Husband keeps wife on 'short leash' after she cheated. AITA?
AITA for keeping my wife on a short leash after she cheated on me?
My (30M) wife (31F) of 5 years cheated on me last year with her friend when she was out with her friend group. She used to this often, but always came back at around 12:00 am. But this time she came home very late (at around 5:00 am), and drunk, and I didn't press the issue that night.
She was distant, and didn't talk much to me afterwards the next few days, I only found out a couple days later when she confessed to cheating after I kept asking her why she was so cold to me.
I was shocked, I never liked the fact that she went out to bars and clubs, but she never gave me a reason to distrust her, until that night. I immediately grabbed a bag, packed some stuff, and left, she was begging me to talk about it, but I wasn't in the mood for it. I was angry, upset, sad, I know that I wasnt in the right head space for this kind of talk, so I stayed with a friend.
Fast forward a few days later, and I agreed to talk to her. She said she was so sorry and would never happen again, and that she would do anything to make me stay. I spent the time I was away thinking of staying or leaving, and I hate the fact that I still love her. We don't have kids together, but part of me still wanted to stay.
I gave her certain conditions if she wanted me to stay. The first one is to never see the man she cheated on me with ever again. The second was that I could see her phone or computer any time I wanted without having to ask. The last one was that she could no longer go out to bars or clubs without me. She agreed to all of this.
Over the last year, she's been estranged from her friend group because she can't go out with them without seeing the man she cheated on me with, and she hasn't really made any new friends.
I haven't checked her phone or computer either. I know she likes to go out, so I try my best to go with her when I have time, the bar and club scene was never my thing, but I try to enjoy it with her.
Things haven't been the same as before, and I've thought losing the "she can't go out without me" rule, but I keep thinking of what she did. I've explained this to my friend, and she said I should just divorce her if I can't trust her anymore.
I've thought about it, I wasn't as happy as I used to be, she says she's happy with me around, but she isn't as energetic as she used to be. So, AITA?
Here's what the top commenters had to say:
Electronic_Fox_6383 said:
Sorry, but your friend is right. Sounds like all trust is gone and you're just diminishing each other now. Let her go. NTA.
DrSigns said:
Y’all need to divorce. You both are on different pages for where you are in life, no point of trying to dictate what to do any further.
BoomerQuest said:
NTA. Your friend is right though. No kids, the relationship has changed, and she's 30 and still clubbing? Personally I'm way out.
Speedy89t said:
Your mistake was not immediately moving forward with a divorce.
Wllstrtscrrpt said:
Your friend is right. You can’t trust her. File that divorce and move on. Unfortunately it’s only a matter of time before she cheats again but she will hide it better this time. Or she will just say she is unhappy gaslight you saying you are controlling and leave you anyway.
JJQuantum said:
It takes time to build back trust. You need to ask yourself if you can ever fully trust her again, because your marriage will not last like it is. If you can then set a date and stick with it. If you can’t then your friend is right and you need to divorce her now, before either of your lives is wasted any more. NTA.