'AITA for refusing to give my sister my future wedding fund even though her family is struggling?'
"AITA for refusing to give my sister my future wedding fund even though her family is struggling?"
So okay this is kinda a long one but I'll try to make it short. I (27F) have been saving money for years for my dream wedding. It's not crazy or anything, but it's special to me bc I always wanted to have like this beautiful day with my partner (I'm engaged btw, my fiancé, 30M, is amazing and supportive). Anyway, I’ve been putting like every extra penny I can aside since I was 22.
Now my sister (35F) is a single mom with 3 kids, and she’s had it rough lately. Her ex (honestly don’t even get me started on him) left her, and she’s struggling with rent and groceries and stuff. It's heartbreaking, I love my nieces and nephew to death. But last week, my mom (58F) called me and basically said I should “step up as family” and give my sister the wedding money to help them out.
I was shocked, like completely floored. I told her no, that I’ve worked so hard to save that money, and it’s not fair for them to ask me to give up something I’ve been planning for YEARS. My mom called me selfish and said my sister is “drowning” while I’m worrying about flowers and dresses. She even told my fiancé I’m being “greedy,” but he told her to back off.
Then my sister texted me this super long message about how she’d pay me back “someday” and how her kids didn’t ask to be in this situation. And honestly, I cried. I feel so bad for them, but also, it’s not my fault her life turned out this way? I work a full-time job, I budget, I saved. I can’t just start giving it away bc someone else didn’t.
Now the whole family is basically split down the middle. Half are saying I’m cold-hearted and don’t care about my own blood. The other half says it’s not my responsibility and that my mom and sister are just guilting me. Even my brother (31M) told me he thinks they’re being unfair, but then my cousin said she agrees I should help “since I have the money.”
It’s tearing me up bc I love my family, but I don’t think it’s fair for me to give up something I’ve worked for. My sister hasn’t exactly been the most supportive person in my life before, and I feel like they just see me as an ATM now. So... AITA for saying no?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Why can't the whole family chip in?
Its easier to spend someone else's money
Yeah you are right about it
OP - they’re using you as a cash cow or ATM. The fact that she said “she’ll try to pay you back someday” is the thing that should make you run 180 degrees in the opposite direction from your sister and mom. And if you start this nonsense now it will NEVER STOP!
Don’t give them any money, they’re guilting you simply to get your hard earned cash. They think you’re easy pickings. Let your mom and all the other family who want you give up your money pitch in and help your sister manage her situation resulting from ALL her bad choices! If you give in you’re the AH….to yourself and your fiancé!
You’re definitely not the a&*^%le. You’ve been saving for your wedding for years, and it’s your money. It sucks that your sister is struggling, but it’s not fair for your family to guilt you into giving it up, especially since she hasn’t been the most supportive.
You’re just setting boundaries, and you’re not being selfish for wanting to keep what you’ve worked hard for. It’s a tough situation, but you don’t have to give up your plans for someone else’s problems.
I feel I was not being good.
Definitely NTA. Here’s the thing: it’s your money, and you’ve worked hard to save it for something important to you. No one has the right to make you feel guilty about that.
It sucks that your sister is struggling, and it’s clear you care about her and her kids. But her financial situation isn’t your responsibility. You’re allowed to set boundaries, even with family, especially when it comes to something as personal as your wedding savings.
Your mom and sister are putting a ton of pressure on you, but that doesn’t make their demands fair. It’s okay to say no. Helping someone out doesn’t have to mean giving up everything you’ve worked for. There are other ways to support your sister (even emotionally or in smaller ways) without completely derailing your plans.
Your fiancé seems to have your back, and honestly, that’s what matters most. Stand firm—you’re not selfish for prioritizing your future.
I don't know why it was hard to understand and how hard to let go of the money that you save for years.
Tell the family you'll match their average contribution for the kid's food. That will shut them up.
I will try that, thanks!
Keep us updated pls!