'AITA for telling our friend she isn’t better just because she didn’t get an epidural?'
"AITA for telling our friend she isn’t better just because she didn’t get an epidural?"
throwaway927263_
My 28f friend Sarah 27f recently gave birth to her first child one month. She is the youngest in our friend group and is also the last one to have a child. We were all of course very excited to meet both her child but to support her during postpartum and her journey in motherhood.
So we finally got to see her this Friday and everything was going very well, we all enjoyed meeting the group as a whole and motherhood seemed to be finding her well. But then another friend of ours asked her about her birth experience.
Sarah told us about it and mentioned that she did not have an epidural. I was a little annoyed as some moms seem to think going through unnecessary much pain is something to brag about, I did not think that Sarah was like this.
So I said as a joke “Cool, did they give you a medal or should we do that?”. She asked me what that comment was necessary for, and I told her that she knew all of us choose the epidural and shaming us for it is not a good look and that not having an epidural isn’t something to brag about.
She told me that it was not her intention to do so, but our friends agreed with me and told her that I was right, if her point wasn’t to bring us down or to brag she could have just avoided to mention it.
She just said that she was sorry if she upset us but that she really did not mean it in that way. It became sour so we all decided to leave, I thought she would text us later and apologize but instead her husband sent us a text from her number.
He basically told us that Sarah was incredible during birth and would have been with our without an epidural, and that we were the ones shaming her for not having one. We did not respond but instead created another group chat talking about it.
What we all agreed on is that she, like many other moms who don’t choose the epidural, didn’t intentionally try to shame us. But that they very often think off themselves as superior, and it was sad that Sarah who is otherwise a very kindhearted person turned out to be this way.
We don’t believe we are a$$h0l3s, but Sarah has not talked with us since and my husband told me that if I thought it was worth ruining a 15 year friendship over then so be it. I would like to know if we are the a$$h0l3s here, or if Sarah is.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
BulbasaurRanch
Okay, yes YTA. How dare you think otherwise. She did nothing wrong. You wanted to be offended and found a reason to be.
“Some moms seem to think going through unnecessary much pain is something to brag about.”
She didn’t brag. She was asked a question and answered it. At no point do you indicate she thought she was better than anyone else, at no point did you indicate she said anything negative about those who took the epidural. YOU attributed malicious intent behind her comment. You added hidden subtext to her comments so you could be upset.
And now you’re seeking an apology? For petes sake, you and your cheerleader squad of girls pumping yourselves up as the victim is absolutely ridiculous.
“But that they very often think of themselves as superior, and it was sad that sarah who is otherwise a very kindhearted person turned out to be this way”
SHE DIDNT DO ANYTHING. She told you a fact of her birthing story. She didnt say she was better than you. She didn’t pretend to be superior. She told you an actual fact that pertains to her story. You are not worthy of being this persons friend. This victim complex bullshit you’re peddling is pathetic. It’s sad that you turned out this way. YTA.
jsrsquared
Lol seriously this is so obvious that I’m assuming this is either a creative writing exercise or Sarah posted it to make a point. How someone could write out the narrative of an event where they clearly instigated the conflict by making a catty remark and then somehow think they’re not the AH is baffling. Obviously YTA, OP.
alexiagrace
YTA. From your own post: “she didn’t intentionally try to shame us.” You all are the one making assumptions about what she MUST think about her birth vs yours. It’s coming from your own internal beliefs, not from anything she did or said.
She said “I didn’t have an epidural” because that’s a fact and it’s part of the story of that day. It’s a neutral statement. She did NOT say “I didn’t have an epidural because I am BETTER and STRONGER than you and you all suck and are bad moms.”
I don’t understand why you’re acting like that’s what she said. It’s not. Sounds like your friend group is really jumping at any chance to get offended and feel superior over nothing.
YOU are the one shaming HER. You minimized and dismissed a major life experience she had. That sucks. I’m baffled how you don’t see that.
atealein
YTA. Sarah was asked for her experience and she shared it. She didn't say anything about your experiences - it is a connection YOU made because "SOME MOMS SEEM TO THINK..."
So you painted Sarah's story as shaming all of you and basically made a new mom having to feel bad about YOUR interpretation of her experience. SHAME ON YOU. You are not her friend and your group rallying to BULLY HER means they are the same sort as you are.
Good for you making a new group without her, that shows exactly how interested you are in actually having her as a friend and how interested you are in talking about her behind her back and judging her. I hope she finds better friends quickly, cause honestly, it wouldn't be difficult task.
prairiemountainzen
Wow, so Sarah was telling you all about her own birth experience and you managed to somehow make it entirely about yourselves? How completely self-absorbed you all must be. YTA.