'AITA for feeding my husband well, causing SILs husband to insult her for not doing the same?'
"AITA for feeding my husband well, causing SIL's husband to insult her for not doing the same?"
Recently I hosted a dinner party for my husband's birthday. The whole family showed up for it and it was nice. After dinner, I started preparing my husbands lunch for the following day.
Background: My husband comes from a very liberal family. I come from a very conservative family. While I vote blue, I still have a lot of conservative tendencies I guess. My husband makes more money and pays most of the bills, and I’m grateful for this.
Because of this, I do most of the chores and cooking. I only work part time and we don’t have children so I easily have the time to do this. He makes me happy, so I try to make him happy too.
Anyways, my husband and his brother work together. I pack my husband pretty nice lunches. That particular night I was preparing him brisket sandwiches and some sides, I had been letting the brisket smoke all day so it was finally ready.
BIL commented on how nice the brisket smells, and how he was jealous that my husband always has such good lunches. He said he’s lucky if his wife will pack him a ham and cheese sandwich.
His wife said ‘you’re a grown man, you can make your own sandwiches’ which made me laugh, because it’s definitely true. He got mad and pointed out that I work part time, but I still make the time to cook for my husband, and that since she doesn’t work at all, she should have plenty of time.
At this point I was super uncomfortable and disappeared myself to a part of the kitchen where I couldn’t see them. They got in a screaming match, until eventually BIL went outside to smoke.
SIL came into the kitchen to heat up a bottle for their youngest. She kind of tore into me, and said that I should’ve waited till after they left to start on lunch, but they tend to leave really late, and by that point I’m ready to pass out. She said that he always gives her a hard time for not packing him lunches, and that I should let my husband deal with his own lunch for a change.
I told her that her marriage is her business, and if she doesn’t want to make lunches for her husband that’s fine, but I’m going to do what I want to do, and my marriage is a lot happier than hers, so I must be doing something right and she needs to mind her own buisness.
I also pointed out that BIL has always been an AH his whole life, and if she didn’t like it she shouldn’t have picked him as the guy she wanted to marry and have kids with. AITA? The whole family kind of thinks SIL is the AH, but I’ve been feeling guilty.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Yoir making lunches for your husband is a separate thing from your SIL making her husband lunches. Sounds like her husband is jealous, but it doesn't mean that you have to stop what you're doing just because someone else doesn't like it.
SIL also has kids at home-a 24/7 job. No shade at SIL at all. BIL can go eat rocks. And make his own lunch. And stop dragging you into his marriage.
Exactly! OP making lunch for her husband has nothing to do with SIL’s marriage, and BIL needs to quit being salty and pack his own damn sandwich. Also, SIL is literally raising kids.
That’s a full-time job, and BIL acting like she’s just sitting around all day is straight-up disrespectful. Dude needs to stop comparing marriages and start appreciating his own wife instead of whining about what’s on his plate (or not).
"She doesn’t work at all. SIL came into the kitchen to heat up a bottle for their youngest (implying multiple children)"
Yeah, LOL, only one of these can be true. Your BIL sounds like a total AH.
NTA you’re just doing what works for your relationship and their issues aren’t your responsibility.
Some of your comments were quite mean, you had to know she was upset with her husband. Something like I’m sorry he’s unreasonable and doesn’t understand that kids are a full time job would have been nicer. BIL is the AH here.
NTA can't speak on whether your SIL is lazy or busy or what and therefore unable to make her husband something but it seems to me you and your husband have a nice routine and split of responsibilities and she's just not got that.
I think it's cute you do that for him and I bet you both value it a lot. Its important to take care of our loved ones and diet is a big part of that. Don't let her jealousy/laziness whatever it is put a dampener on a beautiful thing between you and your husband.
Definitely NTA for packing his lunches. But YTA for what you said to your SIL. Granted she was being a pushy and overbearing AH herself, but you hopped right on that bandwagon by saying your marriage is a lot happier than hers and that her husband has always been an AH. Both of those things might be true, but also are objectively AH things to say to someone’s face.
ESH. You seem so nice at the beginning, but then you show you true colors. You had no bussines commenting on her choice of a husband and their relationship. Everything was fine until then. But in just a moment, you became AH yourself. You should have just said to suck it up and mind her own business.
lol. I was with you until you went nuclear in that last paragraph.
Exactly. It sounded very.... smug. Sister in law warming the bottle suggests the child they have a young child - OP sounds like she's got no idea what that can be like.