Ex-bridesmaid changes her RSVP to 'decline' 45 days before the wedding date. AITA?
"AITA for changing my RSVP to decline 45 days before a wedding?"
The bride got engaged and then chose a date for the wedding that was less than a year away. Initially I was asked to be a bridesmaid but the dress was $500-600 so I stepped down from the wedding (with plenty of time in advance).
She told my friends I ruined her wedding and she didn't get why I didn't just buy the dress, it was this whole thing. But we spoke about it and we hashed it over. I saw the bride in group settings multiple times and everything was fine.
I hadn't seen the bride in a few months and my best friend who is part of the wedding asked if I would go over the bride's house with her because she also hadn't seen the bride in a few months and the wedding is about 2-3 months away.
But I was sick (they have a little baby who was just getting over being sick) so I texted them and apologized saying I was sick and wouldn't be coming over but would love to get together once I was feeling better. They both ignored me and cold shouldered me.
I texted the bride individually just apologizing again for not going over, stating again I didn't want to get anyone sick esp the baby. She responded this long text saying how it was sus I didn't come over and that I didn't care about her wedding, how she didn't understand the "financial issue" of me not being able to buy the bridesmaid dress, and asking why I didn't just take my BF'S money to buy the dress.
Long story short, we communicated about it and we hashed it over (again). This convo ended with her saying she wanted to have fun at the wedding, that texts always are hard to interpret and it was water under the bridge, we agree to disagree and that she cares about me and our friendship.
I agreed and asked her if she wanted to get dinner at a local restaurant and she said she'd love to. Side note: it was about 1-2 weeks AFTER I declined going to her house because of sickness, so when I asked her to dinner I was no longer sick, it took her a couple days to respond back to me each time lol.
That same night she asked my best friend and our other friend (whose not in the wedding party) to get dinner at that exact restaurant and didn't invite me (and ignored my text). They all went and she continued to talk about me to them. She then invited every single female to her bridal shower & I was not invited.
One of the other girls invited added me to a group chat making plans on what to bring to the bridal shower the day before the bridal shower. I asked my best friend who is a bridesmaid why I was in the group chat bc I never got an invite and my friend just said "Oh my god I don't know why she put you in the group chat."
I feel like if you are actively excluding me from plans, not wanting to hang out with me directly or in group settings, and if you don't want me at your bridal shower, why would you want me at your wedding? The wedding is 45 days away and it is not a catered meal, it is a food truck.
AITA for considering changing my wedding invite to decline? I feel like I'm the bad guy if I do go or if I don't go. I should add this is not a life long close best friend - otherwise I would've sucked it up lol.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
PeppermintWindFarm said:
NTA. Frankly what you’re describing sounds like a bunch of middle school girls. I’d have bailed on the friendship after the disturbing comments re buying a 400-600.00 dress. You are not her ”friend” you’re a prop or extra for her wedding event.
InappropriateAccess said:
NTA because you always have the right to decline an invitation, but I would go anyway. The bride is definitely something else but it sounds like you have a lot of friends who will be going, and it will be fun to spend time with them. I’d go, play nice, be the bigger person, and let them compare the bride’s nonsense to your actions.
unsafeideas said:
NTA I just don't think this person is really your friend anymore. Also, the idea that you should borrow money for bridesmaids dress is absurd. That would indeed be an irresponsible money management. Obvious consequence of not going is that she won't consider you a friend anymore and may talk about you behind your back. But, she is already doing both, so there is nothing to lose here.
until_eventually said:
NTA she doesn’t sound like a genuine friend, l would also assume the relationship will be 100% over after declining. I would be completely honest about why you are not attending. Side note, I am also amazed that a food truck would be the main meal at a wedding when expected to wear a $600 bridesmaid dress?!
TechnicalFeedback713 said:
NTA - This person doesn't seem to be a friend. How self centred does and ignorant does a person have to be to not understand why someone can't afford to spend that much money on a bridesmaids dress. I personally would've duck out of the wedding completely after her first tone deaf rant about the dress.
FiddleStyxxxx said:
NTA but personally, I'd go to the wedding. You guys aren't hanging out so you're disconnected from actually enjoying each other's company. I think if you hang out things will improve but maybe they'll die out over time. You can choose to go or not, but I'd take the high road and get her a nice gift and go congratulate her at the wedding graciously.
hadMcDofordinner said:
NTA No one in the group is defending you in any way. The bride is immature and just can't accept your decisions. Why do you want to spend time with these people? LOL If you go, think about how you will respond (or not) when more drama inevitably follows.