'AITA for getting mad at my dad after he said "I love you" to his new child?' UPDATED

"AITA for getting mad at my dad after he said 'I love you' to his new child?"

Ok, for some context my twin brother and I (21M) grew up raised by our dad (39M) as a single parent, mom (39F) was never in the picture up until last year. My dad was the best, those were the best years of our lives, dad was always present, kissing, hugging us, playing with us, sleeping in the same bed until a certain age (because we liked it)

There is just one thing, we’ve never heard an “I love you” from our dad, like ever, my dad used to say something like “you are loved” but not the typical “I love you” and I don’t know about my brother but I grew up feeling like that was a missing piece, because other kids’ parents used to say “I love you” all the time.

All of our lives it was only the three of us (until we went to college) we never met any partner and our father stayed single, a month after my brother and I went to college, my father moved a guy in, his name is Eric, three months after moving him in, they got married (which makes me suspect, they were dating before) which didn’t bother us, it was fine we even encouraged our dad to date but he refused.

So everything is fine, Eric is a nice guy, we get along well, he doesn’t want to force a fatherly role which is great. Eric and my dad used a surrogate two years ago, they now have a boy together. My dad hasn’t changed a lot, he is busier but he still makes time for us, more for me since my brother is further and comes less.

I went to his house last Saturday as usual, when I arrived, he was lying on the couch and his son was lying on my dad’s chest, my dad was kissing and playing games with him and then he said “I love you Lucas” I was pissed because I never heard that coming out of my dad’s mouth for us but his new son?

So, I confronted him and he said it wasn’t a big deal because “actions speak louder than words” but I feel like we weren’t good enough to be said “I love you” but his new son is. Eric heard and told me it was childish and AH thing to say. What do you guys think? I just feel like my dad is picking favorites and showing who matters more.

I’ve been reading most of your comments and I’m on my way to his house so I’ll do what someone suggested: ask him directly “do you love me?” it’s as simple as yes/no.

Someone was asking: My mom wasn’t on the picture because her parents forced her to give us up, they are wealthy so were somehow ashamed that their daughter had babies at a very young age and as my father refused to get married they just forced her to give us up.

What do you think? AITA? Here are some of the top comments:

u/hibiscus2022 said:

INFO: Is your dad still refusing to say those words after you confronted him?

Also INFO: How was the family for your Dad all the years he was a single dad, was he putting his lovelife on hold fearing some homophobic backlash? You have written your birthMom was not in the picture until last year..is she around now?

Was she a surrogate too? Maybe your dad said ‘I love you’ when you were babies. This new kid is a baby and people do voluminously adore babies, its different with grownups at times. But talk to him, you have written he was physically affectionate so this deserves a conversation.

OP responded:

"You have written your birthmom was not in the picture until last year..is she around now? Was she a surrogate too?" She tries to be active in our lives now, no, she wasn’t a surrogate, her parents forced her to give us up, she is married now and have three kids with her husband but they try to include us in activities such as us spending last christmas with them.

Don’t misunderstand me, he was loving but as far as I can remember, he never said “I love you” just “you are loved”

OP later shared this update:

Ok, guys, I just arrived at my dad’s house two hours ago, and the conversation just happened! I arrived but my dad wasn’t home because he was at the supermarket then he arrived like 15 min later, I was in my room and he came to say: "Hi Love”.

Lucas was in his room and was eager to see dad back so he started jumping and crying to make my dad carry him, my dad took Lucas to the living room to watch a movie, they were watching it, and I joined them so my dad kissed Lucas and said “I love you my little one”, that was uncomfortable but then he looked at me with a smile on his face and said: “I Love you too, dummy”.

I must admit that it was weird but felt good, my dad went to the kitchen because Lucas wanted some snacks and I followed him, in the kitchen I asked him what that was, so he replied that as I seemed to be mad at him the last time I was here he just wanted to please me.

Then he explained to me why he used “You are loved” because he wanted something “special for us” and not the typical “I love you” and also because He knows my mom didn’t willingly give us up.

Thus by “You are loved” he wanted to make us understand that we were loved by both our parents so we don’t internalise the idea of one parent not loving us because “I love you” implies that we only got love from him as a single dad.

So, I told him that from now on, I prefer to be told “I love you” since our mom is in our lives now and she says she loves us, he wasn’t happy about it because “You are loved” is a special connection between us but he was willing to adjust now. He begged me not to doubt his love again.

So, that’s it I talked to my dad and it feels great, My brother came a couple of minutes ago, and we will have dinner soon.