'AITA for forcing a DNA test on my kids because of my wife’s past?' 'She was furious.'
"AITA for forcing a DNA test on my kids because of my wife’s past infidelity?"
I have been married to my wife for 10 years. Early in our relationship, she cheated on me. After a lot of therapy and rebuilding, I forgave her and we decided to move forward. We now have two children, a 7-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter.
Recently, I stumbled across messages from an old friend that dredged up feelings of doubt. These messages weren’t about new infidelity but reminded me of the betrayal from years ago. It planted a nagging thought: what if the kids aren’t mine?
I brought up the idea of DNA tests to my wife, explaining it wasn’t about mistrusting her now but needing peace of mind. She was furious, calling it a betrayal of the trust we’ve rebuilt. She refused the tests, saying it’s insulting to our family. Still, I went ahead and tested our children without her knowledge.
The results confirmed I’m the biological father, but when my wife found out, she was devastated. She’s been distant and cold since, saying my actions proved I never truly forgave her. I believe my request was valid given her history, but now our relationship feels like it’s crumbling all over again. My wife says I’ve hurt our marriage more than her affair did. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
AnnaT70 said:
ESH. You haven't forgiven her and you certainly haven't moved on from an affair it sounds like your wife had years before the kids were born. Why marry her at all if you couldn't let this go (which is reasonable enough)?
Obviously she sucks for cheating and especially for her melodramatic comment about how the DNA tests were worse, lol. But you all need to give this marriage a mercy killing.
MemoriesOfAutumn said:
It was 100% about not trusting her. If you can’t move on after trying to rebuild trust then get a divorce. Don’t keep torturing your wife when you told her that you’ve moved past it.
Fancy-Pants-290 said:
ESH you for building a false sense of security for your wife. Your wife for the manipulation. Poor kids.
fordexy said:
NTA. She’s the one that caused it. She has no one to blame but herself.
Emergency-Twist7136 said:
YTA. Apparently you didn't forgive her or move forward. You're an idiot for staying with a cheater and having children with her, but having decided to be an idiot, commit to it and keep your word.
Mabel_Waddles_BFF said:
YTA. Your wife sucks for the affair. BUT you went to therapy, said you forgave her and had children together. It’s clear you didn’t really forgive her and now your children are caught in the middle of something that happened before they were even born. Work out what you want going forward, otherwise you’re going to keep doing this and your children deserve better.