'AITA for not giving my twins names that are a family tradition?'
"AITA for not giving my twins names that are a family tradition?"
Tasty_Sun2493
My family traditionally passes down family names as first names. I was named after two grandmothers (both had the same first name). My brother is named after an uncle and my sister is named after a cousin who died in infancy.
My mom is named after her great grandmother. Her siblings were named after different aunts/uncles/grandparents. My grandma was named after a sibling of hers who died in infancy and her living siblings were named after other family members.
I have cousins named after family members, my mom has cousins named the same way. The relatives do not need to be dead to be considered. But if we have a recently deceased family member it's considered the correct thing to use those names.
I always went by my middle name. I like it far better (it was a name my dad wanted me to have) and nobody else in the family has it which is a bonus for me. And because of this I always wanted to break the tradition, something my husband is eternally grateful for, because his style of names, like mine, are not like my family's style of names.
We had boy/girl twins two weeks ago and we chose to name them names we loved vs family names. Our daughter is Piper and our son is Robin. We chose not to give them family names as middle names and went with names we felt worked for them but that we also loved as well.
My family were upset and especially because the last of my great uncles died recently and it was expected my son would be Gerald after him. My daughter was expected to be Jennifer or Patricia after my aunts who have the least number of kids named after them.
I had told my family ahead of time we were not going to follow the tradition but clearly they didn't believe me because we got a lot of negative comments from my side about disrespecting my family and breaking their hearts with the snub toward my great uncle.
I told them the twins are our children and others could choose to continue the tradition. My dad was the only person not upset. He told me he was glad I did what I wanted.
He also knows I prefer to use my middle name instead of my first name. He was forced into continuing the tradition from mom's family with all of us so his support means a lot (he could back up my mom for the sake of it).
Some of my family have made some pretty hurtful comments and I have taken some space. But it also makes me feel guilty that they're so angry and hurt at my decision. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Comfortable-Sea-2454
NTA - thank God your husband and Dad have your back. For any family to try and force "family" names on your kids is a form of abuse, IMHO!!! And Congrats OP - enjoy your kids with your husband. Your family will either get over the "naming slam", or they will not. If not, then that is their loss.
Tasty_Sun2493 OP responded:
I know. I'm so glad it's not every single person. My dad gets what it's like from our side more so it's easier for him to be supportive, I guess. But I also think he just doesn't care what other people name their kids.
Podria_Ser_Peor
NTA. Although a wasted opportunity to slightly misspell both family names and make it Geralt and Yennefer, just to be a total AH to everyone involved.
Tasty_Sun2493 OP responded:
My husband actually joked about them being the middle names lol.
No-Platypus6693
Ok so I can relate a lot! You are NTA. Names are important and they are your kids! How would your family react if you had named them after members of your husbands family? If they would have the same reaction I would call them hypocrites.
On a funnier side I will say if your kids hear one of these people complaining about not having someone named after them, they may get it in their head they can help and name a pet after that person (Like I did) and trust me that will be hysterical to some and really upset others.
Tasty_Sun2493 OP responded:
My mom tried arguing that it's not every day a maternal family tradition like this gets passed on and that should have mattered more to me. But it takes my husband out of the choice (like my dad was take out of the choices for us). It also takes away my ability to really choose the name too.
Discount_Mithral
OP - NTA. IMO this will NEVER be a Y T A situation. Tell your family if they want to have a say in what children are named, they can have more kids of their own. In the meantime, I hope you and your husband love the names you have chosen for your children. Congrats!
toxicredox
NTA. Similar tradition in my family both sides of the family. Despite an enormous family tree on my dad's side, there are quite literally only 3 girls names to choose from (even women who married into the family seemed to only have those 3 names), and with so many generations/branches of the family interacting, it gets confusing real fast, even with nicknames.
I wish somebody on his side had the bravery to break the tradition and introduce a new girls name before my sister and I were born. My parents decided to continue this tradition but for middle names only because my mom was dead set against given any of those three names as a first name.
In other circumstances, I might give this N A H. But the fact that your family members have tried to act like you did this to snub a recently deceased family member puts them in AH territory. They have every right to not like the break in tradition, but acting like you did it as some kind of insult is ridiculous.