Woman shocked when husband gives her lunch to female friend. He says; 'Well yeah, I have feelings for her.' AITA? + NEWEST UPDATE
"AITA for being upset that my husband gave my food to his friend?"
I (23F) and my husband Jeff (25M) have been together for 7 years, we’ve recently got married about 10 months ago. With that, I also got a promotion at my job and I work longer hours.
He has a friend, Sarah (25F?) I’m not close to her, I don’t talk to her but I will greet her and be civil if I have to. My husband knows her as they were in the same training for their job, they work in two different departments though.
So to the problem, me and my husband had gotten off of work a bit earlier so I decided to make a nice meal for both of us as we haven’t been able to have a lot of time together so I wanted to have a nice romantic dinner in our dining room.
Fast forward some hours, after I finished cooking I only made enough portions for me, him and a bit for myself for my lunch tomorrow at work so I let him know about my lunch I had in the fridge and that it isn’t leftovers.
Anyway, we’re sitting down enjoying our meal and talking. That’s when somebody walks in..yeah walks in. Obviously I’m thinking somebody just snuck into our house or something because I never gave anybody a key, all I knew is that my husband and myself have a key.
To my surprise, Sarah came walking in as she greeted my husband. I had to greet her first and she finally looked at me and greeted me. I looked at my husband and said “I didn’t know we had company”, he just shrugged it off and said “I decided to invite her over to hang out”. I’m blindsided because I wanted this night to be just for us since we’ve been so busy.
Sarah sits down and has the nerve to ask “where is my plate”. I looked at her, I reminded her that I wasn’t aware that she was coming over so I didn’t make enough and I apologized. She started calling me rude and inconsiderate but I kept letting her know that I wasn’t aware and I could Uber eats her something if she wanted or fix her up a sandwich.
She looked at my husband and asked why she didn’t have a plate. I kid you not, my husband gets up, goes over to the fridge, takes my temporary lunch bowl out the fridge and reheats it and gives it to her. I immediately tried to take it but he moved it and I said “that’s my lunch for tomorrow” and he replied to me “you could make yourself something else”. To be fair, I was pissed.
He gave the plate to her and she just started eating it and thanked him. Obviously I’m mad at this point and I was going on about how that was my lunch for tomorrow while he ignored him. Sarah kept calling me bitter and childish saying it wasn’t serious. I soon had enough and just stormed upstairs and never came back downstairs.
My husband ended up coming upstairs very late at night and just getting into bed without even giving me a kiss (I wake up easily but I was still half way asleep). I just want to know if I was being selfish and made a big deal out of him giving her the food. AITA??
Edit: I’m getting comments saying I’m fake and AI? I do apologize for any mistakes in here. I do typically mess up with my words when I type fast and i apologize for that but please stop being mean about it. I never posted on here tho, are ppl usually this mean? 😭
Edit 2: I plan on talking to him tonight when he gets home. He’s working later tonight so I’m gonna try to keep myself up and I’m gonna ask him if anything is going on with him and Sarah.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s initial post:
You know that the issue is not about the food but about your husbands blatant disrespect for you and that woman coming into your house to berate and name call you. You are a better person than me, I would have decked her and dragged her out my house like a common thief. You need to rethink this 'marriage' of a thing.
Let me get this straight. She has a key to your apt, she walks in without knocking, she expects to be served dinner, you tell her not enough food, offer her ubereats instead, she insults you, husband doesn’t defend you, husband gives her your food, husband ignores your objections.
They talk over you while eating, you go upstairs but not husband, they spend entire evening alone, husband comes to bed late and doesn’t speak to you? This isn’t a platonic friendship. Your husband is in love with her.
Whether or not she feels the same way, she clearly has zero respect for you in your own home, and knows that she can treat you as badly as she likes with your husband’s full support.
Euphoric_Sentence_48 (OP)
I was pretty shocked when it happened too, I think that’s why I didn’t react more in the moment. I’ve been reading comments and thinking about everything myself.
Especially the moment when he told me he had feelings for her which was in the update and I’m 99% sure it’s an emotional affair. I know I seem like a doormat in both of my post which I was in the moment but I’ve thought about it more and I think divorce is the lane I’m going down.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
This isn’t gonna be a long update at all. I talked to my husband after he got home today and long story short, they have feelings for one another. He denied cheating but I feel like there was at least emotional cheating. I don’t know what to do as I’ve been with him since I was 16 and he was my first everything, I can’t even imagine a life without him.
I’m currently at my mom’s house. I came over here after all the chaos, he’s been blowing up my phone with text and calls. First he was apologetic, to it was “she means nothing and now I’m insecure woman he claims.
He tells me he still loves me but if I’m with you then I want to be the only one you love. Lots of you also pointed out that he was disrespectful which he was and I can’t stand for that either.
I checked the ring camera and her car is currently in our driveway. Anyway, I feel like complete garbage. Me and him mostly have mutual friends since I didn’t have many friends in high school, just college which is where I met him (we were in the same friend group).
I’ve been crying and I’ll admit embarrassingly I’ve thrown up about twice. My mom has been super supportive and tonight she’s letting me forget with ice cream and rewatching love island. But she said it’ll be temporary as me and her need to have discussions on what will be with me and my husband going forward.
That’s it though, thanks for all the advice I got and completely things get better. Again, I’m sorry if any of this is hard to understand as my hands are very shaky. Sorry and please refrain from any hate comments.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s update:
What the hell is her car doing in your driveway while you’re not there if he loves you so much and she means nothing? He’s continuing to disrespect you by having her over while you’re at your mom’s house.
I know it’s hard, and I know imagining your life without him is difficult, but if you stay, you’ll be teaching him that there’s a line of disrespect that you’ll tolerate and he’ll have no problem dancing right up on it whenever he feels like it going forward.
You’re worthy of so much more, and a man who would behave this way is not good enough for you. As someone who was once in a similar situation and now married to someone wonderful, I promise better love than what your current husband is showing is waiting for you.
If you seen her car in your driveway I'm surprised you have not did a surprise pop up since he thinks you're at your mom's and caught them in the act. Just the disrespect Alone, says a lot.... don't wait on him to make the decision you need to make the decision for yourself.
Their actions are BS. If this is real, I mean the man literally went in there and got a plate you said not to give her and gave it to her right in front of your face, that shows the importance of her. You deserve better.
Girl, I’d block her car in and call everyone over so we can all burst in and hear his brain dead explanations. Then call her parents/family/friends and church if she has one to speak with her about her home wrecking.
Insist HE leave, not you. Have over people for support and in case he comes back and tries anything. I’d call their shared boss too. I’m a terrible person but I don’t suffer alone. I’d put everything out into daylight.
Three days later, the OP returned with their second update.
Before I start on the update I want to explain some things I saw in the comments. A lot of people were confused by me saying I got with him at 16 and I do apologize for not talking about that more because I forgot that might be confusing for some people. I Started started attending kindergarten at 4 in September, I Turned 5 that January.
In 8th grade I was put in some honor classes which was high school credited. I Went to high school, did summer classes + some credit from 8th grade and ended up graduating early at 16. I started college after that summer break and THATS when I met my husband (hope that explains the timeline more).
Secondly, a lot of people were saying I was too calm about it. I want to also apologize for not adding much dialogue of what was discussed during the situation and I thought that me saying “I kept trying to take the plate and I was angry” was enough for some people to get the picture.
I didn’t want to add too much dialogue because I felt it would just make the whole post too long as I assumed that people wouldn’t have the attention span to read that but I was most definitely angry.
The reason I offered her Uber eats or to make a quick sandwich is because yes I wasn’t aware she was coming but my husband did invite her and she was a guest so I didn’t just want to be rude.
Lastly, people with the grammar, ai and spelling comments coming at me. I don’t know if the ai thing is a compliment or insult as ai is smart and the insult is that ai doesn’t always add up? I don’t know this is my that Reddit post.
Next, the grammar and spelling. My husband just told me that he has feelings for one of his friends and prioritized her over me. THE LAST thing I’m worried about is grammar and spelling but thanks for being so concerned about it, word girl.
Onto the update This whole thing has been going so fast. I mean, how could this all happen in literally 6 days. So that night of the whole blowing up phone and Sarah’s car being in the driveway I stayed at my mom house and I’m super grateful for her because she was an amazing support.
Jeff didn’t text me again that night but Sarah’s car did leave later that night. I’ve been trying to convince myself that he was just upset about me leaving and she was there to make him feel better but obviously that’s not what it is.
The next day, Jeff’s number had called me and I picked up but it was Sarah who was on the other line. She kept telling me how I was overreacting and trying to reassure me that Jeff was a good man.
She said it was selfish how I would let her starve just to keep a lunch for the next day and Jeff was just being kind. I told her about how Jeff told me that they had feelings and she confirmed it like it was nothing.
She only said something along the lines of “why wouldn’t I? He’s a good man”. She then told me if I was really gonna let that situation ruin our marriage (I wish this was fake because why the hell are you so desperate for a married man??)
I ended up just asking her why she had Jeff phone and she told me that was she there to comfort him (she had came back the next day after I saw her car on the ring camera). I just ended up hanging up on her.
I’ll be honest, this is where I may be a big dummy. I ended up staying at my mom’s house an extra day. I just needed one more day before i had to confront everything. Not once did Jeff check on me and it really did hurt because how could he just change like we didn’t spend 7 years together.
The next day on Monday I did go over there. I left my mom’s house around 9am and went back home and that’s when to my surprise I caught them. Also ps, I didn’t see her car in the driveway so I didn’t think she was still there but when I found them, they were asleep in our bed, half way naked.
In our bed, literally under where our wedding photo hung up and admittedly that was my breaking point. I raged and I ended up screaming which woke up both of them. She acts all big and bad during other moments but this time she just hurried and left like a coward.
I turned to my husband and what hurt the most is that he didn’t seem to care. He didn’t try to even defend himself just stood there staring at me. I started yelling at him, I yelled that I was gonna leave him and that I was packing my stuff but he did literally nothings!
That’s when he turned around and got something off the counter and he gave it to me. He had the nerve to serve ME divorce papers so obviously he’s been thinking about doing this but I don’t get why?
Like was this whole lunch thing, him calling her over after I left and then finding them in the bed together just a sick joke to get a laugh out? They’ve been friends for 3 years as that’s how long it’s been since his training. I don’t know for sure how long the affair was but if I had to guess I would say some years.
I just stared at him for a moment because not gonna lie I was gagged. He then just told me one thing “pack your junk and leave then.” I stood there for a moment just staring at the divorce papers. Soon I regained my composure and I signed them.
So we’re getting a divorce, a bit bummed I didn’t get the chance to initiate it but at least I don’t have to worry about it anymore. I had questions to ask him but honestly after that it was just silence until I left again.
I wanted to ask how long he had the divorce papers and why was he even prepared with divorce papers, I wanted to ask why play in my face and do all that just to divorce me? Is this like a taboo situation where him and Sarah thought it was so fun and sneaky to plan this behind my back or something?
I’m not worried about the divorce. luckily we have no kids, we don’t have a joint bank account so I’m good on money as I have my job and my grandparents add 200 every month not that I can move into a new place immediately but I have money.
For the meantime, I’m just gonna go to my grandparents house as it’s pretty big and they could use the help anyway. I’m definitely still sad but also very angry about the whole situation because it was just so stupid. Like genuinely how can villains like this exist? What did they even gain out of doing all that?
I do want to thank you everybody who messaged me kind things and also commented kind things, it’s super appreciated and it’s definitely something that’s making me feel better. This situation didn’t turn out the way I’d thought it be but at least me and him will be getting a divorce.
This update was pretty hard to write as I’m just experiencing yesterday all over again in my head and the whole thing just pisses me off. I would say that I’ll update if there’s more but hopefully there’s not as I want this chapter to be closed.
I know I seemed like such a doormat in my other post but I think seeing them in my bed, him with no reaction, & being served divorce papers was obviously what I needed to really not want this relationship to workout. I know I say this every single post but again please refrain on hating, I really can’t handle it right now so that’d be appreciated.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s second update:
I don't get why people get married to do this to someone. You are going through hell rn but with time and therapy you will be okay. I am glad you don't have kids and he showed you who he was. You are young, you will find someone worthy of you when you are ready. He is a POS and Sarah is too. They will get there's. I wish all the best for you.
You will be way! Better off without him! He more than likely will do the same to that girl too, I hope you find your happiness again and hopefully one day someone that truly loves and cares about you! Best wishes to you girl! ❤️
Sending you a hug…his reaction made me SO angry on your behalf. I’m stunned people can be so cold and conniving! I’m so sorry you’re going through this but your life WILL get better without that sociopath…a relationship built on lies won’t last.