'AITA for telling my daughter her boyfriend isn't allowed over when we're eating?'
"AITA for telling my daughter her boyfriend isn't allowed over when we're eating?"
Ok-Towel4975 writes:
My daughter has been dating this guy for a couple of months. One day he was going to hang out, watch movies, and have pizza. We ordered extra pizza to ensure we had enough for him, and as soon as I got home with it, he walked out without even saying goodbye, which we thought was rude.
On another occasion, we invited him to a restaurant to celebrate a special event for my daughter. He ordered food but didn't eat and spent most of the dinner in the bathroom.
Finally, we spent the day out with him and stopped for food. We were all famished. I encouraged him to order something, my treat, along with everyone else, and he refused. Then he just sat there awkwardly watching everyone eat. It made me very uncomfortable because I don't like people watching me eat.
I told my daughter that I think he's been pretty rude, but she likes him, so she thinks his behavior is no big deal. A little while later, my daughter informed us that he has an issue eating in front of people. So I said, "Well, that's fine, but then he doesn't need to hang around at mealtimes because it makes me uncomfortable eating in front of someone who isn't eating with us."
Now my daughter is mad, saying that I'm discriminating against his disability and that I wouldn't treat someone else like that if they had a disability. Am I the a&%$ole for not wanting him around at mealtimes?
Here are the top comments:
Does he just stare at you while you eat? Does he engage in the conversation at all? How much pressure do you put on him to order food and eat?
Ok-Towel4975 OP responded:
Staring.., he did the last time, enough it made me think I had food all over my face. Conversation, sure until the food comes, but then we were mostly eating and there wansnt much talking. How much pressure…The pizza, none.
I was told he would be there for it so I got extra and he just left when I got there. The dinner…none. He was invited. He was encouraged to order whatever he wanted. He got a hamburger then basically ghosted when the food showed and came back at the end. The day out... I thought it was a money thing and so I insisted that he order something to snack on, my treat, but he refused.
Then he sat across from me and basically stared at me while I ate until I asked if he could go get some napkins because my food was messy. Then I found out, about a week or two later that he has this issue and that I hurt his feeling by insisting he get something to eat.
sixoo6 writes
If someone has a phobia of eating in front of others but otherwise still wants to hang with the gang during meal times, forcing them out of the dinner table is unnecessarily harsh.
Would you force someone away from the table if they just had dental work and can't eat, or if there was any compelling physical reason why they wouldn't be able to join in the meal? Somehow I doubt it. Just being "uncomfortable" with someone not eating at the table isn't a good enough reason to tell them to leave.
Thewhilrwindblitz says:
Good luck to that dude because that sounds like a horrible way to live. I think NTA because he ordered food at the special event, presumably you paid for it, and then didn’t eat it. Did he take it home? And not communicating why he’s leaving the room is weird and yeah I would find it rude too.
This is the sort of disability that he should get therapy for until he can eat in front of others comfortably. Like he spent a special evening in the bathroom. Why? If he wasn’t eating then what was the problem? You mentioned he sits there awkwardly. Does he talk to people?
Unhappy-Prune-9914 says:
NTA - It's ok if he has this phobia/disability but what's not ok is the fact that he doesn't communicate anything about it but will sit in the bathroom or order food and then not eat it. This is rude behavior. Not sure why he has to be there at mealtimes if he's not going to eat anyway. Why can't he come over before or after meals?
Ambitious-Writer-825 says:
Lemme get this straight: Her boyfriend has issues with food and other people so you suggest that visiting should not be at those times so everyone can be comfortable? And your daughter has issues with this? What is her solution?
Unless you're eating 24/7, there should be many hours he can visit. NTA. Actually your daughter is the asshole here. I bet if you talk to the boyfriend he'd be happy with this plan. I doubt he wants to be in these situations any more than you do.
What do you think?