"AITA? Husband still has AP's picture up on his 'professional' social media site."

I can't believe I'm writing this, but like so many others I need some perspective. Today is my birthday, my 56th birthday to be exact. Eight months ago my husband (m 54) of 35 years left me because he and his affair partner (f 31) were busted by her husband (m about 35/36). He told me he was in love her. He also told me he had to figure out why he has done this “multiple” times.

At first he led me to believe he was coming clean because he felt so bad (“You’re a good person.” Don’t deserve this.) However, (he would reject this wording, but) after enough prodding and tears I learned that what had actually happened was her husband caught them, even recorded for their conversations both normal and sexually explicit ones and there was a giant messy scene.

He and his affair partner work together. We’ve been living apart since. She chose her husband and never left him. My husband was clearly heartbroken. He’ll say he was heartbroken about what he did to me.

But remember “multiple”, I know that he was never ever been this heartbroken over hurting me before (inappropriate female relationships or otherwise). I feel a lot of things —She’s not even as old as we have bee married. She’s younger than our daughter, a lot of THINGS . . .

I know, I know there will be a litany of I should have seen it coming or what is wrong with me. I probably deserve it. Truth is I love him and have my whole adult life. I also have very low self-esteem. But that’s not the question at hand, that I need your help.

One of the things he has done over the years if he did something that was insulting or upsetting to me, he would say “ask ten people none of them would be upset about it. you are the only one. So today, I’m asking EVERYBODY.

She did not follow suit and leave her husband. She chose her husband over mine. He’s been hinting and then saying he wants to get back together. I’ve been struggling, honestly it’s hard to even hear that cause i know it’s because she chose her husband. certainly in the beginning that’s what it was. However, He still has a profile picture with her on a “professional” social media account.

It’s not just her and him in the picture. There are other co-workers too but the picture was taken when they were having the affair and she is literally leaning in taking dead center of the photo. (It feels like here I am b!tch. Though, I'm sure in reality she wasn't thinking about me at all and neither was he.)

I’ve been waiting and waiting for him to take it down. I guess I thought it would be a sign that he was really over her or at least for once considering me. (He interacts with the site enough, that he didn’t forget about it.)

Today, as we were discussing things on my birthday (which I didn’t want to do but here we were), I blurted (yelled) out, “You still have her on your professional social media page. Eight months, and she is still there!!!!” The short version is he flipped out on me, said it was ridiculous that I was upset about it. He added the ask ten people, ask ten women, no one would be upset but you. So AITA for being upset?

What do you think? AITA for being upset about this? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

I'd be upset. I'd be pissed. I'd be talking to a divorce lawyer. Not only because of the picture but because he is a disrespectful AH and a cheater. He has no respect for you, OP. None at all if he was cheating on you with someone who could be his daughter. The only reason he is still around is because she didn't choose him. Choose yourself and stop wasting precious time being abused by this man.

[deleted] said:

Don’t take him back. Seriously. . . Why do people consider settling, especially when they are someone’s 2nd choice (or worse)?

LegalNebula4797 said:

He is either a moron lunatic or he is a master manipulator. Probably both. Tell your dumb hopefully soon to be ex husband that anyone would be offended by that and he looks like a pathetic loser with a photo of himself and someone who dumped his pathetic ass on his social media.

Seriously men like this creep have absolutely no shame. No standards. No integrity. Nothing. Please leave him. You WILL find better. He is not your final love and don’t let him take any more of your dignity.

[deleted] said:

It's better to be alone, than in a relationship and 'alone'.

And No_Question8961 said:

I would be upset and angry. This feels like he just wants you to get over it, without having done anything to restore your trust. He hasn’t chosen you, or reconciliation. Time to put yourself first and start talking to divorce lawyers. (Oh? And btw, if he asks, I think 10 people would also be upset that he pulled this on your birthday too.)

UPDATE:

I really just want to thank everyone who took the time out of their own lives to respond. It was so helpful to me. I did get overwhelmed. I think I expected little or no responses.

A little more background on my self-esteem issue if you’re interested. In a nutshell, two abusive parents. They’re both deceased. First boyfriend, abusive is a mild description. Everyone who was supposed to love me or said they did has hurt me. You think you are over that stuff, but it’s a part of me, I guess. He’s known that about me.

However, I am done with him (insert cheers and shouts here) in large part due to the help I got here. I think I knew it on some level. I haven’t allowed him to move back in no matter what he has said but I needed a push to accept that he isn’t going to change. I’m so thankful for all of you.

When he first started that “no one but you would be upset, ask ten people,” there wasn’t an outlet like this and I’m frankly quite shy so there was no way I was going to get validation. Something happened on my birthday (a new low, maybe) and with the ability to be anonymous I reached out and all of you helped me. I’m grateful.

He is really good at keeping up appearances and quit charming. Liked by everyone. I’ve done some reading and he seems like a classic narcissist. Everyone, will be surprised if they knew what he was really like. Because appearances and his career matter a great deal to him, I think I will use that to my advantage during the divorce. (Sign this or we go to court and expose your true self.)

If it’s a fight, I’ll do my best to be prepared. It may take a little more time than I would like, but my path is clear. I’m looking forward to deciding where in the country I want to live and start a new life of my own. Not his or my daughter’s life for that matter (She has her own family and life).

One where I make decisions/choices that I want because I want them. I’m in the North East and I can’t wait for milder weather somewhere. Thank you all so much!