'AITA for blowing up at my fiancé for letting his sister regift the Mother's Day flowers I got her?'

"AITA for getting upset at my fiancé for giving away the flowers I bought to his sister for her in laws?"

I (32F) got really upset with my fiancé (31M) and his sister (26F) this past Mother’s Day, and I’m wondering if I overreacted. To set the stage: I woke up early and picked up some decorations and flowers for our small Mother’s Day lunch. I arranged the flowers into three bouquets—for my mom, my sister-in-law, and my future MIL.

We originally planned lunch for 2 PM, but my SIL asked to move it to 4 PM last minute so she could attend a church event. This kind of schedule change is common with my fiancé’s family, so I’ve learned to just roll with it. Because we had extra time, my fiancé and I went to grab groceries.

While we were getting ready to leave, I overheard my SIL on the phone with my fiancé asking about the flowers. (She lives with us, along with my mom and sister—she pays rent, so it’s more of a roommate situation.) I told my fiancé that she couldn’t take the flowers—they were already spoken for. He told her no, but then explained that she wanted flowers to give her own mother-in-law.

I reiterated that if she wanted flowers, she should go buy them herself. We live in a super walkable neighborhood with grocery stores, flower shops, and vendors nearby, so it’s not a big ask. At the store, she called again, and I again told my fiancé to say no.

He also suggested to her that we bring her a bouquet from the grocery store we were at but I can only assume she said no and insisted in taking the ones that were at the house. Eventually my fiancé agreed and ended up telling her she could take the bouquet I had prepared for her.

At the supermarket I tried to play it cool but ultimately my feelings got the best of me and I walked away and went to sit in my car while my fiancé finished paying. I told my fiancé it was disrespectful, especially since we hadn’t even gathered as a family yet. If I had already given them to her, and she chose to re-gift them, fine. But she never gave me the chance.

I told him I wasn’t in the right headspace to spend the rest of the day with his family, and I went out with my mom instead. I also asked him to have his sister reimburse me for the $40 I spent on the flowers, and I gave the remaining bouquets to my mom. I’m still fuming, not just over the flowers, but the ongoing dynamic: my SIL often leans on my fiancé to solve her problems, and it constantly ends up affecting me.

I’ve been trying to let this one go because it is her first Mother’s Day, but I honestly feel disrespected and tired of the pattern. So… AITA for reacting the way I did?

What do you think? AITA for how she reacted to this situation? This is what commenters had to say:

Extension-Ad8549 said:

Then she should given hers to her mother then. You thinking real hard if you want to marry him. He seem to let his sister walk all over him. Nta.

kissykissyfishy said:

This isn’t about flowers. This is about the lack of respect your fiancé has for you. No means no. Not later, not I still have a chance, it means No. The fact that she asked more than once leads me to believe that she is a boundary stomper and this type of behavior will continue. Proceed with caution and counseling.

SuggestionSevere3298 said:

NTA sister is used to getting away with things, Think really hard if you want this for the rest of your life, That’s amazing that you spend the day with your mom.

Puzzleheaded-Tone591 said:

Your SIL is an AH. Your fiancé needs to learn how to back you and say no to his sister or things won’t work. Good for you spending it with your mom.

Wonderful-Shake1714 said:

The only person I would give flowers to on Mother's Day is my own mother (and would have organised them for my MIL from my husband if necessary). I would not give my sister or SIL flowers, but maybe I am mean?

OP responded:

Will be like this going forward.

JustAsICanBeSoCruel said:

NTA, but why do you care what she does with flowers you gifted her? Does it matter if she keeps them or let's someone else have them? Just don't buy her flowers again.

She knew they were for her, no? It's a little odd that she would know they were for her, but you were refusing to let her have them until...what? You could present them to her when other people were watching?

And OP responded:

That’s the point I hadn’t even given them to her. They were meant to be given at the end of our Mother’s Day dinner to the “moms”. I wouldn’t have cared if she gave them away after she had received them. However she was going to see her MIL before she had dinner with us.

Which again was changed last minute because of her. Earlier in the week I had asked her is she had plans to be with us at the house for Mother’s Day or with her in laws she said she would be at the house. Since she lives with us I cannot really hide or keep things a surprise.

It was my fiancé that told her 1 vase was for her and the other 2 were from our moms. Again I was just trying to make her first Mother’s Day special. & yes ultimately I have told myself I’m not going above and beyond for her anymore.

We'll keep you posted on any future updates!