'AITA for gifting my wife a drill set for her birthday?' + MAJOR UPDATE
"AITA for gifting my wife a drill set for our anniversary?"
It’s best if I start with a bit of background information. I [M 32] and my wife [F 33] have been married for over 7 years now. My wife is currently pregnant, but surprise, we’ll be having twins. Of course this is great news, but my wife and I agreed we needed to increase our income. After some discussion, we decided I would pick up a second job to help out with the costs.
We plan on my wife being a stay at home mom so she quit work early. But because the twins aren’t here yet, she has had a lot of free time and I noticed that she had started taking up seemingly more masculine hobbies that I haven’t had time to do because of my work. Nothing too major, but she will put together furniture, hang up pictures, etc. I don’t mind this, if anything I just wish I was around to help more.
I saw her newfound interest in DIY projects and thought a drill set would be a cool way to support her hobbies, so I bought her a pink drill set as an anniversary gift. After dinner, I gave it to her. Immediately when she unwrapped it she exploded on me. We have been in a bunch of arguments before and not once had I seen her this upset.
She yelled at me that I was making her feel masculine and making fun of her. I immediately felt terrible and began to explain myself but she insisted that she didn’t want to talk to me and left. She went back to our house and told me she didn’t feel comfortable being in the same house.
I have never been so confused in my life. I’m confused if what I did was really that bad and I’m just an idiot. I keep trying to call and she doesn’t pick up. Please, any advice on what I should do? AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
Pissedliberalgranny said:
If you had given it to her as a “Just because it’s Wednesday” gift instead of as an anniversary gift, she may have liked it more. Wedding anniversaries are usually a time for romantic gifts rather than practical ones.
This sort of reminds me of the time my (now ex) husband bought me a new vacuum for our anniversary. Yes, we needed one. No, our anniversary was not an appropriate time to buy it. Soft YTA.
Molicious26 said:
I'm going to echo the sentiment that assembling furniture and hanging pictures isn't a hobby or new interest. It's just chores. Also, it's not masculine to do either of those things. I do them all the time. That doesn't mean that at any point in time, I would want a drill set as an anniversary gift.
Especially a pink one. She's pregnant, and your anniversary gift to her was something to do chores with. She's probably feeling like you don't really know her if your gift was something tied to chores that you were mistaking as some new hobby.
Molicious26 said:
I'm going to echo the sentiment that assembling furniture and hanging pictures isn't a hobby or new interest. It's just chores. Also, it's not masculine to do either of those things. I do them all the time. That doesn't mean that at any point in time, I would want a drill set as an anniversary gift. Especially a pink one.
She's pregnant, and your anniversary gift to her was something to do chores with. She's probably feeling like you don't really know her if your gift was something tied to chores that you were mistaking as some new hobby.
merlinshairyballs said:
This was akin to buying her a vacuum….
Nona29 said:
Awwww.... I know what you were thinking. My SO gave me a power drill and toolbox too for my birthday because I had been doing so much in my home on my own and he was so impressed and inspired that it motivated him to do similar in his own home. And he noticed how I was always in need of a power drill and toolbox for my DIY projects.
I was a little disappointed because it was like getting a vacuum in a way. But I recognized where his mind and heart was at and didn't make too big of a deal about it. We always have to remember and think about the person's intent behind the gift giving.
I think you should have given her a really nice romantic gift and then maybe added the power drill as a side gift. Your wife definitely overreacted, but I do understand her disappointment.
And PicoPicoMio said:
YTA: Do not gift tools or appliances on anniversaries ffs, those are house utilities. Maybe a massage spa voucher for your tired pregnant wife would’ve made her feel more appreciated
He later shared this truly wild update:
I’m shaking as I write this and it doesn’t even feel real. I got a text from her saying that basically I’m not good enough and that I haven’t been for a long time. She has been cheating with. Our. Neighbor. I actually cannot believe this is my life, what the hell.
She wasn’t even the one putting together furniture all those hours I was at work it was him and the @$$hole was hanging up our FAMILY PHOTOS. I asked if she loved him and she said no. I don’t know what to do. My family is telling me to take screenshots but I don’t think I can do divorce. This is so much at once and I need to do what’s best for the twins. I can’t believe how blind I’ve been. I feel so heartbroken.
Welp. Guess the drill set wasn't the problem after all.