'AITA for excluding my SIL from family gatherings because of her children?'
"AITA for excluding my SIL from family gatherings because of her children?"
It’s a complicated situation. My husband is one of four children. The oldest child Alice is a SAHM to five children. The second son is a child free man. The third child is his antinatalist sister [Anitnatalist: someone who believes that it is wrong to have children or that people should be encouraged not to have them] . And my husband and I are child free.
Basically, one sibling has a lot of children. The other three siblings don’t have any children, and mostly dislike children. The siblings are all a year apart each, in their late 20s.
My husband, his childless siblings, and their parnters are all very close. We all hang out regularly, and we all like to host. They will not let Alice’s children come to their homes at all. My husband's antinatalist sister just hates kids, and the kids have broken a bunch of stuff his brother's house.
I don’t want the kids over at our house because if they come over the other two siblings will make up an excuse to leave. And hanging out with Alice and her five kids without anyone I like being over just sounds really unappealing.
Alice called me and said that she’s upset and feels excluded because we all hang out without her and post about it on social media. She said she’s feeling depressed and isolated and she only ever interacts with her children.
It’s hard for me to be sympathetic because she chose this life for herself. Her family by no means pressured her into marrying young. They actually tried to talk her out of it. FIL offered to pay for her college if she went.
I’ve said she’s welcome to come over to the next thing I host if she leaves her kids at home with her husband. She said her husband can’t watch them alone and she shouldn’t have to leave them behind anyways. She said family should want to spend time with family.
I told her she’s the one who chose her lifestyle, and if she has a problem she should take it up with her actual siblings, not her SIL, and I’m done talking to her. I blocked her number because she kept texting me. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Is there a reason behind as to why the siblings don’t really like or care to bond with Alice? I get annoyed of kids but I love my sister dearly if she had children that wouldn’t stop me from seeing her. It’s a bit drastic to completely cut her off for the mere fact that she has children. I’m hoping there’s more to it than just that. If there isn’t then damn your husband and his siblings are AH.
Usual_Ad7541 OP responded:
She’s a typical boy mom who makes her kids her whole personality and she has no life outside of her kids. You can’t talk about anything around her without her changing the topic to her kids somehow.
If Alice feels excluded, why isn’t she inviting the whole set of siblings and partners to her place?
Usual_Ad7541 OP responded:
Her house is really gross and unsanitary. Goldfish and chicken nuggets mushed into the couch, dirty diapers everywhere. It smells really awful. No one wants to go to her house.
You must be a really self-centered and callous person to make these posts not caring that it hurts Alice’s feelings.
Usual_Ad7541 OP responded:
My life doesn’t revolve around Alice. If she doesn’t like seeing my posts she could easily unfollow me, or maybe get off her phone and go spend time with her kids.
Okay. We get it. Your life revolves around social media. Enjoy!
YTA. To be clear, you don't just hang out together without her, you also post about it on social media. What is the point of that other than showing her that she's not included? Do you somehow make money off these posts and they're a source of income? Or...? Oh, it's that you hate her and want her to know that you disapprove of her lifestyle.
Usual_Ad7541 OP responded:
It’s normal for people to post things on social media. My friends like to see what I’m up to. For instance, if I post that I’m going to a concert a friend might say they’re going too, let’s go to a bar together afterwards. Do you not have friends or something?
NTA. And she shouldn't be bothering you as the SIL (so you're not a direct sibling) over this. You are right to block her. She should talk to her actual siblings and not pressure you.
Why can't her husband watch them alone? What kind of idiot is he? maybe they should stop having babies if one of them can't handle them alone for a few hours. What if the mother gets sick or needs to urgently go somewhere?
Usual_Ad7541 OP responded:
The kids are all super dependent on her, and they’ll all cry and throw a fit if she leaves them with him.