'AITA for not celebrating my birthday with my wife after she cancelled our honeymoon?' UPDATED

"AITA for not celebrating my birthday with my wife after she cancelled our honeymoon?"

InterestGenerals writes:

My wife (32F) and I (33M) got married a couple of months ago, and my wife went on a solo trip to Europe. She had always wanted to do a solo trip but never had the time because of work. However, she used our honeymoon time for her solo trip.

I wanted to accompany her, but she said she needed this for her mental health, and I ultimately agreed, even though I was sad about it. She thanked me many times for being understanding. I put it in the back of my mind and tried not to think too much about it because I was really excited about our wedding.

The wedding was great, and my wife left for her trip to Europe the next day. I really missed my wife, and it affected my mental health. My wife came back home on my birthday last Thursday, but I was out of town celebrating it with my sibling (31F). When my wife texted me asking where I was, I told her I would come back on the weekend.

I came back home on Sunday feeling extremely happy, but my wife said she wished she could have celebrated my birthday with me because she had planned something special. I told her I definitely would from next year, but this year, I needed to celebrate it with someone else for my mental health. Was I the AH?

OP added some context:

For people that may misunderstand what I have asked. I did not ask if my wife was wrong in taking the trip. I asked if I was wrong to not celebrate my birthday with her. My wife did go on a solo trip, we were in constant contact, and she had a blast there; she had a lot of fun. We FaceTimed each other every night.

However, I did miss her badly, and I am thankful my sister got me out of my funk. In the process, I sort of ghosted my wife. I sent only a couple of texts when she landed home and when she wished me a happy birthday.

I barely responded to her texts in the following days and did not pick up any of her calls until I got back home on Sunday. Since I've come home, she has been feeling a bit down, and I am feeling a bit guilty about it.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Agitated-Buy8146 says:

NTA (Not the A^@$ole) but why the f^&$ did you marry her?

bored-panda55 says:

NTA - she used your honeymoon for herself and then gets upset that you spent time with someone who is there for you. This would be different if it was just a random trip she took on her own and not her replacing a trip that is meant to be your private wedding celebration. Glad you spent your birthday with someone who wants to be around you.

2npac says:

So your new wife left for Europe by herself for 2+ months the day after you got married? She couldn't have split that time up with you? Do a couple weeks solo and then have you meet her? Sounds fishy AF. Why did she even get married if she still needs to do the solo thing? Makes zero sense.

Adshot8713 says:

She’s not really married to you. Think about it. She got through the wedding and … left. Didn’t want to do a honeymoon but wanted to get out of town alone? I’m guessing she didn’t go alone. This is a gigantic waving red flag. It seems nuts to me.

After the initial post OP added this edit:

I think people are misunderstanding what I have asked. I did not ask if my wife was wrong in taking the trip. I asked if I was wrong to not celebrate my birthday with her. My wife did go on a solo trip, we were in constant contact and she had a blast there, she had a lot of fun. We FaceTimed each other every night.

However, I did miss her badly, and I am thankful my sister got me out of my funk, but in the process, I sort of ghosted my wife. I sent only a couple of texts when she landed home and when she wished me happy birthday.

And I barely responded to her texts the next few days and did not pick up any of her calls till I got back home on Sunday. But ever since I've come home, she has been feeling a bit down and I am feeling a bit guilty about it.

Later OP came back with an actual update:

So yes, reading the comments, I do now realize that my wife taking a trip to Europe right after our wedding was just not good. I still love my wife and we have been together for more than a decade.

But I am now having second doubts, also because my family never really liked her, but I always ignored what they said because I was probably too in love. I showed the Reddit post to my wife and all the comments, and she didn’t have much to say. She only apologized and said it was insensitive of her to take that trip.

I told her I wanted a temporary break. I work remote so I can work from anywhere in the country. I am flying out to my sister's house next week, and will probably stay there for at least a month. I told my wife I just need some space from her.

• My wife was pretty shocked, but I told her that ever since she's come home, she's just been a downer even though she had an amazing trip, and I need some time away from her.