'AITA for telling my half-sister if she dies before I turn 18 then she isn't my sister anymore?'
"AITA for not apologizing for making my half sister cry?"
Technical_Figure7371 writes:
My half-sister is 11, and I'm 15. My parents divorced when I was really young, and my dad got my half-sister's mom pregnant a while after. They didn't get together for real until my half-sister was 3, and then my mom died, so I went to live with the three of them, and my dad had more kids with my half-sister's mom.
I don't know why, but 2 or 3 years ago, my half-sister started telling me I was dumb and stupid and that her mom was my mom, and it was weird for me to talk about someone else being my mom. I told my dad, and he went and talked to her, but it didn't help. She got worse. She said my mom was just some dead woman and that her mom was my mom. I told my dad more times, and he talked to her more times, but it didn't help.
So last week, she said the same stuff again, and I told her I have a mom and she died, but she's my real mom, not hers. She said she isn't my real mom because she didn't die before I was an adult and that made her mom my mom. She called me a dumba%@ for not understanding that it works that way.
So I told her that if she died before I turned 18, she wouldn't be my real sister anymore, and I'd remember that so I wouldn't call her that anymore. She started crying, and her mom heard and asked what had happened.
She told her what I said, and her mom told me I didn't need to be a jerk and that she's only 11. I said she said my mom wasn't my real mom because she died before I was 18, so I'm just making sure she knows the same will be true if she dies.
When my dad got home, he talked to us both, and then he asked me to apologize and to understand why I was wrong. He said she's younger than me and that I really hurt her feelings. I said I didn't care about her feelings since she doesn't care about mine. He told me she still has more learning to do and that if I don't apologize, this will always be between us, even when she does learn.
I didn't apologize, and my dad's disappointed but said he accepted my stance. My half-sibling’s mom, though? She's saying I need to be grounded for not apologizing and for not caring that I hurt my half-sister. AITA?
Here are the top rated comments.
ThatOneGirlyx05 says:
NTA. Although I suspect that she's heard it from your stepmom. I could be wrong, obviously, but in my experience kids repeat whatever they've heard from their parents, especially such a hateful thing.
Usual-Canary-7764 says:
OP needs to flip it on stepmom: how many times has step sister apologized for hurting my feelings and how many times has she apologized? What's good for the goose is good for the gander. NTA OP. Sorry for your loss. Never forget your mom. And the best way to honor the dead I have found, is to remember them out loud.
Shawon770 says:
Sounds like family dynamics: always making you the villain when you call out the plot holes in their version of the story.
MrElltel says:
NTA. Your half sister repeatedly disrespected your late mom despite being told to stop, and while your response was harsh, it was a reaction to her cruelty; an apology should come after she acknowledges how deeply she hurt you first, not just because she’s younger. Your dad’s right that this rift won’t heal without mutual understanding—but that starts with her learning empathy, not you swallowing your grief to keep the peace.
OP responded:
I don't know if my dad's going to do everything he can to make her learn it. From what I can see he expects me to compromise and make it seem okay. But it really isn't. And it's not bringing us closer together like my half sister wants but it's making me want to spend as little time as possible with her.