Husband’s taco run for pregnant friend leads to explosive fight with her husband. AITA?
"AITA My husband is better than my bf's husband?"
CrapKidThrowaway
I'm writing this post because my best friend's (Kate) husband (Bert) called my husband (Tim) an AH. I have historically kept my opinion of Bert's behavior to a minimum on the grounds that good friends say their piece once and then love each other through shit relationships. But I'm asking internet strangers to be the judge.
I am traveling for work. Kate is stuck at home (working) at 7 months pregnant on modified bedrest. Generally during the week I drop over once or twice to bring her family some dinner (Tim cooks extra portions once a week to share), cheer her up, read her oldest a couple of bedtime stories so that mom can go to bed early and get some sleep.
Bert works an office job. Stressful, I'm sure, but during her pregnancy he's been working longer and longer hours (salaried, not overtime). She's been sad and a bit lonely. Yes, I've suggested counseling.
With that for background, this evening she and I were texting - it was about 6ish - and she got a craving for a taco place near my house and, importantly, near Bert's office. She says she asked him to grab her some on his way home.
He says he's not stopping. He's got work at home and she should just door dash something close. This makes her extremely sad (she's says irrationally sad, but you be the judge) because he used to surprise her with her favorite tacos and now he can't be bothered.
As one does, I tell Tim. I'm 3 states away, so it was just part of our chat as I was getting back to the hotel and getting ready for a work dinner. I get back from dinner and Tim had gone and picked her up tacos, remembered the bag of things I'd collected for her and the kid that were in my car, and pulled a tuna casserole from the freezer (Bert hates tuna casserole).
He dropped them off on the porch and just texted her that there were some things I wanted her to have. Then Bert gets home. Did he bring tacos, coloring books or a good attitude? No he did not.
He called Tim to tell him that he was an AH for "showing him up." Other colorful language was also used including some fairly sexist nonsense. He also texted me telling me to keep my husband away from his wife.
Tim did respond rudely when Bert called. Kate says he told Bert he was a failure as a human, a man, a father and a husband. Apparently that caused Bert to scream expletives so loud their daughter started to cry. Not good.
Tim then hung up on Bert, blocked him, and texted Kate that if she needed someone in an emergency she knew where to call but he wasn't putting up with her "trash husband" any longer.
It's a giant cluster and I have no idea what's going to happen. My husband feels bad things escalated so much, particularly since their daughter was crying. He feels like an AH at the moment. Obviously Bert thinks he's an AH. I think he's a sweet man. What do you guys think?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
infernoxv
I have to say initially read the title as ‘my husband is better than my boyfriend’s husband’ and was very confused… 🤣
ElToroBlanco25
Right, I came for the drama, and all I got was Saint Tim the Gallant (I seriously love OPs husband's vibe).
BonnoCW
I want to grow up to be Tim. He sounds like a great human being, Bert on the other hand...
Corfiz74
I instantly got the vibe Bert was off with his sidepiece and nowhere near the office, and that's why he didn't want to go there to grab tacos.
NerdySwampWitch40
NTA. Bert is the only asshole in this situation. Also, $5 says Bert didn't want to stop for tacos because Bert has not been "staying late at the office" and he was nowhere near the good taco place. Bert is getting shown up because Bert isn't even phoning in being a supportive partner and husband. He's sending a brain-damaged carrier pigeon.
Kate needs to rethink if this is what she wants for her and her kids' long-term. Is this the model of a relationship she wants them to see. An angry AH who ignores an easy request from his pregnant partner and then goes off when a friend helps?
kg_sm
It was the way he answered to even before all the other stuff. It’d be a lot different if Bert said something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry babe. I can’t because I’m working late and don’t know when I’ll be home. But I can Doordash some to you now.’ ANYTHING to take on some responsibility.’ But his response was dismissive from the start.
If he’s not cheating, he’s definitely just staying let because his own wife is no longer ‘fun’ and he doesn’t want to step up and deal with the responsibilities. He definitely won’t get any better when the kid arrives.
TickityTickityBoom
Host of Gay and Straight Talk Podcast. Here for the soapy drama, emotional situations and generally to chew the fat. Bert is garbage, Kate needs to address this. However, I think Bert wasn’t at his office near the Taco place. Has he lost his job or having an affair? NTA.
Cranky70something
Bert's a jerk and everyone else is great, especially Tim. I hope that at some point after she has had her baby, Kate is going to realize that Bert is dead weight and dump his sorry ass. I bet that Tim and you think that can't happen quickly enough.