'AITA for telling my husband he should have come to see me in the hospital?'
"AITA for telling my husband he should have come to see me in the hospital?"
My husband had just left for work and I was outside and ended up falling and breaking my ankle. It was very obviously broken and the first thing I thought to do was call my husband to come back. He came back within minutes and called an ambulance. When the ambulance took me, he said bye and to let him know any updates and he went to work.
Him going to work at this point i understood as he has his own business and it’s only him and another guy, plus it’s a broken ankle nothing worse. He texted me an hour later saying “call me when you get out i’ll pick you up” as if picking me up from work lol.
I planned to keep him in the loop via text as much as I could, and I’ll admit i was scared at one point because I didn’t have pulses in my foot so a bunch of people came into my room explaining they needed to reduce the fracture immediately. So they put me out while they did that, thankfully a kind nurse held my hand until I was asleep lol.
Once I was awake and back to baseline, I was in a hallway bed waiting for ortho who eventually came to me and said I’ll need surgery that night. I asked him to bring me some things but they wouldn’t let him in he tried but ended up leaving.
Once I was in a room it was late-ish but i told him visiting hours are 24/7 come whenever or tomorrow (bc we haven’t heard about when they were to do the surgery yet). He said ok he’ll stop by tomorrow but he has to go to the bank at 930 so he’ll see when he can come pick me up. I never said anything about picking me up lol. Anyway I said ok, i’ll keep you updated.
An hour later I text him i’m going into surgery. No answer. I text him when i’m awake after surgery. no answer (tbf it’s 1am lol). HOWEVER. I later learn he did not have his phone on ringer and the surgeon tried calling him, and he didn’t pick up.
Fast forward the next day he eventually picks me up in the early afternoon, and I learn he ended up not going to the bank or anything. He never came to the hospital to see me all morning or afternoon, only came to pick me up.
Anyway a week later i told him i was upset about him not being there or having his phone on (what if something in the surgery happened and she needed to reach him?).
He was sorry but didn’t know it was a big deal bc no one came to see him when he was in the hospital (which was before we even met, like 15 years ago). I said that I’m his wife, he should’ve been there at some point for me, i was scared, i had to have surgery!!!
Anyway he seemed upset that i was so upset with him which made me feel bad lol. AITA??
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA, not at all. Surgery is and anesthesia is ALWAYS risky, especially if you’re at the point where you’re calling an ambulance for a broken ankle (or maybe you’re just not American oop). He should have not only been there physically, but at the very least been a ring away as soon as he found out you would need it. And then to not follow up AT ALL? Until 12 hours AFTER?
You’re completely valid in feeling like he wasn’t there for you. Hell show him what I said, or put him in contact with me. I’ll lay into him for you. Completely dropped the ball as a spouse.
doyaeverjust OP responded:
to be more clear we did talk in the morning!! just never came to the hospital except to pick me up.
NTA. You cannot depend on this man. He is not acting like he loves or even cares about you. I'm confused by this part of the story "I asked him to bring me some things but they wouldn’t let him in he tried but ended up leaving."
Did he actually come to the hospital? Did he just lie? Even if they refused him entry, surely they would have taken the bag with the things you needed?
he sent me a picture of himself outside the ER entrance with the stuff the ER was crazy that night and as someone working in healthcare i get it that they didn’t let him in but also still f^%$#d they wouldn’t let him bring me the things at least.. This part I don’t fault him on at all honestly f^%$ that ER lol.
NTA. Think about this before you have a child with this man. Think long and hard.
thankfully i don’t want kids, but the thought of “thank god i won’t have kids with him” did cross my mind.
Marriage counseling if you want to save the marriage. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say if no one cares for him when he was in the hospital maybe he genuinely doesn’t understand the big deal, so you need to get him to understand and a professional will help with that. Otherwise resentment is just going to grow.
TBH sounds like he had a “the cat’s away so this mouse will play day”. He didn’t go to the bank and he didn’t have his phone’s ringer on… if visiting hours are 7/24 they probably didn’t turn him away either. NTA. Do you have kids because that’s the only reason he would have not to be there?
the ER is more annoying about visiting. it was veeerrrry busy so as fucked as it is i’m jot 100% surprised they didn’t let him in. he did send me a picture of the little bag he put the stuff in outside the entrance so I know he tried to