Ex-girlfriend justifies $3K credit card theft as 'getting back on her feet' after breakup. AITA?
"My ex-girlfriend stole my emergency credit card and ran up a $3000 bill. She says I owe it to her to get her 'back on her feet' after we broke up. She also said she's not paying it back."
My ex and I broke up late last year. She wanted to go out constantly and I did not, our lifestyles just weren't compatible. She lived at my house and I didn't make her pay anything as I make significantly more than her.
What really sucked was that if she really wanted to, she could have essentially squated in my house for months while I'd have had to file eviction papers. In the end, I paid for an apartment deposit and first month's rent on a place for her.
I hadn't spoken with her at all until a week ago when I got a collection notice in the mail. The credit card I literally don't use and only had for emergencies was maxed out and charged off.
When I looked into it, I found it had been maxed out by March of this year. When I downloaded the statements, it's all fast food, Victoria's Secret and grocery stores. Also found the card was missing.
I texted her asking about it and she called me and said she did it because I left her with basically nothing and she needed back on her feet. She then said I was lucky she didn't sue me for emotional distress.
I hung up because she literally has sued coworkers, twice, and got settlements both times. I'm thinking of just going to the police and letting them deal with her. My credit score has dropped about 200 points in a year. Any other advice I might be missing?
Edit:
I filed the police report and I'm sending the information to the credit bureaus tonight. There were a lot of questions about her previous lawsuits, one was for harassment and the other for sexual harassment.
They were both iffy cases but both businesses settled. I probably should have been watching my credit better. This was the first time in probably a year and a half that I even checked my credit.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
Collect as much evidence as you can and go straight to the police.
If you file a police report, it will drop off your credit report. And the odds of her getting in legal trouble are actually pretty slim in most areas in the US.
She committed FRAUD. Period.
And despite being your EX, she's still screwing you. Tell her you're going to the police. Then DO it.
Why are you wasting time asking questions of a bunch of strangers when you know you should report her to the police for theft? You know you owe her nothing.
Any time I see these posts I always ask the same thing. This isn't someone stealing something a few hundred bucks or your food from the fridge, having a shitty credit score and overcharged/late payment credit cards sticks with you for years and effects so many things from your ability to get a loan to even some jobs I have seen. And yet people come on here like they don't know exactly what they need to do.
A little under two months later, the OP returned with an update.
I heard back from the investigator on my case on Friday. He did a remarkable job from what it sounds like, she confessed to him that she only used my credit card for "essentials" and then said she also used it at Victoria's Secret.
She was charged with felony credit card fraud and had to get a public defender. Since she's never been in legal trouble before, she's being offered 12 months probation.
I also got an order of protection against her which she didn't contest. The final ruling is supposed to go through at the start of January but the investigator said it's basically a done deal.
I'm alright with how it turned out. Probation is probably a pretty big deal for her, I know something like that would absolutely get me fired from my job and drastically alter my life.
The charge off was removed from my credit reports and my score is back above 760. I actually watch my credit now and I'll be keeping an eye on the public record for her court case just to be safe. I appreciate everyone's advice/encouragement!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Committing a felony sure is a great way to get back at your ex especially a felony that can easily be traced back to you! Wish my ex had done that instead of fucking her way into my friend group.
Don’t forget to admit to said felony when questioned about it!
Imagine making a gambit that could ruin your entire life and it was only for $3000.
Sounds like her past experience at court gave her the sense of entitlement to take whatever she decided she wanted. OP was more than reasonable to offer her a first payment on an apartment when she left. I hope probation treats her well and knocks some sense into her... but probably not. People as entitled as this seldom change.
Ha. Her public defender is basically escorting her to plea-deal town. Sucks to suck. And that felony is going to follow her to jobs, travel, and future rentals. Her life has just entered hard-mode.
This stupid, vengeful move by OP's ex will ruin her life. Being a felon is no joke when it comes to things like applying for jobs and she'll always have to check the box if she ever wants to travel out of the country. FAFO.
You really gotta to wonder what goes through some people’s head. Sure they’re crazy and that’s why the term “my crazy ex” exists. But is there a functional brain up there AT ALL? No concept of self preservation from the looks of it.
It’s a legitimate nightmare of mine to have a criminal record. I don’t know why someone would get one over something so stupid like a breakup or for credit fraud.