'AITA for wanting to see my wife give birth to our daughter instead of being grossed out?' UPDATED
"AITA for wanting to see my wife give birth to our daughter instead of being grossed out?"
Me (24m) and my wife (27f) have been married since mid 2023. She's pregnant with our 1st child. Her due date is tomorrow. Throughout her pregnancy until the weekend before last, she has been vague about her not wanting to be in the delivery room. She wants her sister (31f) in there.
With the last few months, I have watched videos of women giving birth. It doesn't weird me out. It seems nice to see the beginning of life. So with that, the weekend before last, I asked my wife if she's sure that she doesn't want me in the delivery room.
She got upset with me. She said it's being to be embarrassing for her. That she's going to p^%p on the table, people will see her body, and that she'll be sweating. She said she's doing me a favor by not letting me see all that.
She said I'm either lying that I want to see all that or I'm some kind of sick freak. She said no normal husband really wants to see the birthing process. That normal husbands want to see their baby and wife after both get cleaned up.
I took no as an answer, but she's still upset that I even asked. I know she's sensitive about her pregnancy weight gain, and her pregnancy looks in general. I'm new to this, so I don't know. Do fathers usually want to see the birthing process ? Am I a sick freak that I legitimately want to see ? Was I weird for asking to see ? Am I the a$%#ole ?
Here's what advice people had for OP:
Nah. It’s really difficult for some women to lose control over their bodies and privacy. You are obviously a thoughtful husband and certainly not an a$&%^le and while sick freak was a bit over the top, she’s under a lot of stress right now.
Mountain-Love-1926 OP responded:
I think she looks more beautiful now than she did before. I have never told her that because I don't think she'll believe me. She doesn't believe me when I just simply tell her that I think she looks beautiful.
She has definitely lost control over her body during all of this. She has pregnancy acne and a pregnancy nose. She gained over 40 pounds. She's gassy. I feel bad that she thinks she's ugly and gross. I know women are under a lot of pressure by the media to look a certain way.
I will not pressure her. I will try my best to avoid adding stress to her. She's so close to doing one of the most stressful thing a human being can do. She doesn't need to worry about anything else.
I want her to know that I love her, I appreciate her, I'll support her, and I think she's beautiful as she is. Maybe my wife needs therapy. Maybe I need to try harder. Whatever it takes, I'll be there for her.
Tell her what you just wrote: "I think she looks more beautiful now than she did before. I have never told her that because I don't think she'll believe me. She doesn't believe me when I just simply tell her that I think she looks beautiful."
Mountain-Love-1926 OP responded:
I can try after she delivers our daughter. If my wife hasn't believed my compliments the past few months, I wouldn't expect her to believe me on the day before her due date.
NTA... it's actually nice that you want to see your child coming into this world, and it won't gross you out. She went a bit far with her words... hopefully that's just the insecurities talking.
At the very least, maybe you can convince her to let you be by her head, holding her hand. It would be a shame for you to have to stay out of the room and miss that magical moment.
Mountain-Love-1926 OP responded:
I've already asked if I can be just by her head. She said no to that too. Hopefully, it's just insecurity.
out of curiosity, did you at any point tell your wife you were watching labor and delivery videos so you weren't "grossed out" when she was delivering your baby?
Mountain-Love-1926 OP responded:
I did tell her.
oh buddy, i don't think you had bad intentions but that was the wrong move.
Your wife calling you a sick freak for wanting to be there, and then comparing you to a "normal husband" is not okay. I hope she doesnt speak to you this way often.
Mountain-Love-1926 OP responded:
Things were fine before she started looking really pregnant. This is a new side to her.
Mountain-Love-1926 OP posted:
BABY TIME !!!!!!!!!! Or a false alarm.
The next day OP returned with this update:
This is one of the happiest updates in history. Me (24m) and my sister-in-law (31f) were alerted when my wife (27f) had appearantly felt some pain. My wife was so sure that she wasn't in labor but me and SIL were cautiously optimistic. We promised my wife that if it was a false alarm, we would buy her cheesecake.
At the hospital, my wife talked to her favorite doctor (42f). My wife seemed so shocked when doc said it was labor. My wife actually wanted both me and her sister to be with her.
The labor and birth were smoother than even my most hopeful mental image of how this would be. It was fast, and there were no complications. It seems like our daughter was determined to come out before the due date. My wife allowed both me and SIL to help. I saw everything.
I saw our daughter for the 1st time. This tiny wrinkled weird-looking thing is beautiful. My wife looked so happy. It felt like me and her were us again. I told her how beautiful, wonderful, strong, brave, and motherly she was. She actually accepted that compliment. She decided to name our daughter after her sister.
Despite how smooth and amazing the labor and birth were, I will still look out for PPD. I will still encourage my wife to see therapy given how intense her body image issues were from month 3 of pregnancy. I hope she will accept couples counseling. I do understand that her intense happiness at the birth doesn't mean she'll continue to be this happy.
This was the most love I ever felt for her. What she did was amazing. I'm so glad that she had actually trust me to see that. I love our daughter so much, more than I thought I could love anyone. My wife is now 2nd place but obviously I still love her very much. I couldn't ask for more.
Here's what people had to say after the update:
This is great news! You're NTA. Enjoy this special time with your family.
Mountain-Love-1926 OP responded:
Thank you. I was scared that she wouldn't enjoy the birth but she was so happy.
This is such wonderful news! Your wife will need your love and support as she recovers and adjusts to motherhood. Be patient, understanding, and offer help whenever you can.
Congrats! Now go get that cheesecake—she earned it, and so did you.
She'll definitely get cheesecake.