'AITA for telling my friend she can't comment on my body because she's had plastic surgery?'
My friend was trying to body shame me so I commented on her plastic surgery.
marposta writes:
For a little backstory: I (23f) have a "friend" Maddie (24f) who has had plastic surgeries since she was 18 years old (she had the fourth one this past summer). I don't care about it; it's her body, and she can do with it whatever she wants.
For my part, I haven't had any plastic surgeries, but I've been going to the gym since I was 20 to try to get the body I want (I mention this because it's important for the story). The problem was yesterday. I was wearing a cropped top, and even though I'm not fat, I don't have a flat stomach.
We were on a break between classes when my friend "Maddie" made the following comments: "Don't you have too much stomach for that top?" "You should eat less." "I'm sure you lie about going to the gym."
These three comments were separated by other kinds of conversations, so I handled them well. But this last one caught me by surprise: "Look at me, I eat whatever I want, I don't go to the gym, and that top would look way better on me."
So my response was: "liposuction, a breast and butt job, and your new lips... Too many plastic surgeries to talk about others, don't you think?"
She got really mad, saying that I have no right to talk to her like that, and she is not talking to me anymore. The rest of the group is not mad at me, but they think I should have been the adult and kept quiet. So... AITA?
OP provided some context:
I wrote "friend" instead of friend because she is not really a friend. She goes to class with us, she doesn't have any friends, so she follows us around during the breaks between classes or at lunch.
Also, I had an eating disorder in my teenage years. I don't usually talk about this (my friends don't know it), but she once overheard a phone call I had with my father about it, so she knows that body image is a difficult topic for me.
OP responded to some comments:
stophittingthyself says:
NTA (Not the A^#@ole). Why is the group OK with this girl bullying you?!Damn, your friends suck, I'm sorry.
OP responded:
They're not ok with it, but we only see her at class, so they prefer to stay quiet. She also has this kind of comments with the rest of them (different topics), but I exploded yesterday.
Secret-Hole-8042
NTA. If you gonna extensively modify your body with cosmetic surgery. you ain't in a position to judge others, because you're already deeply unhappy with how you look. I think she's maybe projecting a lil.
OP responded:
Maybe, I don't know. It's true that her first surgery was the breast job, and I really like my chest, so I usually wear a neckline if it's not too cold. Maybe that starts a fire inside her?
Mission_Carrot7391 says:
NTA. Firstly...Your "friend" should not be saying these things to you, i advice you to keep her at arm's distance for your sanity. Secondly, It should have been your other "friends" to intervene and tell her off. Lastly, I love your response, lol, next time you can simply say "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones at others" without referring to her cosmetic procedures.
OP responded:
My friends (real friends) are by my side, but we have had the politic of "stay quiet, we only have to be with her 2h per week in total" for like... 2-3 years, so they tried to maintain that. Never thought about that answer because it's not a saying in my first language, but yes, that's a perfect come back.
Gingeralekangaroo says:
I think if she made those rude comments about your body first then your response was entirely justifiable. It seems like you have a toxic relationship with this person where your bodies are the subject. Doesn’t seem like a good friend to have
What do you think?