'AITA for not sharing any of my baby's gifts with my in-laws because it's my tradition?'
"AITA for not telling my in-laws about the gifting tradition for my baby's celebration, additionally not sharing the gifts with them."
Few-Art-7990 writes:
For context, the baby's 100th day is celebrated in my culture with a small party; essentially, family and friends gather between the 4th and 6th month of age. At this point, the infant takes her first mouthful of solid food and selects an item that is presumably meant to predict her future self. (It’s stupid but fun—e.g., my daughter chose a pen, so we think she will be interested in studying.)
Additionally, everyone brings gifts for the baby. Family usually gives gold, and friends give baby products. I've been with my husband for six years, and I can tell you that his family doesn't really like me.
For the first four years of our relationship, I put a lot of effort into it, but once we were engaged and his family wasn't too enthusiastic, I gave up. Even though we still get together for celebrations, birthdays, and other events, I no longer make an effort to speak with them. (When we got engaged, my husband assured me that I didn't have to put in a lot of effort to win his family's approval, so I quit.)
My in-laws haven't had a major role in our lives since we got married; we only see them 4 or 5 times a year. Since they haven't seen our baby yet, I invited them to this celebration. They were hesitant, attempting to argue that this isn't how we do things in our family and that we don't understand your foreign culture. I politely told them that it was their choice whether or not they wanted to see their grandchild, and I wouldn't force them to.
Last week, there were around 50 people to celebrate my beautiful child, most of whom were from my side of the family. Everything was nice and pleasant, and my MIL, FIL, and SIL arrived as well. After that, it was time for the presents. As previously said, every member of my family gave my child a gold earring, necklace, bracelet, or coin.
At the party, my in-laws began to remark that it was a waste of money to give gold to a small child, but nobody listened. They then criticized me for not telling them that my family would spend so much money and accused me of making them look bad.
I apologized, explaining that it was simply part of our tradition and that I thought they wouldn't be interested because they had never been. They complained to my husband—he ignored them—but they still wouldn’t stop.
It started off as them accusing me of trying to make them look bad, and now they are demanding that I give them some of the gold, claiming my daughter has no use for it and it’s meant to be shared with family.
When my husband and I stopped picking up their calls, my SIL posted on Instagram and Facebook about child cruelty because our 6-month-old daughter has her ears pierced and wears small earrings. I get that it's not common in the US, which is why everyone now thinks I am torturing my baby.
The thing is, I feel like I am not in the wrong, but when I read all the comments about me being a horrible parent and using my baby to make money, it just feels bad. I am posting this to see if everyone thinks the same, I guess?
Here are the top rated comments from the post.
RhubarbGoldberg says:
NTA. Go no contact for a while.
Cursd818 says:
NTA. They're gold diggers who are actively trying to steal from an infant. Don't give them a second thought, and block them. Ignore them. Your daughter doesn't need them, seeing as she has such a wonderful family on your side.
Straight_Coconut_317 says:
NTA. They were not interested in your family customs or your daughter until it reflected on their public image. And to suggest that you give your daughters gold to them, a greedy bastards, I would just stop listening to them.
ThatWhichLurks782 says:
NTA and they should be embarrassed trying to take gifts away from a baby. Shame on them.