'AITA for helping my BIL's wife with advice on how to agree on baby names?' 'I had no business interfering.'
"AITA for helping my BIL's wife with advice on how to agree on baby names?"
My husband's brother and his wife are expecting a baby together. This is their first. My husband and I have four kids so we've been there, done that and we're both happy with our kid's names. For the sake of the post BILs wife is going to be Emma.
So Emma came to me a few weeks ago and asked me how my husband and I figured out names for our kids because she and BIL haven't listed the name name yet for their baby.
She said they've made a few lists already but there's never one name overlapping. She said given we seemed to find our names easily and we're still happy, she felt I was a good person to ask.
I decided to help her without going into "name your baby this" or "use this to get a baby name" and instead I told her some steps my husband and I took. 1) Write a list of top names, top 10, 20, 50 whatever and choose the names off each other's list that are absolutely no, never going to happen and accept that and don't hold a grudge over it 2) Discuss what your priority is in a name.
For us it was a name that fit among peers (not too old, not too weird) but where they would still be the only [name] in the class. 3) Try to have fun with it both individually and together 4) Take breaks if you feel yourself getting stressed or frustrated.
Emma took it all in and even made some notes on her phone while we talked. She thanked me for the words of wisdom. Then she went to BIL and all seemed fine. Until he found out I had given advice.
He told me I had no business interfering and told my husband I should mind my business. My husband stood up for me and said Emma had asked and I didn't interfere, I didn't try to talk them into a name, I just gave some tips on how they could work together better.
Emma apologized to me for BIL getting so angry. BIL said I should at least apologize before we put this to bed. He said I did overstep with my advice. My husband said BIL is being unreasonable. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
YouthNAsia63 said:
Gee, I wonder why your SIL is having trouble picking out names with her husband, he sounds so reasonable and sane, and not an asshole at all. It’s just a total mystery. (s) OP, do not apologize for having a conversation with your SIL and telling her how you and your husband managed to name your kids and not have it turn into a fight or a tragedeigh. Especially since she asked you.
How were you to know her husband would be offended by this? Well, you know, now. If she ever gets tired of him, maybe she can come to you for assistance while cutting herself loose. NTA.
springflowers68 said:
NTA and you can see why your SIL is having problems. He is truly a piece of work! Hopefully Emma can find a reasonable solution to this, or I expect the rest of their married life—and potentially co-parenting life—will be extremely difficult. You do not owe him an apology, he owes one to you!
bestbobever said:
NTA - Your BIL is being weird and borderline toxic. You gave general advice on how to reach a compromise. I could be wrong, but I suspect your BIL is upset that he is being expected to compromise rather than just get his way. Good for your husband for standing up for you too.
Fun_Milk_4560 said:
NTA. And do not apologize to that man, it seems he's used to throwing fits and getting his way. He was probably counting on that for picking the baby name and that's why he's mad you've given compromise advice.
Human-Jacket8971 said:
BIL is too invested into forcing wife to accept his name choice. Your advice was way too reasonable apparently. NTA.
Disastrous-Nail-640 said:
NTA. To BIL: “I’m not apologizing for answering a question someone asked me.”