Groom insists on having a Best Woman, 'I love her like a little sister.' AITA?
"AITA for insisting on having a best woman?"
I 28m just proposed to my fiance 26f Sarah. I have one child from my wife passed away in 2021. I honestly never thought I'd find love again but I did. The problem is that my fiance doesn't want my best friend Zara 29f to be my best woman.
For context, my best friend and I have been friends since we were seven years old. She and her family moved in next door and we both bonded over not having the best family situations. We've always had quite the sibling bond and even people who don't know us sometimes mistake us for siblings because of the way we interact.
I love Zara like a little sister. She was there for me when my mom passed and when my wife passed in 2021. She used to bring over food for my son and I. She and her then boyfriend and now husband would take him out of the house if I just needed to be alone and my son adores her. She's been there for me at my worst and I wanted her to be a part of a new chapter in my life.
The problem is that my fiance isn't really her biggest fan. When they first meet Sarah said that when she spoke to her she sounded rude and condescending, which is kind of true because Zara has a much deeper voice than most woman and is on the spectrum so she sounds monotonous all the time.
I've explained that to Sarah but she thinks it's just an excuse. (I was with Sarah the first time they met and she didn't say anything rude or condescending). She's also very sarcastic so pair that with the voice and people think she's rude. She's actually very kind.
She offers to take Sarah out for girls night when she and the other girlfriends of the friend group go, she's made an effort to bond with her but according to Sarah they just don't click which I was fine with because not everyone has to like each other. It's not like they're rude to each other and fight, they're quite friendly and cordial.
Sarah and I were discussing wedding plans the other day and I brought up having Zara as my best woman and Sarah shot down the idea. When I asked why she said she didn't want Zara to stick out among the other groomsman.
I assumed maybe she didn't want Zara to wear a dress because she loves her dresses, so I told her she'd be fine wearing a suit but she still said no. I got confused and asked if she didn't want Zara in the wedding party at all and she said yes.
She said she didn't want to give her friends and other people the wrong impression of me (which to me was very childish.) I insisted that I want Zara as my best woman because as much as I consider my fiancee my best friend and want to make her happy, Zara is also an important person in my life and I want her by my side.
She got frustrated and isn't speaking to me anymore and her friends think that this means that there's something going on between me and Zara. (She's a married woman who hates cheating with every fiber of her being) and I see her as my sister btw.) AITA?
Later, OP edited the post to include:
Nevermind y'all. Sarah is just Islamophobic, jealous and abelist (like some of you pointed out.). This is just a just of the text she sent me today to tell me how she feels. Thank you all for the support and for those of you who say men and woman can't be friends, I hope you get help.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
spudddyy said:
NTA - congrats on your engagement! I can understand where your fiance is coming from, a lot of people will always be apprehensive/jealous of their partners having friends of the opposite sex. however, the entire time you have been together, she has known that you have a close female friend. if it is truly a massive problem for her, she shouldn't have continued her relationship with you.
Pls consider: would you honestly be 100% fine with her having a male "maid of honor" for the wedding? if so, fair enough. Personally, I don't think you should throw away your whole relationship over this...
But I do think you need to explain to her how she is the person you want to marry, and that you just want your best mate up there with you too. her husband could even be another one of the groomsmen. Good luck to you with whatever happens!
Ok_Conversation9750 said:
NTA but Sarah is waiving a giant red (and jealousy green) flag in your face! She is showing her true self - pay attention!
PersonalitySmall593 said:
NTA, she is jealous of your relationship with your friend and really this should have been dealt with before you got this far into the relationship. Never just assume an issue will resolve itself.
Mellifluous-Squirrel said:
NTA. Has Sarah been married before? I'd be reconsidering the engagement simply because the two of you sound worlds apart in how mature you are. I'm sorry for your loss.
cascadia1979 said:
NTA. Sarah needs to learn to accept that Zara is part of your life. You are not crossing any boundaries with Zara and it’s fine to have a good friend who is another woman. Sarah seems jealous and insecure and that is not a good thing to be marrying into.
pieville31313 said:
NTA. 21 years ago my “maid of honor” was a man. My groom had no issues, he knew MOH & I were besties but was secure in our relationship. Of course my husband is my truest best friend, but we recognize that there are others in our life we’re close to. Sarah will push Zara out of your life.