'AITA for splurging on myself after my wife said no? It's my money she's just a SAHM!'
"AITA? I splurged and bought me something after my wife told me no."
Sad-Long4048 writes:
I (38M) and my wife (35F, I'll just call her Kelly) have been together for 9 years, married for 5, and we have 2 kids. Recently, I've been getting into sim racing (mainly Assetto Corsa). For some context, I am a long-distance trucker working 50+ hour weeks, making around $170k a year. I'm usually home on Sundays, but that's not always the case.
When I am home, I usually try to do something with the family, but since I've found this new hobby, I've been spending more time there. Kelly hasn't liked it, as I am not home much, so when I am, she wants family time, which is perfectly understandable. Yet since I can't race while working, I really don't have any time except for when I'm home.
Within the last year, she has wanted a hot tub and a new car. I've bought her both since money's not an issue, and they would be nice. So about 2 weeks ago, I brought up the idea that since no one ever rides with me in my truck, I could install a sim rig in the passenger seat.
I've seen it done before and thought it would be the best of both worlds, as I could race when not driving, and when home, we could have family time. She immediately shot down the idea, saying it's "just gonna be a huge waste of money."
So without her knowing, I took off last Monday and Tuesday to have my friend, who builds custom sim rigs, build one into my passenger seat. After everything was done and bought (rig, PC, wheel, shifter, monitors, etc.), it came to around $3,700, nothing compared to what went into her $5,000 hot tub and $39,000 car. Everything is collapsible, so I can see while driving, so it is not a driving hazard and doesn't affect her at all.
When I came home this Sunday and she saw it, she went ballistic, cussing me out and leaving me to walk home. I park my truck at my shop, and Kelly usually picks me up and drives me home.
After a 40-minute walk, I made it home to see she had taken the kids to her mother's and wanted to talk about making smart financial decisions. This made me mad, as we have a large savings account and emergency fund, so what's wrong with me spending my hard-earned money to splurge a bit on myself?
She is a stay-at-home mom, and it has been that way since we met. I do all I can to make sure she has everything she needs and is happy, but I can't have a sim rig to relax and have some fun with the boys? AITA?
Here are the top rated comments.
Usrname52 says:
ESH, leaning towards YTA. It definitely sounds like I make the money, while she's only a SAHM.....so "I buy her things". If you don't think being a SAHM is a financially good decision for your family anymore, it's a discussion to have together. Big purchases should be discussed with both of you. If you didn't think the hotel tub was a good idea or that a cheaper car allowed more savings, that's a discussion to have.
scranston says:
When you're racing on the road, is that during the legally mandated rest time? My main question is "are you racing instead of sleeping?". I know that fatigue it's a serious issue for truck drivers and i bet your wife really wants you to stay alive. Also, did you check that having the rig in the front seat is legal in all states you drive in? Some places don't allow screens that can play videos to be viewable from the driver's seat.
OP responded:
Its fully legal for where I go and I take down the monitors when I drive so its not a driving hazard. I usually race during loading/unloading since that could take a while at times and I don't race during sleeping hours.
crispylippers says:
If you’re spending $40k on a car it’s obviously from a place of luxury and not necessity.
OP responded:
The new car wasn't needed at all, she had a perfectly fine 2014 Toyota camry to get her and the kids around with enough space, she wanted something bigger and nicer since we had the money, which is fine and understandable. so we did, I'm spending a fraction of the price for me to enjoy my hobby while also having more family time, the best of both worlds IMO.
I don't think all the moneys mine since my name is on the paycheck, its a marriage therefore its not mine its ours.. I just think if I saved up and splurged a bit on myself so that she can get the family time she wants and I can get the gaming time I want, its perfectly fine.