'AITA for not wanting to support my late brother's kids because they're his mistakes?'
"AITA for refusing to support my brother's kids after he passed away?"
npmrundev_ writes:
I (38M) have always had a complicated relationship with my younger brother, “Jake” (34M). Growing up, we were never close. Jake was the golden child in the family, and I was always expected to support him, help him out, and "be there" for him, even when he made terrible decisions.
He was always the reckless one—dropping out of college, getting into trouble, and having kids he couldn’t really afford with multiple women. Five months ago, Jake tragically passed away in a car accident, leaving behind three kids with two different women.
It was devastating for the family, but I can’t say Jake’s life choices didn’t contribute to some of his struggles. He had no life insurance, no savings, and left his kids in pretty bad shape financially.
My parents, who are both retired and living on a fixed income, asked me to step up and help support Jake’s kids. I’m financially stable—well-off even. I run my own business, and my wife and I don’t have kids of our own, so we live pretty comfortably.
My parents think it’s my responsibility to take over for Jake now that he’s gone. They’ve been pressuring me to set up college funds for his kids, help with their living expenses, and even contribute to their mothers' bills, as both women are struggling to make ends meet.
Here’s the thing: I don’t want to. It sounds harsh, but I feel like I’m being asked to pay for Jake’s mistakes. I don’t have a relationship with these kids, and I barely had one with Jake. I’ve spent my whole life cleaning up his messes, and now that he’s gone, I feel like I’m finally free of that obligation.
I didn’t ask him to have multiple kids with no plan for their future. My wife agrees with me, and she feels like we shouldn’t have to sacrifice our financial freedom because of my brother’s poor decisions.
But now, my family is furious with me. They’re calling me heartless, saying I’m abandoning my own blood, and that Jake’s kids will end up in poverty without my help. Some of my friends think I’m being too cold and should at least help a little, even if I don’t go all-in.
I get that these kids didn’t ask to be born into this situation, but I also don’t think it’s my responsibility to fix everything just because I’m the one with money. My wife and I worked hard to get where we are, and I feel like we shouldn’t be expected to give that up for decisions we didn’t make. So, AITA for refusing to financially support my late brother’s kids, even though I can afford it?
Here are the top comments:
vtsunshine83 says:
What about the mothers? The children are their responsibility.
Traditional-Neck7778 says:
Those kids have a mother and are eligible for ssi to compensate financially for their deceased father. It is up to their mom's to manage their finances.
ERVetSurgeon says:
NTA. Your parents can do it if they want to but it is not your responsibility. They enabled your brother for years so now they can pay the price for his poor choices in life.
Odd_Welcome7940 says:
NTA. It's disgusting when parents don't facilitate good sibling bonds and later just expect siblings to support each other once the parents get old. Nope, that isn't how this works. Tell your parents to get a God damn job if they are so concerned and clean up their own mess.