'AITA for crossing my legs on an 8-hour flight?' 'I kept the man in front of me from reclining.'

"AITA for crossing my legs on an 8-hour flight, which kept the man in front of me from reclining fully?"

My husband and I were flying internationally for our honeymoon. I’m about 5'2" and I’ve always crossed my legs while flying. It helps my restless legs and prevents the painful cramps I get when sitting straight for too long. Its never been an issue before.

Crossing my legs does slightly limit the person in front of me from reclining fully, but they can still recline about 75%. I always believed planes are shared spaces, we all compromise a bit for mutual comfort.

This flight, the man in front of me kept trying to push his seat all the way back but my knee stopped it just before it could go the full way. I didn’t say anything just quietly played games on my phone.

4 hours in, he suddenly slammed his seat into my leg. It hurt enough that I gasped out loud. I didn't confront him (I hate confrontation), but the man next to me looked over, concerned, and asked if I was okay. I just nodded.

An hour later it happened again even harder. My knee was crushed and I yelped. The man next to me got angry and yelled at him to “act his age,” then went to get a flight attendant.

That’s when things escalated. The man's adult daughter, seated beside him, immediately started yelling. She claimed I’d been kicking her dad’s seat the entire flight and refusing to let him recline. I was floored. I've never kicked anyone's seat.

I tried to explain, shaky voice and all, that I wasn’t trying to be rude, I’d just been sitting this way because my legs hurt when they’re straight. That what he thought was kicking was just my knee he kept hitting. My husband woke up during the commotion and jumped in to back me up. But the daughter didn’t listen.

She doubled down, again accusing me of kicking. She was rude to everyone, me, the man next to me, the flight attendant, and my husband. At one point she sneered, “Just recline your seat if you need more space,” and I explained it was my legs, not my back. Then she said, “If this was an Asian airline, this wouldn’t happen,” which felt completely unnecessary and hostile.

The flight attendant tried to calm things down and offered to reseat one of us, but I started to panic. This was my first international flight as an adult, I was overwhelmed, and I didn’t want to be separated from my husband. I was shaking, near tears, and just kept saying I’d keep my legs straight the rest of the flight.

So I did. For the last 3 hours, I didn’t move. My legs cramped up badly, and when we landed, it hurt to walk. The knee he slammed into twice was sore and tender for hours afterward.

After the flight, I thanked the man who stood up for me. My husband gently told me that yes, the guy technically had the right to recline fully. But I keep thinking, just because you can do something doesn’t mean it’s okay if it physically hurts someone else. Especially in a cramped space where we’re all just trying to coexist. AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

AnonymousUnderpants said:

ESH. OP, people are being hard on you so far, so let me try a different angle. I am so sorry that you were treated hostilely and (edited: I misunderstood so it sounds like she was not) subjected to racist micro-aggressions. I would’ve been near tears, too.

I think where you’re losing people is where you claim that you’ve never been confrontational, so you put yourself in pain instead of fixing it. In this case, you were offered various solutions.

You could have switched seats with your husband. You could’ve taken up the flight attendant on their offer for a new seat. But you refused all solutions and made yourself a martyr.

Part of traveling internationally is being flexible. And part of life in general is learning when to realize you’re not a victim, and that circumstances are sometimes hard on everyone.

FoundationBrave9434 said:

YTA, and I call shenanigans. I’m 5’2” as well - in order to do what OP is describing I’d have to be scooted so far forward my butt would be half out of my seat. You made this far more difficult than it needed to be. You also could have been switching your leg position throughout the flight instead of deciding to lock into this strange one.

Heck at 5’2” I can rotate my hips/shift my weight and angle with the short legs such that I gain a bit of extra space that way too. You didn’t say anything about those options either. Sadly for someone claiming to look for compromise, there’s none on your end just extremes.

JudgeJudyScheindlin said:

I’m going with ESH. If you were offered another seat where you could sit the way you prefer, you should have done that. This way, you could be comfortable, he could be comfortable, and everyone around you wouldn’t have to deal with the tension. Additionally, he could have also been the one to relocate to a new seat.

The guy does have the right to recline fully, he also paid for his seat. You can sit with your legs crossed, you also paid for your seat. After he slammed into your knee the first time you should have spoken up - saying that you avoid conflict is a cowards way out.

He hurt your leg and it’s possible that he didn’t realize (sometimes those seats get stuck and you need a little force to push them down). You could have politely said something to him. The daughter sounds like an unreasonable ahole.

Necessary_Ocelot_696 said:

YTA. You had the choice to move and refused? So you decided to make a point of being “right” instead of moving towards a resolution...or “compromise”. Your post reads like you’re a victim, and these men had to come to your defense.

Maybe next time talk to the person in front of you before it gets to this point if you knowingly block people from reclining? We all know flying sucks, especially internationally but you don’t get to demand that people “compromise” their right to decline due to your needs.

Then sit there and say nothing when you get the reaction you elicit. Also, do everyone, including yourself, a favor and purchase a seat with more leg room.

SalesTaxBlackCat said:

YTA. He has a right to recline his seat otherwise the chairs wouldn’t have that functionality. Also, it’s an 8 hour flight, not unusual for people to recline. The meltdown was silly. You behaved poorly then cried when the airline tried to help. Next time purchase a seat with more leg room.

Snoo-20174 said:

YTA. If your legs were close enough to his seat to prevent it from reclining, it also means he felt your knee every time you moved. In what way were you “compromising”? You were preventing him from using his space. Economy seats don’t recline that far. And at 5’2” on an international flight you almost had to deliberately position yourself to block him. Also, did you fully recline yours?