'I fell asleep in my roommate’s bed because I was sick and my girlfriend broke up with me.' UPDATED

There are some mistakes you simply can't come back from, no matter how unintentional they are.

"I fell asleep in my roommate’s bed because I was sick and my girlfriend broke up with me."

My girlfriend Celine (20F) and I (21M) have been dating for about 7 months now, but I had feelings for her for like 3 years beforehand. I have also been sharing a flat with two other girls and one other guy. One of the girls is Kaya, and we’re pretty good friends.

As it just so happens, Celine’s ex cheated on her with Kaya…Kaya hadn’t known they were together at the time. So when I first brought Celine over to my place earlier into our relationship, she told me about what’d happened. I realized then that things would be messy and I asked Celine if this was a dealbreaker for her, but she said she wasn’t sure as she was aware that Kaya didn’t realise she was facilitating cheating.

The next day, Celine said she thought it over and that she held no resentment towards Kaya but was insecure about herself and felt uneasy that we lived in the same house. We both agreed to continue with the relationship and set our boundaries. One of them was that Kaya and I won’t sleep over in each other’s rooms anymore.

We used to have movie nights on Fridays - Kaya’s room was the only room with a TV in my flat - and I’d sometimes fall asleep in her room during movie nights. Everything was platonic and I told Celine about this. Let’s move to the present time where our relationship is like a fairytale. Being with Celine is pretty awesome.

But my exams are coming up soon, and because I’m horribly underprepared, I needed to lock in. So I told Celine I would have to be a bit selfish and wouldn’t be able to spend time with her or have much communication till they’re done. For the past 3 weeks, my life has been: wake up, spend the entire day/night at the library, then come home to sleep for like 5-6 hours, then go study again.

It’s a horrible routine and I feel like a Zombie, but I have too much content to catch up on and not enough time. I must also admit that I’ve not been in contact with Celine all that often. We only talked twice on FaceTime and texted very little (she tried initiating but I had my phone shut off while studying and only replied when I left the library.)

On our second call she said she felt neglected and it was really starting to get to her and she wanted to spend some time together. I apologized, told her I missed her too and that she could come over to spend the night. But she came about an hour later than she was supposed to and I fell asleep by then. She still stayed the night, but the next morning I felt that she was upset I fell asleep.

Then I got really sick 3 days ago. I threw up at the library and asked Kaya to come pick me up. My other roommates are out of town, and Celine would’ve taken too long to get there. When I got into bed, I threw up all over my sheets. At this point, my memory of what happens is foggy.

I was very drowsy and not thinking straight. Rather than cleaning up and setting new sheets, I texted Celine I was very sick and had vomitted over my bed and asked if I could sleep over at hers. I got no reply, so I went downstairs and slept on the couch. When I woke up the next morning, I was asleep on Kaya’s bed shirtless. I had NO CLUE how I got here.

But Celine came to check up on me, and walked in on me like this. This was when I woke up, and Celine was very upset. She yelled “how could you” and before I had chance to say anything, she left. Kaya told me that when she saw me asleep on the couch, she offered to let me sleep on her bed instead (I have no recollection of this). I probably took my shirt off because I felt hot at some point during the night.

She also said she slept on the couch and we didn’t share the bed. I’ve been trying to reach out to Celine but she blocked my number, WhatsApp, insta. We have two mutual friends but they both haven’t replied to any of my texts. My fever died down yesterday night, so I went to Celine’s to clarify the situation but her roommates said she wasn’t going to talk and made me leave.

This whole situation just feels so horrible. I love the relationship that I have/had with Celine and the fact that it’s probably over makes me feel so distraught. I also reflected over how I’ve been recently and I realized that a lot of blame goes on me. My exams aren’t a reason to just completely shut myself out of my relationship and I need to work on being able to juggle life and studies at the same time.

Other than her finding me asleep on Kaya’s bed, she probably had a lot of animosity and upset amalgamating over the last 3 weeks of me not being in contact. It’s painful knowing I made a very unnecessary decision and had I put in more effort, it wouldn’t have cost me a great person out of my life.

The commenters did not hold back.

Mountain-Animator859 wrote:

You spoke with your GF twice in 3 weeks? That's not how relationships work buddy.

Automatic_Shine_6512 wrote:

This girl already slept with her last boyfriend. The fact she even decided she could deal with you guys living together is huge. Then you tell her you have “platonic” movie nights that end up with you guys sleeping together in her room. At that point I would’ve bowed out, but she still just asked for a simple boundary.

I’ve never been sick to the point where I genuinely don’t remember taking my own clothes off and getting in a different bed (sober). You hardly talk to her or make time for her for weeks (a simple text or phone call is very easy) and at that point I’d assume something was up.

Then she literally finds you in that girl’s bed. You’re either lying and have interest in that girl, you were ro*fied, or you didn’t actually care about your girlfriend. I’d be out.

Chad_Abraxas wrote:

The thing that bothers me most here is that you left puke un-cleaned-up on your bed. Your mattress is going to smell like puke forever now.

Automatic_Shine_6512 wrote:

This girl already slept with her last boyfriend. The fact she even decided she could deal with you guys living together is huge. Then you tell her you have “platonic” movie nights that end up with you guys sleeping together in her room.

At that point I would’ve bowed out, but she still just asked for a simple boundary. I’ve never been sick to the point where I genuinely don’t remember taking my own clothes off and getting in a different bed (sober).

You hardly talk to her or make time for her for weeks (a simple text or phone call is very easy) and at that point I’d assume something was up. Then she literally finds you in that girl’s bed. You’re either lying and have interest in that girl, you were r**fied, or you didn’t actually care about your girlfriend. I’d be out.

Two weeks later, OP shared an update.

I’ll start by saying now that this post will be very long but will add little, to nothing new. The most expected outcome is what happened. The reason I’m posting this is because I saw Celine for the final time a couple days ago, and I also want to clear the air on some matters.

For the sake of tracking time, let’s call Day 1 the day Celine broke up with me. Day 4 was when my initial post was published. I sat my final exam at Day 7, and didn’t actually check up on the post at all till Day 8.

I was very, very shocked reading the comments. To be blatantly honest, I wasn’t expecting like a thousand people calling me a huge bellend. I knew I made a mistake, but in my head, I thought I was a good person.

You know how you just kinda perceive yourself to always try and do things with a good intention, so you think you can’t ever be a bad person? Idk if that makes sense. But reading the post opened up my perspective and made me realize that the relationship was not salvageable, and also gave me depth on the hurt I caused Celine.

I shattered her trust completely and was just not a good boyfriend for an entire month leading to the breakup. So, I just didn’t contact her. As I’ll mention later on, I was not in a good headspace and I distanced myself because I was an even bigger ass than I let on previously. On Day 12, she messaged me to ask for her iPad back (she’d let me borrow it for my notes).

We last met on Day 15 when she came to collect it, among other things. We were both silent the whole time she was there, which must’ve only been like 5 mins or so. She returned some of my stuff I’d left in her apartment, and when she was about to leave, I told her I was sorry. She said ok. I said I never meant to hurt her.

She, again, just said ok. I figured nothing I could say was the right thing at this point and we said goodbye. So like I said, the very expected outcome occurred. I can’t lie and say that I’m instantaneously a better person now - I’m not. I want to be better but I can’t become a better person in a couple of weeks and will need to really work on my character in general.

As for Celine, I can only just pray and wish for the best for her.

I’m going to answer some of the main questions that people had. I never went into the full depth of the story because there is a LOT of context behind it all and I just never expected the post to reach so many people.

Did Kaya know about Celine’s boundaries? Yes. I told her the day Celine and I discussed our boundaries. She seemed to be very understanding and we both kept distance since.

How did you lose consciousness from vomiting? It was from dehydration. On Day 1, I went to the hospital at noon because my condition wasn’t getting any better. I had a temperature of 104 and a blood test showed I was severely dehydrated, and I was put on a drip. None of this was mentioned because I never expected this to be a matter of criticism and thought “very ill” sufficed for it in my previous post.

What’s the need to be studying so hard? This is the question which needs a LOT of context to understand, and I’ll do my best to provide it now. I’m Indian, and my father is very similar to those strict Indian dads that you’ll often see portrayed in movies. Take every Indian dad stereotype and you’ll get my dad. He’s in the military and is about a strict a man as you can imagine.

He wanted/tried forcing me to join the army. I wanted to choose my own career path, which was in computer science and we had a huge rift occur between us because of it. I moved from India to the UK for my studies, and one of the only reasons he agreed to pay for my tuition fees was because a) the university I’d gotten into is prestigious.

So he was happy with that and b) he had a way to monitor my grades and could use this as leverage to make me study harder. In year 1, I did not do so splendidly. I finished with a grade average of 63%, which although is like the median score, upset my dad. A LOT.

He got extremely physical and smacked me in the face a few times, and I had some bruises after. He also threatened to not pay for my final year if I didn’t get an average of 70% this year, which would mean that the entire 2 years I’ve spent here would go to waste.

I’m an international student, so I can’t get a loan either. Furthermore, I did really bad on my summatives earlier in the year. I got a 41 on an exam worth 13% of my entire grade, and a 52 and 59 on two others worth 6% each. Celine also knows everything about my dad.

We had a whole conversation before I went absent in our relationship, where I told her I was very far behind on my studies and was afraid of the consequences this would cause. We agreed I should try and study as much as I can till my exams were over, and she said she’d be fine with being in contact less often.

Why did you barely stay in contact Celine? Very simply put, I was a bad boyfriend. This is going to sound awful, but I think a part of me was just didn’t want to have to deal with being in a relationship. I was overwhelmed and it felt like a “burden” having to talk to someone.

I completely acknowledge how horrible that is of me to even think. When I had those thoughts, I just down-played them and let myself believe it was just me being cranky. Anyway, there’s just never an excuse to go weeks without talking to your gf and I was an asshole for doing that.

However, I never, under any circumstances, had any intentions of cheating on her. I didn’t want to deal with anyone period, and so I didn’t want to be around Kaya either. I mention this because a lot of people speculated that Kaya and I had something going on, which isn’t the case. I just wanted to be alone till my exams were over.

Why did Kaya invite you to her bed? I asked her, and she said the following, “I was on my way out to an overnight study session, which meant no1 would be home, so I thought you might as well sleep on my bed then. I didn’t think it would be such a big deal considering how bad of a condition you were in. I thought Celine would understand…I didn’t get in the bed when I got home, I slept on the couch."

I could not sleep in my roommates bed because they were out of town and locked their rooms. Kaya throws parties every once in a while, so they lock their rooms in case. I think that’s as much as I can say about this now. There’s not a great deal more to add rather than an apology to those who read all of this and still aren’t content with my answers.

As for what happens next, I don’t think I’ll be sprinting into a new relationship anytime soon. I’m long overdue some self-reflection and along with trying to enjoy my summer holidays, I hope I can figure myself out and try and do better from now on. TL;DR we broke up and I now realize I’m not ready for relationships for a while.

The comments kept coming in.

SeikoAk wrote:

I’m glad Celine stood on business at least lmao.

chonkosaurusrexx wrote:

I'm just genuinely curious about Kayas thought process if you're telling the truth. She knew she was the person Celine's ex cheated on her with. She knew about the boundary.

When she finds you sick on the couch with something that can be contagious for all she knows, she physically helped you get into her bed risking contagion, where you could absolutely have ended up throwing up again making a mess out of her bed as well. She then went to sleep on the couch your potentially contagious germs would be all over?

In her situation, I would have stripped your bed so the sick wouldn't fester and throw it in the washer. I would have checked in that you didn't need to go to the hospital, put out something to drink and some pain killers. I would have contacted Celine and let her know how you were doing, and that you would probably really appreciate if she dropped by to check in on you.

No boundaries disrespected, I don't risk getting sick, sick you wont have a nasty surprise in the morning. But for some reason Kaya just had to get you into her bed, while drastically increasing the risking getting sick or a bed full of sick?

Ok_Stable7501 wrote:

If someone tells me that just puked all over their bed, the last thing I’m suggesting is that they climb in mine. My favorite part is where you ignore Celine for weeks, but called her and asked to sleep at her place because your bed was covered in vomit. So you were too delirious to remember how you ended up in Kaya’s bed but had enough clarity to ask the girlfriend you were ignoring to help you.

Poinsettia917 wrote:

I predict that Kaya may sabotage any future relationships you have. How could she possibly think Celine would understand?

I feel so badly for Celine.