'AITA for telling my housemate his GF can't stay with us anymore?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my housemate his girlfriend cant stay anymore?"
I share an apartment with a friend I've known for years (both M24). We have had this place for over a year and havent had any real issues, we get along well and do heaps together. He works full time, I am a university student and we split all bills, food and rent down the middle (we hate the idea of 'share houses' and just want it to feel like a home).
A few months ago, he started seeing a girl (T) who spends every day and night at our place (T is also a university student and hates her studio apartment.). Until recently, I have had no issue with T being here and have never asked her to pay for anything. She eats all meals at our place and takes food to uni if she needs. They way I see it, housemate and I just buy a bit more food and it really doesn't matter.
The other week, I got home from uni, went to the kitchen to make a coffee (I had an assignment I needed to work on so wanted a pick me up) and when I opened the fridge I noticed some redbulls. I just assumed my housemate had gotten them for us so I grabbed one and drank it.
The next morning at breakfast, T opened the fridge and then got super angry that one of HER redbulls was missing. I said it was me and that I thought my housemate had gotten them. She started telling me how she bought them for herself and I should have asked and that I needed to apologise for taking it.
I was going to tell T that its my fridge and I shouldn't have to ask if I can have stuff in it, but didn't want to start a conflict so just apologised. She demanded I by her a replacement.... Since then she has started labelling any drinks or food she brings for herself and makes a point of saying its hers.
After all this, I have said to my housemate that I don't want her staying at our place unless she is going to start paying rent, paying for bills and pitching in to pay for food. I don't want to pay for her anymore just so that she can abuse me for taking a drink from my own fridge. AITA?
OP responded:
I didn't even think of the lease issues! Great point
[deleted] said:
NTA. She has to chip in if she’s staying over that much. It’s still your house and your fridge. Petty solution: write up all the things she consumes and present her with a bill or demand she buys you a replacement.
razzledazzle626 said:
NTA, she’s being extremely rude and self centered. She takes your food/drinks constantly, the very least she can do is understand that if she puts something in the fridge there’s a chance you could have some. Also, I agree she should pay rent, utilities, and food if she’s there that often.
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
[deleted] said:
NTA your roommate may actually be violating the lease by letting another person stay over too much. But beyond that you need to sit down with your roommate and try to set some reasonable visitation limits. Unfortunately, beyond getting the landlord to establish a no trespass on her there's not much you can do to really enforce anything other than look for another place.
razzledazzle626 said:
NTA, she’s being extremely rude and self centered. She takes your food/drinks constantly, the very least she can do is understand that if she puts something in the fridge there’s a chance you could have some. Also, I agree she should pay rent, utilities, and food if she’s there that often.
OP responded:
If it wasn't for her behaviour, id not make her pay for anything. So I don't know if im just being petty now or if its legit
Hadiax said:
NTA She eats your stuff then goes off when you (accidentally) drink a redbull of hers... seems like a one way street to me. Either she shares too or she pays. Out of curiosity.. How did your roommate react to this?
OP responded:
He understood, tbf I think she doesn't agree with how she acted, but is just stuck in the middle now. But I just don't know if im doing the right thing here
peachmelbaa said:
NTA it sounds like a honest mistake and if that's the way gf acted then you are in your rights to set your own boundaries and rules. I think you have been fair and let it go on long enough without asking for anything. But doesn't sound like the gf is just a guest any more.
HedgehogOptimal1784 said:
NTA. At the very least I would say, if you are going to eat my food I will eat yours, if that isn't acceptable then your food should be in your fridge at your apartment. She can't have it both ways.
He later shared this update:
Just to address some of the common things iv been reading (also thanks all, its nice to see only a few said ITA 🤣). I avoided saying anything at the time because my housemate and I are close to brothers and I don't want a fight like this to make him have to pick (honestly I know he would dump her and stick with me).
Housemate is a great guy and I in no way think he has tried to take advantage, when I have had gfs stay or we have had mates over, we have just kept to 50/50 as always (sometimes people buy us food or pitch in as thanks, but we never expect it). He and I act more as family in a house rather than housemates, which is why its never been an issue.
T is very manipulative. As a side story, housemate and I always do a movie night once a week. Its our tradition and we loved it. T has said she wants to join us and then every time, around 30mins in, she will wisper something to him or act a certain way and draw him away to the bedroom.
Honestly its peeved me a tad as she is clearly just trying to assert some dominance there, but I also joke with the housemate about is and how little he is able to think with his bigger head when the little one is active.
I have laughed at the (few) comments calling me a pushover, and I can see how it looks like that here. I normally am the first to stand up and react to something and hate people being rude. In this situation it hasn't been an issue until and and my desire to not cause an issue was less about her, more about not wanting conflict with the housemate.
Since I talked to him about her needed to pay or leave, she has spent more time at her own place but now just comes round and has the ability to kill the mood in any room. I want them to separate, I think he cant see this lasting either....but she is hot and he thinks with the wrong head.....a lot....