'AITA for getting my dad a big birthday gift I knew he'd love and not including my stepbrother?'
"AITA for getting my dad a big birthday gift I knew he'd love and not including my stepbrother?"
My parents are divorced and share custody of me (16M) which means I spend a week with my dad and a week with my mom and rotate it around. They get along pretty well so there are times I might spend more time with one over the other and they make it up without drama. So it's not a bad position to be in and I know how lucky I am.
When I was 10 my dad got married again. I get along fine with my stepmom but my stepbrother (15M) I don't like him. I know he's a little younger than me and maybe I'm a jerk for our bad relationship but I don't like him.
The moving in together transition was ROUGH. My stepbrother wanted us to share my room instead of having his own. I didn't want to but he brought his stuff to my room anyway and tried to move in. My dad stepped in and told him there was a whole room waiting just for him and tried to make it positive but my stepbrother resisted.
My stepmom wanted us to trial run sharing but dad knew I wasn't on board so he said it shouldn't be forced. She gave in and made her son move into his own room. But my stepbrother acted out for ages after that.
Whenever I left for mom's I had to lock my door, same if I went to school or a friends house. Any time he was home when I wasn't he would try to mark his territory in my room and even moved some of his stupid stuff in.
Then another time he trashed my room. Dad made him clean up after himself and my stepmom didn't complain or anything but idk, I got the vibe she felt like I was unfair to him.
Then my stepbrother got jealous any time I got 1:1 with dad even though he got it too. He wanted to tag along for some of it. Dad told him we had family time for that stuff but it was only fair for us both to get 1:1 time with me.
My stepbrother looked for me to say I wanted him to come but I didn't. He whined about that for ages after and gave me such a hard time. He said we were brothers now and I didn't act like his. That's maybe what he wanted but I didn't.
He was super clingy too. Wanted to visit my mom's house when I was there. Wanted to tag along with my friends and bring his along. If we played video games for an hour he'd expect me to spend more and more time with him or include him in other plans when we finished.
My dad never forced me to include him in that stuff. He did make me promise that I wouldn't lose my temper if he annoyed me and to tell him or my stepmom if he was bugging me and I kept that.
He also asked me to give family time some enthusiasm so maybe things could develop and I did my best. But my dislike for him never changed. I find him too much and annoying when he doesn't get his way.
He doesn't like being told no and I find it frustrating. He's easily the worst part of being at dad's. It doesn't help that I have both parents and do stuff he'll never be able to and I won't invite him.
I see him as someone I tolerate because I love my dad. But that's it. Which is why I didn't include him in my birthday gift plan. My dad's a big hockey fan. He doesn't really ever attend any games because he prefers to spend his money on other stuff.
So for his 40th birthday I got him tickets and a jersey signed by his favorite player. It was expensive and it was big. Easily the biggest gift he got. My stepmom and stepbrother were upset I let it be a gift just from me.
She said it would have been better if it had been from both his boys and that way he could have taken me to one game and my stepbrother to another without feeling bad. She said I knew he'd love it and should have considered the benefit to it being a joint gift. My stepbrother said he hates me and I ruin everything. My dad doesn't know.
He was so excited. But I think he might find out about their issue with it soon because my stepbrother especially has changed toward me and he ignores me now which I prefer.
But I know it might bother my dad. I don't think he'll care that I didn't include my stepbrother but I know things could get messy because of my choice.
AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. It wouldn't matter if you bought him this, a trip to Italy, or a new car. It wouldn't matter if this was your step brother, bio brother, or a friend. YOU decided your budget for a gift for your dad. You don't have to include anyone in buying it. You don't have to include anyone when giving it. They're just pissed that your gift was bigger than theirs.
Also I want to point out how nice it is to read a parent not forcing their bio kid to be bffs with their step kids and for still giving his bio kid attention.
NTA, he is your dad and you have every right to give him a gift. Your stepmother though is very likely giving her son some very unrealistic expectations. It would appear your stepbrother was expecting a ready made father and brother to fall into his lap the moment his mother married your dad.
What I find a bit creepy is that he wants to be included in every part of your life, including visiting your mom’s. He needs therapy.
GrapeSwim9210 (OP)
That's exactly what he expected and he got one of those things since my dad loves him. But the other part he didn't get and he tried to make me be his brother which made things even worse.
NTA time to sit down your dad and be honest about how you feel. Your dad is the adult here and it’s his responsibility to deal with his wife and step son. His wife should have never had that conversation with you. It was inappropriate.
You are a kid who doesn’t need to take on the responsibility for the emotions of your step brother. It’s too much to ask you to be worried about his feelings while your step brother nor your step mom seem to care about your comfortability. I hope your dad can see the toxicity and set real boundaries here.