'AITA for going on a second date with the girl my friends set me up with as a prank?'
"AITA for going on a second date with the girl my friends set me up with as a prank?"
ResidentThrowRA
I (28M) am a medical resident, so I barely have time to sleep, let alone date. My friends (also in med school) have been pushing me to go out more, insisting that I need a break from the grind. A few weeks ago, they set me up on a blind date. They wouldn’t stop talking about how “perfect” this girl was for me, so I thought, why not?
I met Emily (26F Fake name) at the restaurant, and right away, I could tell she wasn’t what my friends probably expected me to go for. Emily’s not super skinny—in fact, she’s a little chubby—but honestly, I thought she was really cute.
She had this amazing smile, and the way she laughed just made me want to keep the conversation going. She’s studying geology, and she was so passionate about her work, talking about volcanic rock formations like it was the coolest thing ever (and by the end of the night, I agreed, it was a lot more fun to talk about than cadavers).
The best part was how comfortable the date felt. We both found out we’re autistic, both late diagnosed, and we mask a lot—meaning we’re used to putting on a social “act” to fit in.
But with each other, it felt like we didn’t have to pretend so much, and that made the whole evening feel easy. It wasn’t like most dates where you’re constantly trying to impress the other person. We just clicked.
Physically, Emily wasn’t the type my friends thought I’d be into, but I didn’t care at all. She’s sweet, funny, and I had an amazing time with her. By the end of the night, we exchanged numbers, and we’ve been texting pretty regularly since.
A few days later, though, I got a really sad message from Emily. Turns out, my friends told her that they set us up as a prank. That they set me up with her because they thought she wasn’t “my type” and that they picked her specifically because she’s chubby and not what they’d call “conventionally attractive,” thinking it would be funny to see how I’d react.
Emily was obviously hurt and texted me, apologizing if she wasn’t what I expected. She said she understood if I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. She was wrong. I think she's beautiful. Body and spirit. To be honest, she's my new type. I was furious when I found out what my friends had done. I immediately apologized to Emily, telling her my friends were idiots and that I genuinely enjoyed our date.
I reassured her I wasn’t texting her out of pity and that I thought she was awesome. After we talked it out, I asked her if she’d like to go on another date just the two of us, with no pranks or games this time. She said yes.
Now, my friends are pissed at me. They’re saying I ruined the joke and that I’m being “weird” by asking her out again. They’re acting like the whole thing was just harmless fun and can’t believe I’m going on a second date with someone who, to them, was supposed to be the punchline.
They even joked that I’m only doing it because I feel bad, but that’s not it at all. I actually like Emily. I’m looking forward to seeing her again, and I don’t see why I should let their prank dictate how I feel.
So now I’m getting all this backlash, and my friends think I’m the asshole for continuing to see her. I'm so confused. They keep saying it's my autism and that I just don't get it. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
TheSupremeAdmiral
You keep using this word "friend" to describe utterly despicable bullies. Why?
ResidentThrowRA (OP)
I work with them. I'm not really good at making friends. I can come across as stoic and I don't emote much so people don't really like me. I thought they were my friends. But I don't want to be friends with aholes.
Master-Guidance-1276
NTA. Sounds like you need new friends. That’s some gross and disrespectful high school level behavior on their part. Also… disappointing to hear that they’re going to become doctors. They’re not the kind of people who should be entrusted with anyone’s well being.
Informal-Surprise-95
Yes, NTA. Your friends pulled a mean prank, but you genuinely like Emily and had a great time with her. It’s not about feeling bad, it’s about real connection. They’re being childish, and it’s not your autism that’s making you miss the "joke" the joke was just cruel. You’re right to follow your feelings, not their dumb prank.
UsualConcept6870
What is bizarre, that many people who would to to do such a joke would be excited that it becomes a thing anyways. To be mad Emily did not get hurt and OP uncomfortable speaks volumes about the friends’ characters.
Mad-Max999666
Forget your friends. Enjoy your time with this girl, she sounds nice.
Ok-Fondant-553
Like it’s one type of messed up to do this at all, to then tell the person they were a joke? ‘It’s your autism you don’t get it’ and these people are going to be doctors?! She sounds like an absolute sweetheart and I want to throw hands for her.
ImposterSyndrome412
You have friends that act like this at 28? Eww. I’d keep the girl and ditch the friends. NTA.
exact0khan
Your a good guy. Be that person, don't be that person your friends want you to be. You date the shit out of this girl. If you and her are both happy, forget everyone else. You aren't gonna marry your friends. You go be happy and walk with your head high and hold her hand. I hope my daughter meets a guy that's as genuine as you are. Good job buddy.
ResidentThrowRA (OP)
I'm tearing up at this comment. My Dad passed away during Covid and he used to call me buddy growing up. Thanks for reminding me of him in this moment.
asyrian88
THESE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. Please. Let me be your internet Dad today. I am the father of an amazing young man on the spectrum already, and have given this advice to my own son.
If your friends laugh at you, and not with you, you’re a joke to them. They set up a perfectly wonderful young lady with the intent of hurting her. On no level is that cool. When their plan for oblique hurt didn’t pan out, they tried to hurt her directly.
Be your own man. Stand up and defend her and denounce these horrible individuals. You’re not 15, stupid and full of hormones and angst. You’re adults, and this is reprehensible. These. Are. Not. Friends. These. Are. Not. Good. People. They will hurt you, and they will laugh.