problems and I would address this before having any family over again.

Elenardb said:

NTA. Not sure what Sara meant by "suspicious behaviour" so without those details I'm going to say there was no reason for her to assume Amber took it. To jump to that conclusion about a guest in your house, let alone a family member, is wild. Things get misplaced all the time, especially small items like a necklace.

OP responded:

"Not sure what Sara meant by 'suspicious behaviour'" I don't know either because she didn't specify beyond that!

Legitimate_Bison3756 said:

NTA. Calling someone a thief is very hurtful and is a serious accusation. Your wife should apologize, especially after she up and down went through your sister's bags. In what situation would she not apologize? Reminds me of those videos where a person accuses another person for stealing their phone and then they find it at the bottom of their purse.

And GlaDOS_22 said:

Most definitely NTA - your wife owes a HUGE apology to your sister. What she did is not ok and can damage the relationship you have with your sister and your family. Your wife seriously needs to take a step back and work on herself. This type of behaviour is not ok and can become toxic quickly.

He later shared this update:

5 Days after this post was made, the necklace has been found! It was in the trunk of my wife's car, it somehow got underneath the carpet.

And no, she still doesn't want to apologize. In fact she said she didn't want me to tell Amber it was found, but I told her nonetheless.