'AITA for exposing my ex-fiance's mistress 12 years later to her new husband? UPDATED'
"AITA for exposing my ex-fiancé mistress 12 years later?"
throwawayfiancecheat writes:
Twelve years ago, I (36F) was engaged and about to get married to Karl (fake name). Everything in my life seemed perfect until I found out my fiancé was having an affair with a new hire at his job, Camilla (20sF). Both of them were in serious relationships.
I broke off the engagement with Karl as soon as I found out and told Camilla's boyfriend about the cheating. It was hard for me, but I moved on after months of therapy and the help of my friends and family. Now I am married to Henry (41M), my amazing husband and the father of our four children (9F, 7M, 4M, and 4F).
I moved to the other side of the country years ago, and I never thought about my ex-fiancé or the cheating again. My husband works at a law firm. Last year, they hired a new lawyer, Daniel (34M), who moved with his family to live in our area.
He and my husband became very good friends, as they have similar interests and personalities. Henry asked me to invite Daniel’s family to our house to help them adjust to the new city and job.
When Daniel came to my house for a playdate for our kids (his kids are 4M and 2F), he introduced us to his wife, Cam (30sF). Well, Cam was Camilla. I didn’t know how to react when I recognized her, and I had the impression that she recognized me too.
Our husbands didn’t understand why everything seemed so tense, and we pretended not to know each other, making failed attempts at small talk. After an hour, Cam made up an excuse, and her family left.
Henry noticed my behavior and asked me what was happening. I told him everything. He already knew about my past with Karl and the affair. Later that day, I received a text from Camilla begging me not to tell Daniel about “our past.” I read the message but didn’t reply. I decided not to say anything and to mind my own business. This was not my problem anymore.
After a week of silence, Daniel showed up at our doorstep looking very agitated. He talked to my husband alone, and afterward, Henry asked me to tell Daniel my version of everything. Like my husband, Daniel realized something weird had happened during our meeting and spent the week trying to get answers from his wife.
She refused to tell him what happened and tried to say I was her ex-boyfriend's side chick, which was why we were so tense. Daniel didn’t buy her story, and they had a massive fight.
After the fight, he realized I was the one who could tell him the truth. And I did tell him everything after he asked. I even showed him the text message Camilla sent me. I didn’t feel the need to sugarcoat things, especially since Camilla was out there telling lies about me.
Daniel was in complete shock because cheating is a trigger for him. His father cheated on his mom for years and left the family for his mistress, which made him hate cheaters. Camilla had known about this since their first date.
Daniel left our house looking defeated, and on the same day, I received a call from Camilla accusing me of being a vengeful b^$%*. She said I was trying to destroy her life.
I don’t think I was wrong for telling the truth, but this happened last year, and I’ve received calls and random messages from people close to Camilla saying I’m an a^*#ole for exposing her past to her husband. AITA?
Here are the top rated comments from the post with OP's responses:
MrPKitty says:
NTA. You told the truth after she told lies. Did she expect you to go along with what she said so you could be the bad guy for as long as your husband and daniel are work mates?
OP responded:
I don't know what she was thinking, I have no reason to lie to cover her.
Plenty_Associate5101 says:
NTA!! You are the hero of the this story! Actions have consequences. You did nothing wrong and merely stated facts and truth about what happened between Camilla and your ex-fiance. It would have been wrong for you to lie to Daniel as he deserved to know the truth to make an informed end decision.
If it were you, I’m sure you would have wanted the same consideration as I know I definitely would have. Text Camilla “sorry to hear about you and Daniel but hey, maybe you and Karl can get something going again.”
OP responded:
Funny thing is that after our engagement broke off she did tried to date Karl and he kicked her to the curb. I heard this from mutual friends.
OP provided an update a day later:
I don’t think cheaters must be punished forever. While I would probably never want to be close friends with Camilla, after the initial shock, I would have no issues being civil with her. I don’t think she deserves to live through hell because she was awful years ago.
I also don’t think she was the worst person—Karl definitely was. He was the one who was about to marry me. However, she was a willing participant in the affair, and she knew me from their office. Everyone there knew Karl was living with me and that we were engaged.
Third: Camilla got my number from Daniel’s phone. I have a pretty uncommon last name, and my first name is not popular either. Daniel got my number from me. Henry gave me Daniel’s contact to set up a dinner date to introduce our families.
I texted Daniel since we had already met a few times at the office and at my house when he came by with Henry. Daniel texted me back to coordinate plans for the kids’ playdate, and that was it. My husband didn’t give Camilla my number. At the time this all happened, my husband had only met her once while at the office with Daniel. The fact that Camilla had access to her husband’s phone is not weird to me; her actions were.
Daniel and Camilla are not divorced. After leaving our house, Daniel stayed at a hotel for a while. Then he went back home, and they started doing couples therapy.
The harassment through calls and texts lasted over a month. Henry was about to send a cease-and-desist letter when he decided to talk to Daniel about it. Daniel handled it. What I know through Henry is that most of Camilla’s “flying monkeys” didn’t know the full story, and when Daniel set things straight, they stopped.
Camilla emailed me months later to apologize. I accepted her apology, but we are not close, and I didn’t feel her words were genuine. Most likely, she wants to save her marriage. Talking about their marriage, Daniel and I talked some months after this at a party at my house. I told him that I felt terrible for my part in their marital problems, and he reassured me.
Daniel said they were already having issues before we met. It seems like she wasn’t happy about moving here and leaving her family on the other side of the country. Also, they were having money problems because their old state had a higher cost of living.
Since Camilla left work after she got pregnant with their second child, they had less money, and cutting costs on their lifestyle was causing fights. The move to our state made sense because it was a better position with a good raise.
I don’t know much else about their situation, just that recently Henry told me Daniel was depressed after a big fight they had about Thanksgiving. Camilla wanted to travel to their old state to stay with her family, and Daniel wanted to visit his mother, who lives closer.
Everybody in the office knows about their fight since Daniel asked to stay at a coworker’s place. Daniel told Henry directly that he would start divorce proceedings because, during their last fight, Camilla talked about taking the kids and moving back closer to her parents. He said she will not have full custody of the kids. That’s basically all I know, and I don’t really know if Daniel will go through with the divorce.