'I found out seven months ago that my boyfriend has been cheating on me, but I haven’t told him I know.' AITA? + UPDATE AND TEXTS
"I found out seven months ago that my boyfriend has been cheating on me, but I haven’t told him I know."
I found out while he was away for work. A girl he slept with sent me a DM on Instagram she told me everything and even sent pictures. I remember staring at my screen, my heart pounding, my hands shaking. I felt like my entire world had just shattered. I didn’t even respond lol.
I just sat there, drowning in a pain. I finally understood what meant to have a dagger to the heart. Anyways I made a decision I wouldn’t confront him. Instead, I grieved and mourned our relationship like it had already died. I’ve been with him for three years I thought everything was going perfect. I didn’t see th is coming at all.
That entire week, I was alone, cycling through every emotion imaginable. And this might sound crazy, but there was a part of me that almost needed to feel the pain. Like I was clinging to it, letting it consume me an this may sound emo but it felt good.
I can’t explain it but I felt alive maybe this is borderline masochistic, but whatever. This is how I wanted to cope. Meanwhile, the girl kept messaging me. More pictures, more details, receipts lol and even videos.. it just got worse and worse. It turned into taunts and cursing.
it felt like she was desperate for us to break up. But I never responded. Instead, I kept reading her messages over and over, torturing myself with the truth until at some point it didn’t hurt anymore I started to feel numb.
He was still himself sweet and caring and affectionate. Like honestly I wouldn’t have suspected a thing if that girl didn’t dm me. He would sometimes catch on I’m acting off and I’d blame my hormones or stress from work and he would buy it. I pretended everything was fine and he would have noticed something was deeply wrong if he wasn’t busy cheating.
I think it also helped we got along very well as roommates and friends. We were still having relations. He was a generous lover ..too generous even and it helped bear with it all.
I lied saying my implant fell out so we began using condoms. And I got myself tested regularly. Thankfully I was clean the whole time. I eventually started seeing him as someone I lived with and and we just happened to have relations.
It took months, but one day something inside me shifted. Like the love I had for him started fading. I went through every stage of grief. Now I feel free and lighter. I know I can live without him, and that realisation is the most liberating feeling.
This is the craziest part! everything I once found beautiful about him started to look distorted. I started to see his flaws. It was like I was under a spell, adoring and loving this man and now when I look at him I’m like how??... lol
This week, I’m moving into my own place. And I’m finally breaking up with him. I’m mentally checked out and I’m at peace with myself. I am okay. I feel a sense of dread but also relief that I will finally break up with him.
It took 7 Months to finally get over him. I don’t know if I’ll tell him that I know he cheated on me or just say I don’t want you anymore or just ghost him. All I know is I’m breaking up with him.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
You should absolutely tell him you know he cheated. He shouldn’t be absolved. Ghost him and leave the screenshots, but at least let him know that you know he’s a pos.
ithrowhimaway (OP)
I have a private folder on my phone with everything I saved. I was just using it to keep my feelings in check. This is a good idea.
At first I thought you went about it wrong but you took your time to build your strength and heal. I guess we each have our own journey. That being said please ghost him and give him no closure. That will mentally mess him up for his betrayal for years to come.
Three days later, the OP returned with an update.
I finally moved out early in the morning, right after he left for work. It was his place, and I didn’t have much to begin with, so the move was easy. I’d been slowly filling up my new place over the past month, getting everything ready so I could leave without a hassle.
A lot of you suggested I ghost him but I couldn’t. That’s just not me. I don’t like disappearing on people, even when they deserve it. So instead, I came back that evening and waited for him to get home from work around 7pm. I was nervous, but also kind of relieved for it all to finally be over.
When he walked in, I was sitting at the dining table wearing my coat. He immediately sensed something was off. He asked me where I was going, and I told him, “Home.” He laughed and said, “But you are home,” clearly trying to play it off but he could tell something was up.
Then I sent everything I’d been collecting screenshots, videos, all of it to his WhatsApp. He looked confused and asked why I was texting him. And then he opened the messages.
I watched the color drain from his face. I didn’t think I’d enjoy it, but I did. He went pale, breathing heavily, and just placed his phone on the table, staring at me like I was a ghost. I didn’t say anything just watching him.
Then came the begging. He grabbed my hand, apologized over and over, said he “didn’t mean to cheat,” claimed he ended it three months ago, that “she meant nothing,” and how much he loves me and wants to marry me. I told him we’re never getting married. It’s over. And I didn’t say anything else.
That’s when he broke down crying like a child. I was honestly disgusted. I stood there watching him on his knees, clutching my legs, begging for forgiveness, and I felt… nothing. No sympathy. No sadness. Just done. I was completely checked out. I didn’t want to say much to him. I just felt numb and it felt pointless.
Eventually, he turned into this emotional, sweaty, sobbing mess. When he went to the bathroom, I grabbed my last backpack and left. It’s finally over. I’m grateful I don’t love him anymore.
It was an unconventional way to get over someone but it worked for me. Thank you for all of the kind messages. He texted me from a new number and sending me pathetic messages. I posted on my profile.
Here are screenshots of the text messages provided by the OP:
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
That's really brave of you to actually do something about it and leave. But nobody deserves to be cheated on. That is the worst feeling. That kind of betrayal hearts deep. So I hope that you move on. And find somebody that will be loyal to you. Good luck on your endeavors.
She meant nothing but you were sleeping with her for months. yeah sure okay.
Cheating in any circumstances suck but as far as breaking up is concerned this is...thankfully milder than most? I was ready for the ex's messages to her after the breakup ironically calling her a sl00t or a 3h0r3 when he's the one who is running a 'get free samples' promotion.