'AITA for fighting with my husband over leftover pizza?' 'I ALSO work full-time as a software developer.'

"AITA for fighting with my husband over leftover pizza?"

I (F31) and my husband (M31) have been married and living together for four years. Last night, we had a fight, and he called me selfish and said I overreacted. The argument started because, the night before, after he got home from work and was doing some extra work on his computer (he’s a mechanical engineer)...

I asked him to put away the leftover pizza from our dinner. He told me he was busy and that I should do it myself because I “wasn’t doing anything important.” I got angry. He did put away the pizza, though he complained about it. Later, I apologized for how I reacted.

But when we talked about it again today, he told me I was unreasonable and should have understood that he was working and that I interrupted him for no good reason. We ended up fighting again.

Here’s the thing—I also work full-time as a software developer. I feel like I do most of the housework for us. Every day, I do all the dishes, cook and prepare meals, and sweep the house. I also do the laundry on weekends. He does contribute—he mows the grass once or twice a month, waters the plants daily, and cleans up after our dogs once or twice a week.

That night, I had worked all day. After he got home and started working again (by choice—he wasn’t doing extra hours), I cleaned the floors, did the dishes, and made the pizza from scratch.

And yet, he couldn’t take five minutes to put the food away? I didn’t even asked him to clean the dishes, I know I wasn’t busy at that exact moment, but it was my free time. I had worked all day, and I wanted to rest. I don’t think it was selfish to ask him for help just because he chose to spend his free time working.

We make almost the same salary and contribute equally to our finances. I know our division of household chores is something I agreed to, and it’s generally fair. But I still feel like, in that moment, he should have just helped and put the food away, because I did all the other chores by myself. Am I the ahole?

EDIT:

There are very different opinions in the comments, and I appreciate all the feedback. I realize now that our argument and my anger may have stemmed from resentment over uneven household responsibilities. It wasn’t fair of me to ask him to stop working just to put away the food—I see that now. I think I felt unappreciated because of the way he refused, even though that likely wasn’t his intention.

I love him very much, and I know he works hard. I’m certain he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but we definitely need to have a deeper discussion about household chores.

Reflecting on it now, I realize that if I wanted to take on extra work or study after work, many of the daily chores would go undone. That’s something I need him to take more initiative on. I’m sure that if I explain this to him, he will completely understand.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

AsparagusOverall8454 said:

I think the bigger issue is that the chores aren’t split equitably and you’re resentful of the fact you do what appears to be quite a bit more than him. Time to sit down and talk about that.

SalaudChaud said:

NTA. Nobody is too busy to put away the leftovers of a scratch pizza that was made for them to enjoy. Good grief!

Top_Butterscotch8394 said:

On what planet is your division of household labor fair? You do 3x the chores he does! NTA.

happyjack88 said:

NTA. You both work full-time, and it's reasonable to expect a little help with household tasks, especially after you’ve done most of the work already. It doesn’t sound like a big ask for him to put away the pizza.

icecreampenis said:

NTA. But it's so not about the pizza.

Matic00 said:

Nta. You bought and cooked the meal, it’s pathetic that he is complaining.

Funny_Way_80 said:

ESH. He should do more of the housework, and seems very selfish. You were the one who noted the pizza being out and found it objectionable, but went and told someone else - who was already engaged in a different activity - to put it away. It'd have taken less time to just put it away yourself.

Senior_Parking6305 said:

NTA - You don’t have a pizza problem, you have a “don’t know what fair” means when it comes to dividing chores, problem. Your description of your chores far exceeds what he is contributing to the household. The conversation need to be had.