'My fiancé cheated on me with his ex for 6 months and I'm the homewrecker. AITA?'
"My fiancé cheated on me with his ex for 6 months and I'm the homewrecker. AITA?"
I was about to be married in a month to the love of my life until i woke up yesterday to a text from a girl who said im dating her boyfriend. Long story short for the past 6 months while we were preparing for our wedding, making long term plans my fiance has been in contact with his ex gf of 10 years.
this person, whose name i didnt even know until yesterday because from the very start he picked a random girl on the instagram and told me that was his ex (which again wasnt his ex but a random a#$ person) and until yesterday his ex thought of me as a home wrecker and thought i knew all about her.
his mom even was in conversation with his ex's mom until October where they made commitments to meet each other, and then in December his mom talked to my mom and asked for blessings since thats how it works in our culture. but due to a death in my family we didnt actually get to meet but it was supposed to happen in a few days.
He lied to me about every single thing, it almost feels like he tried to trap me. But he has told his ex that he doesnt want anything to do with her last month (which i found out yesterday through her) This is the man that i loved with every inch of me. the man i gave everything, the man i was ready to put my life away for, my dreams.
The man who was a complete different and opposite version of himself until the day before yesterday. Yet a huge part of me wants to forgive, wants us to take time and redo things the correct way. Even after knowing his reality and seeing his lies, this is the man who ive loved the most and who has hurt me the most. What should I do?
Until yesterday his ex was ready to be married to him, now after knowing the whole truth she has backed off. their relationship was very different from mine. theirs has always been extremely toxic. but mine, was perfect like a fairytale until yesterday when the whole thing collapsed.
Can people really change? Can he become the person he always wanted to be but didnt become? can we try it again one more time and make it work? is a man capable of that? i do think he loves me. because if he didnt there were plenty opportunities he couldve just went back to her.
but he stayed. we had problems and we worked through them. but the connection he started with her he couldnt put it to end until the circumstances brought it to an end
Here's what people had to say to OP:
you deserve WAY better than that. If he’s been lying and betraying you like that, he’s not worth your time or heart. You’re strong enough to walk away and heal from this. Don’t waste your energy on someone who doesn’t respect you. You’ll find someone who values you for real.
OP, you are not the homewrecker here. You’re not responsible for his lies and betrayal. He made choices that hurt both you and his ex, and you’re just the one who got caught in the fallout. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for his actions. You're deserving of someone who respects you and builds a relationship based on trust, not deceit. Stay strong and focus on what’s best for you moving forward!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’re dealing with a massive betrayal, and it’s understandable to feel conflicted. Take some time to process everything and reflect on what you truly need from a relationship moving forward. Trust is hard to rebuild, but your emotional well-being is the most important thing.
Okay so going on your posts this guy you've been with since August and you wanna marry him? Wtf? No!
You need to ditch him and have some time relationship free. You rebounded from being near marriage with another guy to this guy that you "need" within a few months and this dude has repeatedly thrown out many red flags, on what you've posted alone he's had pics of his ex on his phone, didn't want an STI test and slept through your date.
Yes, you deleted those posts but they can still be easily accessed. I wonder what more you haven't shared. Honestly, so many people have told you to break up but you ignore them and continue to punish yourself. So tempted to send you a link of all the posts you've done on here in hopes that you can read them all and snap the f&^% out of this.
meii09 OP:
i feel helpless. i feel like i cant make it out of this. it hurts a lot.
There are always two sides to the story. The circumstances are really suspicious for this “ex” actually wanting to sabotage you two. Have you talked to your fiance about this? Not sure what culture you’re from, but if it’s one with arranged marriages, she may have thought she had dibs on him and is now lying to try to break you guys up.
meii09 OP:
its no lies. they were in contact for the past 6 months. they did talk abt their parents meeting in october to which he didnt go. she showed me proof. he said her mother kept calling them to ask about marriage and he felt pressured to give in to a 10 year old bond but then he never did
In response to comments here's what OP had to say:
i want him. i need him in my life. ive seen a lot of s&^% in my life. i want the stability security he gave me. the love and reliance i got from him. both the mothers have moved on. his mother talked to me and told me they want me to clear my heart and give him a chance and im the one who his whole family wants.
no sympathies are going to make it hurt less. when i posted this post i wanted someone to tell me a good reason to stay. because my heart ached to stay. but i realised staying will be more damaging than leaving. leaving feels hard and unbearable and it feels like ive lost myself completely and that this pain is going to make me self destruct instead of how people say it makes them stronger.
but staying. idk what staying would bring. will it bring happiness and loyalty. or pain . i dont have anything left in me for anything. im in denial that this became my life over night.
Later OP added this edit to the post:
he cant change. hes lied about every single thing. he ruined a lot of good things for me. im going to leave him. i feel damaged i feel used and i feel like everything i cant handle. i cant take. but he is not the solution to my pain