"AITA for treating my husband the same way he treated me when I was in the hospital?"

AITA, my husband recently had a kidney stone and two trips the ER. I have had health problems my self and have spent many times in the ER and have been hospitalized too. When I had to go to the ER because I was really sick, throwing up, severe abdominal pain. My husband said I probably just had a stomach bug. He was upset cause he had to get up early in the morning for work.

So my father in law came to the hospital so I could get a ride home. Before my husband left, the ER doctor came in and said I needed immediate surgery. Turns out I had a bad obstruction. I spent two weeks in the hospital. During that time my husband barely came to see me.

I asked if he could bring me some soup from the Thai restaurant across the street (because the food at the hospital was really really bad.) he said no. When he would visit he would grab the remote and watch one of his news shows. He would also lower the temp in the room to his liking. He could have taken off from work but he didn’t. My father in law came to visit almost every day.

So when he had a medical issue I decided that he should be treated the same way he treated me. I went and visited, changed the channel on the TV, played on my phone etc. unfortunately only the nurse could adjust the temp in the room. But I did bring him underwear and socks. He wanted me to bring him food, I said no. He wanted to go to a restaurant on the way home, I said no.

Soon as we got home, I changed clothes and then went out with my girlfriends for delayed birthday outing. I spent my birthday with him at the ER. He complained that I was leaving him to go out. But now apparently I’m selfish for treating him this way. During his time in the hospital not once did I complain to him.

I work two jobs and I also take classes at the local university. I was able to take off work with no problem and was able to get an extension on my assignments that were due. So AITA for (pardon the pun) giving him a taste of his own medicine?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

MLGorewh@re said:

NTA. Now, I KNOW ppl are gonna be like, “omg! Wah! You both are awful people and this is gross!!” But honestly? I loathe it when partners downsize the others pain, but once it comes to them being in pain/sick, they expect their SO (who they neglect) to take care of them with the utmost care.

Some people need to be treated like this so they can get a hint and change. They either realize their sh!tty ways, or you pack up and leave because they choose to stay the same. We don’t know WHY OP is with their partner or how much they love each other. Regardless, I think OP is valid right now. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[deleted] said:

Would I have done the same thing - yes, when I was younger. ESH, him for obvious reasons. You for, well...this all took so much energy. If you don't like each other, it's time to move on. If I've learned one thing from the pandemic is that toxic drama is just not worth it.

hey-demons-its-me-ya said:

Did he deserve it? Absolutely Yes. Was this a healthy and productive way to go about it? Probably not. Did you talk to your husband about the way he treated you in the hospital (I.e how horrific and disgusting it was)?

Like it was good revenge, but if you want this relationship to improve (which maybe you don’t, if you’re done with him that’s perfectly reasonable) this isn’t going to help. Sounds like y’all might need couples counselling if you want to stay together.

And NotThisAgain21 said:

You may need to actually explain to this idiot that you're just treating him the way he treated you.

She later shared this update:

I confronted him, he apologized. He said he thinks it’s weird that people come visit others in the hospital. I personally think it may have something to do with his mother. Other times he has gone to the hospital was because a relative was dying, and the family was called in. I was wrong to treat him this way.

When he got sick, I made him go to the ER. I stayed there the entire time, didn’t complain that I had to go to work. I helped set him up once we were back at home and moved my work meeting to virtual instead of in person. I did the same with my clients. I also apologized for being an AH but also admitted that I was still angry.