'AITA for humiliating my sister’s fiancé at a family gathering after what he did to her?'
"AITA for humiliating my sister’s fiancé at a family gathering after what he did to her?"
My sister (28F) has been with her fiancé (32M) for three years. She’s always been the more reserved, quiet type, while he’s loud, extroverted, and sometimes a little over-the-top. We tolerated him, but recently, he crossed a serious line.
A few weeks ago, my sister came to me in tears because her fiancé had "pranked" her in front of his friends by pretending to propose in an elaborate setup, only to laugh in her face and say, "Just kidding, babe! You really thought I was serious?" His friends all laughed while she stood there, humiliated.
She didn’t break up with him (which I think she should have), but she was heartbroken. He later gave her some half-hearted excuse about how he actually had a proposal planned soon and this was just a joke gone wrong.
Fast forward to this past weekend at our parents' house. We were having a big family dinner, and he was there, acting like nothing happened. While chatting, someone asked when they were getting married, and before my sister could answer, he smirked and said, "Guess she’ll just have to wait and see, huh?"
That was it for me. I smiled sweetly and said, "Oh, is this like how she had to wait for that hilarious fake proposal in front of all your friends? That was so funny, right? Let’s all have a good laugh about it now."
The table went dead silent. My sister looked mortified, but my parents looked pissed at him. He stammered something about it being a joke, but my dad straight-up told him, "That’s not a joke. That’s cruelty."
He left shortly after, and now my sister is mad at me for "embarrassing him and making things worse." I told her he embarrassed her first and deserved to be called out. My parents are backing me, but my sister says I’ve ruined things for her. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
She should not marry this asshole even if he asks. He is cruel and a very small man to do that to her. Your sister needs to know she can do so much better.
MiaDawnx (OP)
Facts. Dude is a walking red flag. If this is how he treats her before marriage, imagine how bad it’ll be later. She deserves way better than a guy who thinks humiliating her is comedy.
If she marries this a-hole she is doing it with eyes wide open, he will abuse her for his entertainment and it will get worse. You will likely go no contact because she will complain but not do anything about it. I’m sorry she thinks so little of herself that she puts up with this idiot and I’m sorry for your family as it will split you up.
NTA. That guy is a effing AH. Not only are you not the asshole, I think he provides a target rich environment. Open fire. Be uncomfortable. Make the tension unbearable. If she marries him, he’ll destroy her entire life. Basically, happy hunting.
Why are you calling him her fiancé? The proposal was fake. They’re not engaged. Should make it easy for her to dump him.
NTA. A joke is not funny if it has to be explained. Ask him how his Prank was funny. To explain in detail where your sister was supposed to laugh. Repeatedly ask him to explain his prank at every opportunity, especially around his family.
NAH. The guy is an AH with a twisted sense of humor (to put it kindly). The fact that your sister is introverted only seems to embolden him more. There are serious red flags here. If he was 20, I could maybe see how it was an immature joke in poor taste.
But he’s in his 30s. He should know better. And if he truly cares about your sister, he would not hang some future proposal over her head and make jokes about it that are hurtful to her. It’s just plain mean.
MiaDawnx (OP)
Exactly! Dude is pushing 33, not 13, he knows what he’s doing. This ain’t ‘humor,’ it’s straight-up disrespect. And the fact that he keeps pulling this on my quiet, introverted sister? Nah, that’s calculated. If this is how he acts before marriage, I don’t even wanna think about after.
Huge red flag that she's defending his behavior, he has her wrapped around his finger and that's awful. NTA, get her out, for her own sake.
NTA, unfortunately it sounds like your sister is still willing to be with him. If she wants to continue being with this jerk, you won't be able to do anything about it.
MiaDawnx (OP)
Yeah, that’s the frustrating part. She’s still choosing to stay, and there’s only so much I can do. At the end of the day, it’s her life, but I’m not gonna sit around and play nice with a dude who treats her like a joke. Just hoping she sees the red flag before it’s too late.
That is literally one of the most frustrating situations in existence. I ended up losing contact with a good friend over a similar situation; i couldn't stand to watch her take her absolute POS boyfriend back over and over again. Here's hoping your sister proves smarter and more self-respecting in the end than my friend.
NTA tell her you are not going to let his toxicity pass and you don't know why her bar for his behavior is on the floor. She deserves so much better but she is going to have to raise the bar with the next boyfriend.
Nah you’re not the asshole. Dude humiliated your sister in front of his boys but now she’s mad at you for embarrassing him That’s wild He played a cruel joke at her expense and all you did was hold up a mirror to his behavior If he can’t handle a taste of his own medicine maybe he shouldn’t be dishing it out in the first place.
Your sister’s probably just upset and trying to keep the peace but honestly you did her a favor If she stays with this guy she needs to see exactly what kind of person he is before she’s in too deep Your parents backing you up just proves you weren’t out of line he was.