Attempt to prove mom's job easy backfires for overconfident work-from-home dad. AITA?
"AITA for letting my kids disturb my husband during an important work meeting, after he said he would handle them for a day to prove how easy my job is?"
ClearCoffee7140
I'm 31F and my husband is 36M. We have two boys, a 5yr old and a 7yr old. My husband works in an office and he has the option to work a few days a week from home, but he prefers not to because he says it's easier to focus in the office.
I run a small business from home. I don't have a lot of daily work, just some emails and planning (maybe 3 hours a day?) but the business does make about a third of our household income.
But my younger son is home all day and just dealing with him takes a lot of energy. He's really high energy and will probably wreck something if you leave him alone for an hour. And then the older one comes home at 3 and both of them are with me until 8 or 9, which is when my husband usually comes home.
A few days ago, I was really tired and I didn't make dinner. When my husband came home I asked him if we could just order something. He was also tired and we were both short tempered so we ended up snapping at each other.
He said I should have at least ordered before he got home and he was hungry, I said I forgot and it's not fair that food is always my problem. He said that I'm home all day and I even admit I don't have much work to do, so I'm basically a SAHM and should at least take care of dinner.
I said he has no idea how much I do everyday, and he said he'd handle the kids for an entire day while also working from home just to prove it should be easy for me. I said sure, so he made the arrangements to work from home yesterday.
I slept in, and when I woke up he was already frazzled from getting the older one ready for school. He ended up having to cancel a meeting to make breakfast, and was worried about that.
Then when he took another meeting later on, the boys went out to play in the yard and got super muddy and left footprints all over the house. which he then had to mop, and I didn't help at all.
By this point I did feel sort of guilty because it was definitely harder for him to take care of work at the same time, but all I wanted was an apology. He said he was doing this to show that I do nothing all day, and if he just admitted he was wrong I would have helped out straight away.
Later on he had another meeting, and he told the boys not to bother him for an hour. But about 20 minutes in, they got in an argument about something and our younger one went into my husband's room to complain.
He was really loud and my husband's video was also on, then he told the kid to leave him alone but he was upset and crying and wasn't listening. After a few minutes my husband went back to the meeting and apologized to the other people.
When it was finished, he was really angry at me. he said I could see what was happening and I just watched him struggle without helping. I said all you had to say was please help, he said I shouldn't be so petty and prideful. This probably made him look a bit stupid in front of his manager, but it was only a few minutes and I don't think It was the huge deal he made it out to be.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
KarinmedQ
NTA, and if I'm not reading the post completely wrong they're your husbands kids as well? So not sure why point 1. is worded as it is with the "I didn't step in to help when *my* kids were disturbing him..." He said he could handle it, he couldn't - that's on him.
The OP responded here:
ClearCoffee7140
Yes yes, they're his kids too. I just used our and my interchangeably because I'm used to calling them my kids when talking to other people.
Desperate-Film599
NTA. He deserved a little comeuppance. If he doesn’t come home until 8-9? You are basically a single mother, working part time, while taking full care of two small children, and maintaining an entire household… with little-to-no help from him.
You’re allowed to occasionally be exhausted. He was an ass for making you feel guilty about one dinner. He was an even bigger ass to insinuate that what you do is no big deal. The icing on his cake was claiming he could easily do it. F around and find out.
*With so many people working from home now? People obviously understand there’s a slight possibility a kid will interrupt something. It was likely no big deal to his meeting. And he deserved it.
RamblingManUK
He's seriously saying you "shouldn't be so petty and prideful"? While you are being petty (with reason) *he* is the one being prideful, all he had to do was admit he was wrong and you'd have helped but he chose to screw up in front of his manager rather than admit fault. NTA.
Secret_Double_9239
Him saying you can see him struggling but you did nothing is the whole problem. He see you struggling and does nothing to help take things off your plate, he piles more stuff onto it.
Maybe you could have helped out during the meeting but honestly I say NTA. When he calmed down point out that he experienced a fraction of what you have to hand on a daily basis.
alwaysright12
NTA. Has he apologised yet?
TBH if I was you I'd make sure he has them on his own far more often from now on. I'd be booking weekends away.