'My husband's family are staying at our house for 3 weeks and I'M LOSING MY MIND. AITA?'
"My husband's family are staying at our house for 3 weeks and I'M LOSING MY MIND. AITA?"
I'm one week into this nightmarish situation and I've already contracted laryngitis and completely lost my voice due to the stress of having my mother in law, sister in law, her 12 year old son and their two sheepdogs come to stay with us.
We also have 2 medium sized dogs and a small garden so it is absolute chaos. They invited themselves to our house for Christmas and my husband allows them to stay for as long as they want. This will be my MIL'S 4th visit to our house this year.
On one of her visits she stayed for over a month. Unfortunately I've come to the sad realization that my husband is completely incapable of setting boundaries with any member of his family. It may have to do with the fact that he is the youngest of four siblings.
"So far this week, his family have come into our house and:"
rearranged my plants in the garden because apparently they felt it would not grow well where it was,
taken our dogs water bucket without asking and rearranged the area where they eat
constantly leave our gate open, allowing our dogs run out into the street,
haven't offered to cook a single meal and expect my husband to do all the cooking, plus pick up the bill when we eat out.
my SIL's dogs have chewed up all our dogs toys which is fine, but she didn't bring anything for her dogs to chew and hasn't offered to replace anything.
they also constantly push boundaries with my toddler and try to convince him to do things he's not comfortable with (I step in pretty quickly but even when I set a boundary they dont abide by it which leaves me constantly repeating myself, waiting for my words to sink in)
My husband has told me he is stressed out because he doesn't want to have to "micro-manage his family" in order to keep me happy. I've snapped at him once for not making more of an effort to get them to respect the fact that this is our house and to be more mindful of living in our space, but I really think he just lacks the skills to communicate with them or he is afraid of what they will say.
Please tell me I am not the a-hole for feeling this way? Am I being to sensitive here? #aita
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA, the f^&%$ is wrong with them?
Past-Profit-614 OP:
This thought has definitely crossed my mind!
NTA, and honestly, your husband needs to step up. It's not "micro-managing" to ask for basic respect in your own home. You're dealing with an unreasonable amount of chaos, and it's time for him to back you up before you lose more than your voice.
Tell hubby to step up and grow a backbone
You're both doormats who are suffering due to a situation created by your spinelessness. Talk (or write!) to your husband, who can surely see the physical effect this is having on you. Work out some hard boundaries that you both agree with.
Enforce these hard boundaries with the IL's. Kick them out if they don't agree. For starters stop spending your money on buying them restaurant meals ffs. Never agree to host them again. If your husband doesn't agree, leave. I'm serious. Leave the house, take your toddler and what you need, and don't go back before they are gone.
I SO wish that my ex-husband and I could have stood up to his family (of origin) but he just "couldn't". My ex was raised to be the peace maker in his family. The whole dynamic was too ingrained to save our family. I hope this helps you.
No more eating out! And tell hubby that the next time they ask to stay he has to repeat the following, ‘Let me just check that’s ok with wife’. NTA
Past-Profit-614 OP:
Thank you for this. Yes, I would love to be consulted. I dont like watching people take advantage of my husband, he is a really kind and generous person.
On the contrary, he sounds to be kind and generous to everyone BUT you. I know people that were married to such.
He's a doormat and a people pleaser. That can look like kindness and generosity from the outside, but it is neither. It's actually cowardice, fear and lack of self-worth.
Why do you put up with this s$^%?