'AITA for exposing my mom's lifelong grudge against me because I was born on the wrong day?'
"AITA for exposing my mom's lifelong grudge against me because I was born on the wrong day?"
Soggy-Hunt3889
I'm (21m) the middle child of five siblings. And I always knew my mom treated me very differently from the rest of my siblings. It caused my parents marriage to end because my dad made it very clear he wouldn't tolerate her being so different with me.
This was after he tried to figure out why she was so different with me. A few close family knew and said it was PPD from when she had me, that apparently only affected her ability to bond with me and not any of my four siblings, just me, the middle kid.
I have a sibling one year younger than me and she bonded with her just fine. I was a teenager when I got into a fight with mom one day and she accused me of always hating her and never wanting her to be happy.
I asked what she meant by that and she told me that I had to come on the one day she had other plans, that it was bad enough I was overdue when I was born, but I prevented her from reading a book that released that day that she'd made plans to read months in advance.
She told me I just had to be born that day so she was too tired to read it on the release day and she was weeks behind. She said I couldn't even be born normally like my siblings and I was a c-section baby.
She told me it ruined her plans so bad and I never seemed to care. Then she mentioned how much I cried when she was around and how good I did with dad. She said I made her seem like such a monster and none of my siblings were like that.
She told me I clearly always wanted to come between her and dad. She was pretty serious about it too. She said I started ruining her life the day I was born. It really shocked me when she told me all this.
At first I didn't/didn't want to believe it. Dad and I even did a DNA test around that time because we were like, maybe she's making up a dumb reason so we won't know she cheated, but I'm definitely dad's kid. DNA confirmed it.
My relationship with mom is as bad as the day I was born apparently and I get a hard time from some family friends and extended family members who see me not being close with my mom as me being awful to her for no reason.
They put the bad relationship on me and at my grandparents house on Saturday I got so tired of the comments and mom sneering at me the whole time, they I exposed what she said to me when I was a teenager and the blame she put on me being born the wrong day for our bad relationship.
Mom half admitted it because she got so angry she verbally lashed out at me. It created a nightmare and some family members think I made a big deal out of nothing but others were disgusted with mom. I was told I was wrong to expose her like that. Mom told me I had no business doing that. So I ask, AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Trevena_Ice
NTA. She hated you, her own child for something you couldn't control. That is bizzar and absolutly wrong from her. I'm sorry, that you have someone like that as a mother and I hope you have at least a parent figure in your dad. Do not give 5 cents about anything your mother says anymore. She doesn't deserve that you care about her.
The OP responded here:
Soggy-Hunt3889
My dad is great. He did his best to make sure I didn't suffer as much from mom's attitude toward her. His only regret is he couldn't keep me from her entirely but that was never going to happen and I know that.
Any_Instance3697
NTA-Born on the wrong day? That's a new level of ridiculousness. You did the right thing exposing her.
The OP again responded:
Soggy-Hunt3889
Yep and all because of a book too which only adds to the insanity of this.
Even_Enthusiasm7223
At this point you're an adult, sorry you had a crappy childhood because your mom is insane. If it would help I would go no contact with your mom, and keep contact with your siblings and of course your father.
You now know the truth, which is possibly the harshest thing. A parent can say to a child. But at least now you know she blames you from the moment you were born that you ruined her life over a book. That must be a hell of a book.
If it's bothering you, go to therapy. If not, don't even talk to your mom anymore. Don't go to events where she's at. Don't invite her to life events and try to keep in contact with your siblings. The family that is on your side because it's true. NTA, but your mom needs serious therapy and help.
Sodamyte
look... Order of the phoenix was a very important part of cultural history and you were extremely selfish for making her miss it you demon child.. (Totally /s)
you are NTA in any way shape or form.
Immediate-Bison-9755
NTA. Your mom sounds like a piece of work. Could be PPD, but thinking she was going to get time to read a book before or after your birth was delusional and it seems she cared more about that than giving a care about her newborn baby.
She’d have been too tired to read anyway, whether after your birth or not, and she said you were late so how’d she think she be able to read the book if you came on-time?
She’s just a bad parent and your dad was right to have a problem with her treatment of you. Your family doesn’t see all the other things that go on or hear what is said, so their opinions don’t matter.