Ex-husband’s affair with teen tuition recipient collapses into his pity party and custody chaos. AITA? + UPDATE
"AITA for being upset that my ex husband didn’t take our divorce the way he took his recent break up?"
I (32F) was married to Cam (34M) for 6 years and together for 16 years in total and we also share a daughter, Mia (4F). A bit of background, I was a SAHM and he worked but I noticed he was coming home late.
He started getting angry a lot, also always on his phone and to mention I had caught him looking at this girls instagram story before but I didn’t think anything of it. Shortly after that I found out he was cheating on me with Sky (now 19F) yeah barely legal. When I found out obviously I was hurt but I was also completely disgusted that he was cheating and willing to ruin our family for her.
I became a SAHM when my daughter was born and we made an agreement that he was in charge of our money and he would just give me his card to use when if I needed to buy anything. I wasn’t making any income except for the money I had before having our daughter which I kept in my bank account and I saved it for emergencies.
I felt stuck because I didn’t know what to do and for my daughter’s sake I didn’t end up leaving up. I had got suspicious and I went to look for the girl through his followings on Facebook and Instagram. I ended up finding the girl story he was looking up Instagram and I just made an assumption that it might’ve been her and I shot her a dm.
Long story short, she was rude as hell. She had zero remorse and kept on telling me to bother my husband who cheated instead of bothering her. She was aware he had a wife and family but didn’t care and even told me that he was paying her tuition. I ended up getting mad and telling her to stay away from my husband but she just told me she would keep going and it was just fun.
After that I guess she told my husband and I think he realized that I wasn’t leaving. He literally would leave his location on even when he went to her college campus which really pissed me off because I couldn’t see how he was really ruining all we had for some girl who isn’t even serious about him and also not even effing legal to drink yet.
Our daughter, Mia, attends ballet and they had a performance. This is what really was my breaking point because our child should always come first. He was out all night long that Friday and on Saturday was the recital and obviously he needed to be there for Mia’s first recital.
I gave him until 11pm then I finally called him and guess who picked up the phone? Sky. She told me that he was busy and then hung up and that was my breaking point. I quickly packed some of mine and Mia’s stuff up and I woke her up so we could go to my mom’s house who didn’t live far.
So we ended up crashing the night there as I didn’t want him to come back home to us nor did I want to see him when I woke up. That was a year ago. Now, we’re divorced and I have full custody of Mia while he has visitation rights.
I got a job, saved up, and now in an apartment and while it’s not the best, it’s good for me and Mia for the time being. Anyways, after the divorce they ended up getting together for a couple of months. While they were together he was visiting Mia but not as often, I’d say like twice a month.
To nobody’s surprise she ended up leaving him after a couple of months, but this is where I may be the AH. Ever since they’ve broken up he’s been depressed. He drinks a lot, he doesn’t eat much, he’s always sulking on the couch and just not himself.
He comes over more often to see Mia which is why I know this and I feel a way. He’s all depressed because she left but didn’t have this energy when we divorced after being together for 16 years?
When we divorced he didn’t seem to care at all, he was just nonchalant about it and kept messing around with Sky but now that this girl you were barely with left you, you’re depressed?
I know he’s going through it but I can’t help but feel a certain way about this. AITA for being upset that my ex husband didn’t take our divorce the way he took his recent break up?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Get him off your effing couch, don't let him in your house. If he wants to spend time with your daughter he can organize himself. Don't be a fool and get back with him. He's a loser, and you'll be an even bigger loser. Get on with your own life, make things better for your daughter.
SERIOUSLY. Let him take your kid elsewhere. Glow up and make sure he sees you do it, that you’re “too busy” for him, and accept that his behavior is not only him realizing what a loser he is and what he lost but that he never respected you in the first place.
When he broke up with you he had a new GF in the picture, when she broke up with him, he realized what he threw away.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
I’m so overwhelmed right now, I didn’t except this to escalate so quickly but it did. Firstly, I want to thank everybody who gave me advice I really appreciate it all. I’m sorry if I took long to reply to comments, I had a busy morning especially with a 4 year old who attends preschool and also hates getting up in the morning.
A bit of background about their relationship, at least the stuff I know. The divorce happened last year so at the time sky was 18. I clarified this in the comments but I’m gonna say it again.
Cam was the one who offered Sky to pay her tuition and I think he did that to keep her around. After I found out about the divorce he would come home angry, he would call her names and was mad because she was seeing other guys in college and posting herself going to parties.
I don’t know how long their affair was. All I know is how they met, at least this is what he told me. Cam told me that they met at a club and he thought Sky was older but then she later told him it was a fake ID.
Now I don’t believe he thought that one bit. Sky SCREAMS teenager, I could tell by just one peek at her Instagram. She looks super young, she dresses like a teenager, she has braces with a very youthful face, and she types/acts just like her age.
Cam has visitation rights and he comes over to see Mia which I am gonna make arrangements to change that. When he comes over you could just feel the negative energy coming in with him by his attitude and the way he looks.
While Mia is occupied that’s when he vents to me about Sky which I don’t know why the hell he does. I will admit I’m stupid as I don’t say anything, I just let him talk. I pretty much ignore him when he’s here like he doesn’t exist while he just would just vent randomly.
But let me tell you guys what just happened and I’m literally so pissed. My baby gets out of preschool at 2:30 (usually my mom would pick her up but I got to leave early) and her ballet practice is at 4pm.
While during the ballet practice you could either leave your kid there or you can stay in the practice with them. One of my closet girlfriend’s daughter also attends the class and I needed to get groceries for our meals. So with her permission I left out for a bit.
My guess is that Cam gave Sky my number because I genuinely don’t see how else she could get it. Anyways, long story short she has Reddit and she came across my post and was pissed about it.
Guys no joke, this little girl and her friends was spamming my phone with calls. She would call me and say horrible things and then next I would get another call from somebody else who would say other stuff, this happened about 7 times.
The two first times, admittedly I went back and forth but as it kept going I finally got the hint they were playing with my phone so I allegedly started recording and just let them yell and insult.
I knew they were all together because when Sky called first I could hear other girls giggling or saying slick garbage in the background. I allegedly didn’t get the whole thing on recording because it came out of the blue so I only got the last few.
If I was to file a harassment report about this would it be valid or not? I blocked them and threatened to call the cops the last time and they stopped but seriously this is childish as eff.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s update:
File harassment charges absolutely. Also, send all of the information about the affair and all of the recordings of her calls to you to her mommy and daddy.
Right if she's old enough to sleep with married men then she's old enough to deal with the fallout from harassing people. And since she found the last post. Grow up Sky, you home wrecking little tart.
Definitely file harassment charges against ALL of them. Stop Cam from coming to your house‼️ Finally tell him that you don't care about his misery. Sheesh, stop being a dumpster for him. Let him listen to what Sky and her friends did. Don't let him know if you plan to file charges because he will tip her off. Go back to court to amend the custody agreement to supervised drop-offs and pickups.
Tell him to stop using you as his sounding board. You don't want to listen to his heartbreak. Or walk away when he laments his lost love. And make other arrangements for his visits to Mia. Maybe he takes her out and not be around you. Just don't be near him.
Omg she’s just a revolting little thing isn’t she? She was totally suited to your scumbag ex too. Pity they didn’t work out. They’re both immature half wits. When your ex starts whining about his side piece shut that down. He is there to spend time with his daughter, you are not his therapist.