Woman splits will 80/20 in favor of 'struggling daughter', gets accused of favoritism.
Finalizing a will is a tricky subject. Deciding who gets the house, the car, and other assets isn't always simple, especially if you have children in various stages of their lives. Many people look at wills as a quantifiable way to measure love when it's just making sure your important belongings don't get taken by the state.
On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, a woman is confronted by her daughter for getting the 'short end' of her will.
My husband and I have two daughters, Emma (32F) and Sam(29F). My husband died of a stroke two years ago, and he left everything to me. I’m rewriting my will as well in case something happens to me. Originally everything was split 50/50 between the girls, but now I’m splitting about 80/20 in favor of Emma.
Emma has ADHD and isn’t doing great in life. In those days, everyone just assumed she was lazy and didn’t get the help children today get until she was in her teens. She had just finished high school and worked as a stocker at a retail store. It’s backbreaking, and she doesn’t have much in the way of savings or anything. Her car was her father’s when he passed.
Sam works in tech as a project manager; her husband is a doctor. They live in a million-dollar house and have two kids. I’m not worried about Sam. She’s always been competent and excelled at everything. She was always the overachiever, and I don’t think she needs help financially. She and her husband probably take home $500k after taxes a year.
I want Emma to inherit the house and car when I pass. I think it will be good for her because she can live in it or sell it and buy another one. Sam will be fine, and she and her husband have several houses and a summer home. But Sam is angry with me because I’ve clarified that Emma gets most of our belongings.
The bank savings and stocks will go to Sam, but if I live to my 80s, she won’t have too much; probably 20-30% of the house is worth. But I think it’s fair because she is doing much better.
Sam called me to yell at me, saying I’m favoring Emma. I reminded her of how much worse off Emma is than her, but she said since they were both my daughters, she should get things 50/50, or it’s favoritism. She reminded me that growing up, we always spent more on Emma than her.
But that’s because she was at the top of her class while Emma was failing. I put Emma in extra tutoring because she needed it more. She said I should will half of the inheritance to her children for college funds, but I reminded her she makes more and can save for them. I told her it was not about me favoring Emma over her, but Emma was worse off, and she would be fine, which resulted in her hanging up and refusing to come over for Christmas.
The internet has some of the best advice on wills.
Traditional_Pilot_26 says:
It might be better to put Emma's in a trust than give it to her outright.
just_hear_4_the_tip says:
It's your estate to do with what you want, but don't assume that just because two adult daughters are in one place in life now, they won't be in a different position later. Also, will one daughter be an executor? Have power of attorney? Be involved in future elder care? If so, does your split of assets align with which daughter you'd want in those roles?
SoSleepySue says:
Slight YTA (You're the A**hole). I'm on the side that it should be fair regardless of their achievements. Both can inherit the house with the stipulation that Emma is allowed to continue to live there, but if the house is sold, it is split between the two. In our situation, the attorney drew up a tenancy agreement. You should check into it.
4614065 says:
This is a tough one. My sibling is the same - my parents have always worried about him, but he hasn’t learned to cope independently. I’d be livid if my parents left him the same split as you intend to do.
What’s wrong with 50/50? Surely there will still be enough for Emma to buy a home with 50% of the estate. Even 60/40 in Emma’s favor would be more decent. 80/20 is a jump. YTA
Well, OP, the intention might have been in the right place, but the execution left your eldest daughter rightfully hurt so it seems.