'AITA for having my wedding on a day my friend can’t take off from work?' 'She’d be fired.'
"AITA for having my wedding on a day my friend can’t take off from work?"
My fiancé and I are throwing together a small wedding in our backyard that is set for six weeks from now. We’ve been engaged for over a year now and have a daughter so we figured it’s time! We’re not into the whole “production” that some bigger weddings can become so we’re trying to keep things extremely casual.
As a result we’ve been texting and calling people to invite them in lieu of the more traditional paper invites. I texted a friend of mine with the date and time telling her that we would love to have her attend our little gathering if she could make it and her reply really sent me for a loop.
She responded very upset that the wedding was so close and that she didn’t have time to prepare for it. On top of that, I scheduled the wedding on a day that she works at the county fair. She then went on to say that my decision was rushed and I should be giving my guests as much time as possible to get ready for the wedding.
I didn’t want to make her feel bad about not being able to make it so I told her I understood it was a busy time for her and not to worry. She then replied saying I was being dismissive and questioning if we were truly friends because I didn’t think to check the fair dates before setting the date for my wedding.
She went on about how she wanted to be involved in the planning and that it felt like a “slap in the face” that she wasn’t being involved. I responded by apologizing that I hadn’t checked the dates because I thought that I knew them and then questioned why she couldn’t take the day off if it was so important to her that she be there.
Apparently she’d be fired if she did because she’s the only cook available for the whole week of the fair. Six weeks isn’t enough time to find someone to cover one shift. Okay, fair enough.
She responds to my apology by saying that it’s not a little mistake and that I should’ve asked her when she’d be available. She also asked why she hadn’t been notified sooner. I’ve tried to tell her that it’s just a small, casual affair and that my fiancé and I are the only ones involved in the planning.
I’ve tried apologizing but she just doesn’t want to hear it and at this point I’m pissed at her that she seems hell bent on making my wedding about her and her needs. I have disengaged from the conversation but it’s still haunting me so I need to know AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
0biterdicta said:
NTA. Trying to coordinate a day which works for an entire group of people is tough. It's not surprising that you have a guest with a conflict. Your "friend" is making your wedding all about her. That's pretty selfish.
Mooshu1981 said:
NTA. 2 years ago my best friend didn’t tell me about her wedding til after it happened. They did a courthouse ceremony. I was ok with the spur of the moment until she posted photos and 2 other friends had been invited. I was not happy about not being told. We no longer speak. I realized I wasn’t important in her life. You gave plenty of notice. Your friend is making it about her.
time-watertraveler said:
NTA. Your life and your wedding do not revolve around her, her schedule, wants and needs.
YouthNAsia63 said:
You don’t have to plan your wedding around the availability of guests. You don’t owe your guests the opportunity to help plan or be involved your wedding. You invited your friend, she has prior obligation to be elsewhere, you said you understood-and that should have been the end of it. Because ya know what? Your wedding is not about her! Who does she think she is, really, now. NTA.
Gnarly_314 said:
NTA. Does your friend not understand it is a casual wedding that does not require her input. Her preparation would only be to dress and turn up. The only effort required is to arrange a day off. Six weeks is plenty of time to arrange cover for the day.
Creepy_Radio_3084 said:
Whose wedding is it, yours or hers? Oh, that's right, it's yours. So it's arranged to suit you and your fiancé, not her. Do you always have to run your life decisions past your friend, just to make sure she's happy with it? NTA.
marlada said:
NTA. Apparently she is the center of the universe and l plans must be run by her. Ridiculous!! Have a wonderful pathewedding without the tantrums of this pathetic prima donna