Mother questions if therapy is enough to help daughter cope after work accident leaves father in a coma. AITA?
"AITA for struggling to help my daughter cope with her father’s work accident?"
I (27F) have a 6-year-old daughter with my ex-boyfriend. Although we’re no longer together, he has always been a loving and devoted father. They share a very close bond, and she adores him.
her father was in a terrible work accident that left him in a coma. The doctors can’t say when or if he’ll wake up, and the uncertainty has been unbearable. I’ve been trying to stay strong for my daughter, but it’s been incredibly hard.
She doesn’t fully understand what happened and has been struggling ever since. At school, she’s been acting out—refusing to listen to her teacher and getting into arguments with her classmates.
At home, she’s throwing tantrums over the smallest things, yelling, and even saying things like she hates me or that I’m lying about her dad. It’s been heartbreaking. I’ve taken her to visit her father a few times, hoping it would help her feel more connected and understand what’s happening.
Each time, she starts crying and clings to his hand, begging him to wake up. Watching her so heartbroken is gut-wrenching, and I often feel completely helpless. I’ve tried everything I can think of to help her—extra patience, spending more quality time together, and reassuring her that she’s loved.
But it doesn’t seem to be enough. After a particularly tough week, I decided to put her in therapy, hoping a professional could help her process her emotions. She’s had two sessions so far, and while I know it takes time, her behavior hasn’t improved yet, and I feel like I’m failing her.
Some family members think I’m overreacting. They’ve told me that kids are resilient and that she’ll “get over it” in time, suggesting that I’m making her more anxious by talking about her father’s accident too much. Others have been more supportive, but their mixed opinions have left me second-guessing myself.
I’m trying so hard to do what’s best for my daughter, but I’m terrified that I’m not handling this the right way. Am I overreacting by putting her in therapy, or am I not doing enough to help her cope? AITA for struggling to figure out how to help my daughter through this?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. You're doing everything you can for your daughter, and therapy was a great step. Kids don't always show immediate progress, but it's clear you're showing love and support. Ignore the family pressure, and keep doing what feels right for her. You're not failing her, you're doing your best!
Great comment. I’m so glad Mom got her a therapist to talk with. Just a gentle reminder that a therapist isn’t a wizard and two chats (sessions) with a stranger isn’t going to suddenly fix anything.
The therapist isn’t going to be able to say the perfect, magic words to Daughter that will suddenly turn everything around. It’s going to take time. Just keep doing what you’re doing and give Daughter your grace, love, and patience.
You are ABSOLUTELY not overreacting by putting her in therapy. This is a big deal for anyone, let alone a small child. You need professional help to assist her in navigating her feelings. You’re doing the right things, and anyone who says otherwise is a knob.
The fact that you care, are worried, and are taking steps to help your daughter is what makes you a good mom. Frankly I'd be concerned if she wasn't bothered by her dad's medical state. Anyone can have an opinion, but no one knows tour daughter the way you do. In this arena, their opinions are moot. NTA.
NTA. My father was in a coma for a year after a drunk driver crashed into him. It was and is, awful. 35 years later I am still grieving. You are doing the right thing- you BOTH need therapy.
A professional can help you process your feelings, hers, and your therapists together can help you decide the best course of action for you and your daughter during this AWFUL time. I’m so sorry you are all having to deal with this.
I will add- when this happens to you as a child, it is like all of a sudden the Matrix has fallen. Nothing makes sense any longer. The world all of a sudden is a very unstable, scary place. You trust nothing.
At 6, her Daddy was a safe place to land, to lean on, to trust, to run to. Having that innocence ripped away from you is traumatic in a way I cant explain. My Dah was in a coma for a year and then he died. The coma was absolutely the worst part. Not dead, but gone.
Hug her a lot. Keep routines, support her feeling safe and regulated. Music and movement are great. Don’t feel hurt when it seems not to “be working”. Having your worldview shattered at six is just horrific.
This is one of those situations where time is what's needed. She has seen her daddy in the coma and will continue to struggle until he wakes up or not. She has massive emotions around this but not the skills to cope.
You have done everything you should / could have .keep her in therapy, take her to see him and be patient. There are a number of books for children on amazon about dealing with serious illness , check with the therapist if one of those would be suitable for you to read with her.
Absolutely NTA, you're an adult who is struggling to handle this which is natural and understandable, so the fact that others think your six year old should be handling this better is horrible. You're doing the right thing by being more involved and seeking outside professional help as well. Perhaps while she is getting help, you might benefit from some individual sessions.