"AITA for giving my gluten-free mother gluten without telling her?"

So my mother and I don't have a great relationship. Throughout my life she has pushed all kinds of fad diets, self-help flavored fads, and even conversion therapy via the troubled teen industry on me. Shes never apologized for any of it despite me telling her how much it all messed me up.

I still haven't mustered the guts up to go no contact because she's still married to my dad, who I do get along with and generally like. Well, I recently moved to a new place in a really nice area because I just got a really nice new job. Suddenly my mom really wants to come and visit and see me. I do my best to make up excuses, but she pushes so hard that eventually I cave.

One of the things I've been doing since moving into my new place is a lot of cooking because i have a nice big kitchen all to myself. I love "weird" food, and finding new ways to get protein in my diet without using meat. Something I've had a lot of fun making lately is latiao. It's probably not weird to some people, but to my sheltered American self it was funky as hell and I loved the idea of it.

So I started making it from scratch and discovered that I love it. Well, my mom and dad got here yesterday afternoon/evening and settle in and we start talking about dinner. As usual, mom has to pick after looking at online menus for a couple hours to make sure they fit with her dietary requirements.

She ends up picking a vegan restaurant that's across town, but she's just so tired from the drive up she can't fathom getting back in the car. So dad and I agree to go pick it up while she rests.

Driving accross my new city is a long process (which I told her ahead of time), and it's a little over an hour later when we get home with the vegan/gluten free food she wanted (she's not vegan, but she is adamantly gluten free and has been for a few years now).

We get inside and as I am opening the food in the kitchen I notice the Pyrex snap ware container of Latiao that was in my fridge is now empty in my sink. She even dumped out the sauce that I'd been soaking them in.

I asked her if she'd eaten something out of my fridge while we were gone and she said that yes she had eaten some chicken because she was getting light headed from hunger, but it was terrible and she was so ready for some 'real food'. Now this is where I might have been the asshole; instead of telling her what she had actually eaten, I just rolled my eyes and dished up the food for everyone and we ate.

She continued to remark about how bad and oily the "chicken" was, and how relieved she was to finally eat something substantial throughout the rest of the evening. My dad kept trying to change the subject, and she kept coming back to it.

I finally snapped when she brought it up again first thing this morning when I was picking them up from their hotel. I asked them where they wanted to go for breakfast, and my mom made a joke about not wanting me to cook them breakfast because she didn't want more oily chicken or something to that effect.

I finally said "mom, that was homemade latiao, and I don't understand why you ate ALL of it if you hated it so much." She asked me what latiao is and I explained that it's just vital wheat gluten and water steamed and soaked in sauce.

I practically watched as her face dropped, and sure enough within 30 minutes her stomach was "killing her" and she was having difficulty breathing and needed to go to the emergency room. The whole time we were there she went on and on to the nurses and doctors about how I'd fed her gluten and not told her until it was too late for her to take her medicine and crying because now the whole trip was ruined.

Mind you, this is the hospital WHERE I WORK. My dad pulled me aside to tell me he was disappointed that I hadn't spoken up last night, and how what I'd done not only hurt my mother's feelings, but also put her health and safety at risk.

He asked me to go home and think about my actions and give my mother some space, and now I'm just sitting here alone in my cool new place feeling like a dick and super anxious about what work is going to be like next week.

I'm torn because I don't think it's my fault that she ate my food without talking to me first, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't omit the information about what she'd eaten because I was pissed at her and just didn't want to discuss it further. I also didn't expect it to make her so sick. So, AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

lapsteelguitar said:

Your mom took food out of your fridge and ate it, without checking first to see what it was. This is not on you. As for not telling your mom last night, and her "physical reaction" this morning: This is a mental issue, not a physical issue. She didn't get "sick" until she found what she ate. She's fine. I bet she never eats anything from your fridge again. NTA

PolishPrincess0520 said:

Who eats something out of someone’s fridge that they don’t know what they are eating when they have “food allergies”?

Neenknits said:

I bet it didn’t make her sick. Getting sick right after she learned what it was is suspicious AF.

amyloulie said:

NTA. You didn’t give it to her, she took it without even knowing what it was. Whether you told her at the time or when you did, the outcome would’ve still been the same and you’d have still been made out to be the bad guy in the situation. It was a lose lose situation.

SaltRight8446 said:

My nephew has celiac disease and as a 4-5 yo kid, the parents would specifically ask regarding food being prepared safely for him.... My BIL let them know that they would KNOW before the end of the meal if the restaurant provided a safe gluten-free meal!! Lady complaining of medical concerns AFTER finding out the NEXT day, come on.... 🙄

Later that day, OP shared this update:

Just got home. So after everything went down this morning, I went back to the hospital to check on my parents. My mom was sleeping and still in the ED, and so I got to talk to my dad and the doctor a bit. My dad still thought I should apologize. I told him I would when she woke up.

When I talked to the doctor a bit, I started asking about testing. I asked if they'd done a test for the specific kind of immunoglobulin present in Coeliac's when someone has gluten, and she said she actually hadn't needed to because apparently my mom had that test done in the past with her PCP.

The doctor asked me if I worked in the medical field, and I told her that, yes, I worked in the lab. She then volunteered a bit more information than she probably should have, but I'm glad she did because I feel a bit better. She had managed to get my mom's lab results faxed over and looked them over.

Apparently, my mom's TTg-IgA was low enough that it was absolutely clear that my mother does not have coeliac disease. The doctor had offered to refer her for a biopsy, which is standard procedure for confirmation of Coeliac, and my mother declined.

I later confirmed with my dad that it was because she didn't think it was worth it to go through all the expense and pain of surgery to confirm something she already knows. Furthermore, according to the nurse, my mother was given Lorazepam, which he told me was for her "stomach pain and nausea" (he actually put this in air quotes with his fingers).

In case you are not familiar with Lorazepam, it is a benzo that is also used as an anti-psychotic/anti-anxiety sedative along with gastro symptoms. Apparently the medicine my mom was talking about was some kind of holistic/herbal thing. Cherry on top is that the nurse is Chinese and loves latiao and I now have a new work friend.

I thanked them for all their help, and they indicated that she was ready to be discharged. My dad was not inclined to wake her up, but I explained that there were other people waiting that needed to be seen, and they couldn't be seen if there were no open beds. I then asked the doctor if she could write my mom a script for more Lorazepam, which she agreed to, which seemed to placate my dad.

I wheeled my mom out to my car, she was high as hell, and going on and on about how she couldn't believe that I'd poisoned her and if I wasn't her daughter I'd be going to prison. I just apologized. Didn't offer any excuses. When I got them to their hotel and my mom was waiting on a couch in the lobby while my dad grabbed her bags from my car, I told my dad it was probably better if they just go home.

I'm not going to lie, I got a little emotional. He agreed. So yeah. Based on the lab work and the way the ED staff were acting, I'm convinced my mom was faking for sympathy and attention. Not that it matters because my dad will always support her no matter what. I'm never having them over again.