'AITA for refusing to eat the food my GF made me because it wasn't hot?' UPDATED
"AITA for wanting my GF to make me hot food?"
Here's the original post:
Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad I admit I made a face. She was like "what, what's the problem?"
I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside.
She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot. At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I'd be back in a few minutes.
When I came out of the kitchen with my soup she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today). I said I won't care, and she said that was BS, because it's rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you. Was I the a$$hole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
Narkareth said:
YTA. If you wanted something warm for dinner, you should have articulated that in advance. You can't hold people accountable for expectations you've failed to set.
Lordidude said:
You know tuesday is her food choice and did not say anything before she cooked for the both of you. Eat the salad and get some tea afterwards. YTA.
UsuallyWrite2 said:
YTA. She’s not a short order cook. You could’ve just made the soup and had the salad. You were rude about it.
SecretWeapon013 said:
Hubs and I discuss dinner before it's made. Sometimes we aren't feeling what the other person is feeling and we just go off and make our own things. Freedom!
And AilingHen69 said:
There's so many Y T A but I mean, no. You didn't ask her to cook you something else, you made it yourself. NTA. It sounds like you guys cook together often enough that wanting something different than the other for a meal shouldn't be a big deal. If my husband doesn't want what I make him, he makes something else. That's normal.
But not everyone agreed YTA. practical-junkie said:
Going against the grain here and will probably get downvoted but NTA for wanting hot food. Have i made a face involuntarily before at something unappetizing, yes and probably everyone has at some point in time without realizing.
Plus i feel one should eat food they want to most times, unless and until it is sentimental and stuff, like my grandma cooking her papaya chicken which i find really weird but still eat every single time with a smile.
For my husband and I, if he doesnt want to eat something i made, i dont feel bad about it, he is a grown man with his wants and he can make whatever he wanted to make and eat. And he gives me the same freedom.
you would have been an ah if you asked your gf to make something else or heat the soup, but you did it yourself, i dont see anything wrong with that.
Later that week, he shared this update on the situation:
Wednesday after I served the plates, my girlfriend said she didn't want pasta and was going to make a salad. I was pretty sure she was going to do this, and it didn't bother me. I waited for her to come back to start eating, and when she sat down I tried to talk to her about her day. She asked if I was trying to make a point. I asked what she meant.
She asked if I cared that she wasn't going to eat what I made. I said that I didn't and would have it for lunch. She got frustrated, focused on her salad and wouldn't engage with me. After dinner, I said we shouldn't make dinner for each other anymore.
She asked why I thought that, and I said it's clear that she gets upset when she makes food for someone and they don't eat it. It would be better for us just to make separate meals so we each know we will get what we want and no one's feelings would be hurt. She said it wasn't okay for me to make a unilateral decision about our relationship.
I said that I wasn't, but I didn't want to cook for her anymore or have her cook for me if it was going to make her upset. We kind of went round and round on it, until the conversation petered out. She texted me at work Thursday that she was going to make salmon.
I decided that if she tried to cook for me I would just let her so she'd feel like she won one over on me and we'd draw a line under this. She ended up making salmon only for herself, which I was surprised by, because I was expecting her to try to convince me to have some. I made myself a quick omelette and sat down with her.
She asked if I was upset she didn't cook for me, and I said no. Again, she accused me of making a point. She asked if I was going to cook for her Friday, and I said no. She was put out. Friday she was upset that I made only enough curry for one person and called me greedy. At this point I'm over it all, so I just ignored her.
Commenters weighed in:
UNLV702_ said:
This is stupid man. Just put your ego aside and hash it out. It’s not worth deteriorating a relationship over.
KagomeChan said:
You can stick to your guns. You'll lose the relationship, but if it's really worth it to you, keep doing what you're doing. But you do realize this isn't about the food at all, right?
You hurt her feelings and showed zero remorse. She's trying to repeat your actions to you so that you can empathize with where she's coming from. Instead you're choosing to go out of your way to keep making separate meals so you can pretend those feelings weren't valid. And you were rude. You should have apologized. Couples share meals.
Maybe not every meal, but most, when they are in the same location. So you can keep stubbornly making separate meals (which is obviously not what she wants), but you won't stay a couple. Mostly because it emphasizes on a daily basis how little you care about her feelings. But hey, you do you.